Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

If she has Bukowski on her nightstand, she will devour you.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

Woke up feeling not too shabby for a 60-year-old. The only problem is I’m still in my 40s.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice-cream.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

My ex had this fetish where he would dress up in his own clothes and act like an idiot.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Hey dude, I recently became omniscient, and well, you fell off in every universe.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

11:00 am – Anything is possible. 3:00 pm – But not today.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

Lois Lane said, “Clark?” like she didn’t just make out with that same jawline in spandex twelve hours ago.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

The older I get, I realize my mom was right, but I just didn’t like her tone.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

I can’t be bothered with people that can’t be bothered.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Cocktails can be tricky, because they taste like juice, but then the next thing you know… you can’t walk.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

300 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,569

Funny Quotes Topics

17,627

Funny Quotes Images

15,569

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,712

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Messenger:

I thought I had more straws. Sorry, turns out that was the last one.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

If I’m reading my Twitter feed correctly, Jennifer Aniston killed JFK.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

My toxic trait is that I give my friends mental health advice when I belong in an asylum.

Making waves on Twitch:

Sorry for widening my eyes and whispering “The prophecy” when we first met.

Just shared via YouTube:

They’re selling me on Temu tomorrow.

Trending via Messenger:

I’m forced to conclude that not liking my posts is a you problem.

Spotted on Threads:

Gonna eat birthday cake all day because it’s someone’s birthday out there, and we’re about to celebrate together, stranger.

Seen just now on Telegram:

There are too many movies about vampire hunters and not enough about vampire gatherers.

Shared recently on Instagram:

January is the Monday of the year.

Going viral on Threads:

Sweet, but twisted. Does that make me a candy cane?

Is it just my dad, or do all fathers watch videos on their phones with the volume full blast, with no concern for anyone else in the house?

4 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah yes, the secret dad ritual of 'Phone Concerts for the Entire House'—free of charge, whether you like it or not! 📱🎶👨‍👧‍👦🔊

anyone, blast, concern, dad, distraction, else, family, father, full, habit, house, humor, just, loud, phone, phones, video, videos, volume, watch

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I suck at flirting, I end up arguing with them instead.

3 months ago

arguing, awkwardness, communication, date, end, flirting, humor, i, relationship, skills, social, social skills
If you’re just talking nonsense all the time and not thinking about what you’re doing, you’re either in love or at the office.

2 months ago

doing, humor, just, love, nonsense, office, relationships, talking, thinking, time, work
I wonder what the part of my brain that used to store people’s phone numbers is doing now.

2 months ago

brain, distraction, doing, humor, i, memory, nostalgia, number, numbers, phone, phone number, store, technology, used, wonder
I would never put up a lost dog poster. I’m not letting the whole neighborhood know I fumbled.

2 months ago

dog, embarrassment, Fumble, humor, i, know, lost, lost dog, neighborhood, never, pets, poster, put, responsibility, whole
Elevator rides in real life: 30 seconds long. Elevator rides in movies: Two minutes long.

2 months ago

30, comparison, elevator, expectation, humor, life, minutes, movy, real, real life, reality, ride, time
According to “The Hobbit”, Gollum was once a handsome young man who was robbed of his youth, zest for life and energy by putting on a ring. Men, think about it!

2 months ago

energy, fantasy, Gollum, handsome, Hobbit, humor, irony, life, man, men, once, ring, think, young, youth, zest

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t know the difference between “gray” & “grey” and I’m too scared to even ask.

16 shares on Messenger this month:

The real threat to Democracy is the Bureaucracy.

48 shares on Twitch this month:

Of course the laundry has to be done, but the wine doesn’t drink itself either.

50 shares on Pinterest this month:

When someone yells stop, I don’t know if it’s in the name of love, it’s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.

82 shares on Discord this month:

Gonna run this by my two best friends who are as insane as I am.

12 shares on Telegram this month:

Our parents used to drop us off at school with no water bottle, no phone and no snacks, yet somehow we survived.

37 shares on Facebook this month:

The sheer audacity of life to ask anything of me today.

40 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I would do absolutely anything for my friends, except answer their text messages.

38 shares on WeChat this month:

I just need to get over everything that has happened to me in my entire life and then we can hang out.

62 shares on Facebook this month:

Me gasping and flipping off the vultures as they circle above the running track.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

The worst thing about having children is the parents of the other children.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

I’ve been doing Dry January, but it’s literally just been my lips and skin.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Amazon’s checkout needs a breathalyzer feature which cancels your order if you’ve been clearly drunk-shopping.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

Declined stepping on the scale at the doctor’s office because no one needs that kind of negativity in her life.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Me, unwrapping a gift: Oh wow, an item. I love these!

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

I can’t wait to see my older sister so she can point out I have more gray hair than she does.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Born to be a Jedi spinning a lightsaber, forced to work full-time and pay rent.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Nothing ruins my day quite like getting out of bed and dealing with people.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

I set up my Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, Mary, Joseph and all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

The only joke my mom ever made was me.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

My husband pissed me off so I wrapped his remote and put it under the tree.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I don’t get vegetables on my pizza because I don’t like mixing business with pleasure.

Trending via Slack:

The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up.

Spotted on TikTok:

My husband loves when we fight, and I turn it into a limited series called And Another Thing.

Just landed via Reddit:

Not sure how to flirt, but I can make things awkward if you’re into that.

Going viral on Discord:

My budget for this month is a smile, and I don’t know how long that will last.

Just shared via Reddit:

It’s called a Caesar Salad because you stab it a bunch of times when you eat it.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Buying books and reading them are actually two entirely different hobbies.

Breaking via Slack:

Hey bartender, can you turn down the music, please? This guy I just met is trying to explain how baseball works.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Is it just my dad, or do all fathers watch videos on their phones with the volume full blast, with no concern for anyone else in the house?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I suck at flirting, I end up arguing with them instead.

If you’re just talking nonsense all the time and not thinking about what you’re doing, you’re either in love or at the office.

I wonder what the part of my brain that used to store people’s phone numbers is doing now.

I would never put up a lost dog poster. I’m not letting the whole neighborhood know I fumbled.

Elevator rides in real life: 30 seconds long. Elevator rides in movies: Two minutes long.

According to “The Hobbit”, Gollum was once a handsome young man who was robbed of his youth, zest for life and energy by putting on a ring. Men, think about it!

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨