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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Totally unrealistic movie title: “The Postman Always Rings Twice”. We all know that these guys only ring once and then leave.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Absolute worst time of year to have a secret family. Hands down.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Wanna worship each other until the end of all things?

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

I think being a hopeless romantic is giving me brain damage.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Spiders are the only web developers who love finding bugs.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Only time I believe a man is when he tells me that I’m pretty.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

What genius called it road rage and not locomotive?

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Hate when people ask “why is it called Silence of the Lambs?” Like, did you hear any lambs during the movie? Use your head!

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

The secret to work life balance is generational wealth.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Oh, how much I love a Sunday when you don’t have to work the next day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,329

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

So far, no one has seriously tried to bribe me, which is a shame because I am extremely corrupt. Maybe I need a position with more power.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Why does the weekend always feel like it lasts five minutes?

Making waves on Reddit:

I just can’t watch football, there’s too much “penetration in the backfield” for me to not giggle like an immature maniac.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Instead of studying, I like to stay on my phone and worry about how I’m going to pass.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I’m not into casual sex. Send me a résumé.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Just asked this girl Hannah how she spells her name, and she just said, “Two of everything, darling.” Iconic!

Spotted on Discord:

Viewing someone’s LinkedIn after they’ve viewed yours to assert dominance.

Going viral on Discord:

Carrying my phone from room to room like a Victorian woman and her lantern.

Breaking via X:

I’m at an age where I don’t have to go anywhere and I still have jet lag.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Let’s skip the getting-to-know-you phase. Just block me.

Made a lot of mistakes in my life, but adding more cheese than a recipe calls for isn’t one of them.

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Made a lot of mistakes in my life, but adding more cheese than a recipe calls for isn’t one of them.
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Commentary:
When life gives you recipes, ignore them and add cheese 🧀🥳

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on TikTok this month:

A micromanager is someone you pay to watch your top talent walk away.

96 shares on Slack this month:

There’s someone in our team who behaves horribly to me and whenever I have to type his name, I’ve taken to using a slightly smaller font size than for everyone else’s.

56 shares on Threads this month:

There will be people in your life that say you have too many books. Those are not your people.

54 shares on LinkedIn this month:

We used to pass notes in class like spies. Folded like origami. Deep like Shakespeare.

76 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Stop checking up on your friends, and check up on me.

53 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Forget the alarm clock. Just give me the smell of bacon and coffee.

88 shares on WeChat this month:

Remember, for some unknown reason Santa doesn’t make batteries.

80 shares on YouTube this month:

For the record, I use a turntable.

16 shares on YouTube this month:

The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

87 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m bringing back “holy moly” and nobody can stop me.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Bought a house plant so I wouldn’t be the only one dying of dehydration around here.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Me, on New Year’s Eve: I think instead of kissing at midnight, I’m just going to go outside and scream.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Trust me; this is the second millennium I’ve lived in.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s leg day. No, not at the gym, dummy. I’m shaving them.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

One of the great things about being a dad is how easy it is to launder my own desire for ice cream through my children.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Just as “magic spells” use special rhymes and archaic terms to signal their power, the convoluted language of legalese acts to convey a sense of authority.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Life is what happens in between trips to the fridge.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I like my bed more than I like most people.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s a reason we say cheese and not salad when we have to smile for a photo.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,321

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

What you call “Brunch” I call “Breakfast for Alcoholics.”

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

I want to be the kind of person who eats half a grapefruit for breakfast and runs every morning, but I also want to be happy.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

My favorite things about Texas are definitely toast and chainsaw massacres.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

If I ever find out who stole my identity, I’ll pay all their debts and ruin their credit score just for fun.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

Well, maybe grass should touch me for once. How about that?

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Make it a habit to cry and act unhinged at meetings so you’re never invited back.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

Crazy that caffeine has no short or long-term negative side effects. Just a super drug from God.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

Being a millennial means finding out you can’t afford to live in that apartment complex you thought was really shady when you were a kid.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

When it gets past my bedtime, I get so scared.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

You know those lines you see painted on parking lots? I know this will come as a shock to some of you, but you’re supposed to park between them.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I don’t remember if I was 43 or 44 before my birthday, so now I don’t know if I’m 44 or 45. That’s your 40’s.

Spotted on Discord:

Your posts make me wish I could forget how to read.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Imagine how much better the world would be if everyone set aside their differences and came together as one to buy me a castle.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I used to think I was indecisive, but I’m not so sure anymore.

Trending via Reddit:

Before you send that email, ask yourself: is this a December problem or a January problem?

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Meteorologist: It’s going to get even hotter. Me, on fire: WHAT?

Going viral on YouTube:

I feel sorry for dogs. They learnt to fetch newspapers, but newspapers are dying. Killed by an internet driven by cats.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Wishing all the contacts in my phone “Merry Christmas, I hope you get what you deserve” and just letting that work itself out.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Noam Chomsky is a crazy name, like you sound hungry as f***.

Trending via WeChat:

Those who still fit in their wedding dresses years later haven’t been making enough effort eating.

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