I’m a private person except for when I’m publicly trauma dumping on social media.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Used shampoo containing caffeine. My hair is already on its way to work.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

Forget pheromones, barbecue smells are always attractive.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

“You’re acting weird!” I’m not acting.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Are you just gonna go with the flow until you spiral down the drain?

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Nobody supports you like that one internet friend you’ve never met.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Public transportation is great, but they should invent a type where it’s only me in the vehicle.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

I wonder if that football guy will be at the Taylor Swift game again today.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

I was the most patient parent and then I had kids.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

I will never be the person this serving size suggestion wants me to be.