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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched the argument I baited you with.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Much like lasagna, I’m just held together by cheese at this point.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Babe, you’re not acting according to my delusions right now.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

The streets are not for me. I belong in an enchanted forest, eating berries, and talking to my animal friends.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

If I would’ve known that you were going to ask me what I was thinking, I wouldn’t have been thinking what I was thinking.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

I am brilliantly social for one and a half hours, and then I need to recover in my bedroom cave for two days.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

No one talks about the horrific event of meeting someone who is exactly your type.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

Everyone gives pleasure in some way, one when they enter a room, the other when they leave it.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

When God closes a door, he opens a window. Unfortunately, we are in a submarine.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Your life can’t fall apart if you never had it together.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

298 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,567

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,567

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,451

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

I’m just a girl, standing in front of a Monday, asking it to be a Friday.

Live now on X:

If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

Live now on Instagram:

Gender is a just a scam made by big bathroom companies to sell more bathrooms.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I’ve found that the easiest way to do burpees is to just not do burpees. No pain, no pain.

Shared recently on X:

Sex is cool, but have you ever had a can opener that actually works?

I swear the air gets heavier around 6 p.m. on Sundays. You can feel the Microsoft Teams energy approaching.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Feeling the gravitational pull of the Sunday Scaries — must be the Microsoft Teams orbit 🤖📅🌌

6, 6 p.m., air, around, call, energy, feel, funny observation, i, meeting, microsoft, Microsoft Teams, observation, p.m., remote, remote work, Sunday, swear, Teams, video, video call, work, work meeting

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Establish dominance by maintaining eye contact whilst twerking.

2 months ago

assertiveness, confidence, contact, dance, dominance, eye, eye contact, humor, twerking
Men playing hard to get when they’re already hard to want, is so funny to me.

1 month ago

dating, Funny, funny observation, hard, hard to get, hard to want, humor, me, men, observation, playing, want
Ratatouille is hilarious because the villain wasn’t even evil; he just didn’t want food cooked by rats?!?

2 months ago

animated, animated film, comedy, cooking, even, evil, film, food, hilarious, humor, just, misunderstanding, rat, Ratatouille, villain, want
Scooby-Doo led me to believe that if I were ever really scared, I should run super-fast in place.

2 months ago

believe, cartoon, childhood, ever, fear, humor, i, imagination, led, me, movement, place, quick, quick movement, run, running, scare, scared, Scooby Doo, should
Women know the exact weight of their children and their age in days. Men just know that little people live with them.

2 months ago

age, children, days, humor, just, know, little, little people, live, men, parenting, people, weight, women
The longer you go without something, the more comfortable you become without it. That goes for people, too.

4 months ago

absence, comfort, comfortable, habit, loneliness, longer, people, relationship, something, too

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

22 shares on YouTube this month:

Tried online dating, and it turns out my soulmate is a Nigerian prince who needs my bank details to escape his kingdom.

44 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me I’m gonna say “I’m a biter” and see how it goes.

68 shares on YouTube this month:

Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account?

68 shares on X this month:

I think my type is a nice person.

32 shares on YouTube this month:

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.

69 shares on Facebook this month:

I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it’s like a circus in my head.

58 shares on Instagram this month:

“But it’s summer,” is going to be my excuse for everything from now until the end of September.

35 shares on Telegram this month:

Not to brag but I can chop an onion without crying. And I can cry without chopping an onion.

80 shares on TikTok this month:

Sharpening a pencil at the bin was the childhood equivalent of taking a cigarette break.

42 shares on Twitch this month:

Easy there, unsaved number.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

The Pope is the only employee who never gets to see his boss. Not even at the Christmas party.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

My coffee and I used to be hot. Now, we’re just bitter.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

The only guarantee in life is, if you run errands looking like shit, you will run into everyone you haven’t seen in months.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

They should let me go inside everyones house just to see.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Somewhere, a therapist you never met knows about you.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Hear me out, a Q-Tip that doesn’t bounce out the trash can when you throw it away.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

Got a botched circumcision, now my willy wonka.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

The walk of shame, except it’s me at a bowling alley walking back to sit down after I knock down zero pins with bumpers.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

My passport probably thinks I’m in prison.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

The fine art of sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

Imagine going to see a situationship in 1868, and you go outside, and your horse is dead as hell.

Going bananas on Telegram:

If you’re just talking nonsense all the time and not thinking about what you’re doing, you’re either in love or at the office.

Spotted on Slack:

To all the people who ask singles why they are actually single: Please don’t. We have sworn an oath and are not allowed to tell you the secret of our success.

Making waves on Messenger:

Genies are a myth perpetuated by creepy lamps who just want to get rubbed more.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Had the bed all to myself last night, so you know what that means… I slept in a slightly different spot, and now my neck feels weird.

Just landed via Telegram:

Taking action is my least favorite thing to take.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Watching Unsolved Mysteries and getting mad when they don’t solve the mystery at the end.

Spotted on TikTok:

When I get the vibe from someone that fitting in is super important to them my first instinct is to bite them.

Just landed via Reddit:

At the gym and I forgot my headphones and now I have to listen to my own thoughts. Send help.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I swear the air gets heavier around 6 p.m. on Sundays. You can feel the Microsoft Teams energy approaching.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Establish dominance by maintaining eye contact whilst twerking.

Men playing hard to get when they’re already hard to want, is so funny to me.

Ratatouille is hilarious because the villain wasn’t even evil; he just didn’t want food cooked by rats?!?

Scooby-Doo led me to believe that if I were ever really scared, I should run super-fast in place.

Women know the exact weight of their children and their age in days. Men just know that little people live with them.

The longer you go without something, the more comfortable you become without it. That goes for people, too.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨