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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Post beach shower is undefeated. Greatest feeling a human could experience. Throw a nap in there, and you will never touch serenity so close.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

I need you to think about me 23/7. You get 1 hour a day for yourself.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Be useless, so nobody can use you.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

Throwing someone under the bus sounds hard, let’s just sell ’em down the river and call it a day.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

“Machines will soon be as smart as people.” Ok, but which people?

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

We were never supposed to have this much access to stupid people’s thoughts, beliefs, and opinions.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Nudes are played out. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Do you mind if I smash this object of great sentimental value?

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Car rides by yourself with loud music… they’re good for the soul.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Bringing a fitted sheet to a knife fight.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,334

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

I bet the inventor of the cannon would be relieved to know that they’re mostly about t-shirts now.

Spotted on X:

The human body is incredible. It’s like, “Oh, you’re stressed and sad? Here, enjoy this acne.”

Just shared via Telegram:

I don’t care if it’s cliché, I will always enjoy a ‘small town but something messed up is happening’ story.

Just landed via Facebook:

Some people can start a task and then just finish it instead of trying to do a hundred things at once, like a squirrel on crack.

Trending via Messenger:

How do you know I’m not just a figment of your imagination?

Seen just now on Telegram:

I have one of those metal briefcases handcuffed to my wrist, and inside… my grandmother’s meatloaf recipe.

Shared recently on Slack:

Mice after a breakup be like “we are not on squeaking terms”.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

Spotted on Discord:

This post ain’t gonna like itself, damn.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

My favorite pastime is staying up way later than I should and complaining the next day about how tired I am.

My husband told me that he used my sock trick on a recent trip, so he wouldn’t lose any. Reader, my “sock trick” is rolling matching pairs together.

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My husband told me that he used my sock trick on a recent trip, so he wouldn’t lose any. Reader, my “sock trick” is rolling matching pairs together.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
So your husband cracked the mysterious 'sock code'? Next he'll invent the wheel! 🧦🔄😂

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on TikTok this month:

You could waterboard pretty much any embarrassing information out of me. I’m very waterboardable.

24 shares on Threads this month:

I refuse to be bound by the social construct called “the calendar.” Merry Christmas, everyone.

36 shares on Slack this month:

Any house is an Airbnb if you’re quiet enough.

55 shares on WeChat this month:

“I’m getting to an age where I realize I shouldn’t have laughed at my grandparents for having an ‘upstairs’ vacuum.”

12 shares on Discord this month:

I love jogging in this heat, cause the sweat hides my tears.

23 shares on Twitch this month:

The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat. It’s watching what other people eat.

32 shares on Slack this month:

Facebook friends are like pens. You may have 150, but only 5 are writing.

48 shares on Twitch this month:

I hate when people ask me: “Why are you so quiet?” Because I am. That’s how I function. I don’t ask others, “Why do you talk so much?” It’s rude.

55 shares on X this month:

Your dog immediately knows you’re leaving when you put on nice clothes… only because you usually look homeless when you’re at home.

18 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Make your salad taste better by putting it between bread, meat, cheese, and Big Mac sauce.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Does the HDMI cord have the most dominant run of any cord ever?

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Duolingo does everything except actually teach you the language.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

“Can my boyfriend come?” Will he contribute to our conversation, at least one question?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

When you turn 50, they change the lightbulb in your fridge to that memory eraser from Men in Black.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I believe that emails are trying to tell us something.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Men be like “I would do anything for you,” and then do nothing.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not addicted to coffee. We’re just very close.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’ve been talking for 5 minutes straight, it might be someone else’s turn.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Forget pheromones, barbecue smells are always attractive.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,490

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Before I die, I’m going to arrange for a friend to take my phone, and after the funeral, text everybody to say “thanks for coming” and other assorted messages of appreciation.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Skinning your knee as an adult is so humiliating. That’s the toddler injury.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Some people get it. Most people don’t.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

Handing the bus driver a $50 bill and telling him “Just drive”.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

If we start flirting now, we could be in matching pajamas on a Christmas card before the holidays.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

Who else here can say that they have NEVER watched any of the Kardashian shows?

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

The first pyramid scheme was when the Egyptians took credit for the pyramids that were clearly built by aliens.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Book reviews be like: “5 stars. I’m sobbing. I’m unwell. I haven’t eaten in 16 hours. Highly recommend.”

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Lie during your job interview because they’re lying to you about their great work environment.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Yes, my date did get up and leave during dinner, but luckily she hadn’t finished her food.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

When someone asks me what my dream job is, it’s just like “I don’t know dude, I don’t dream about jobs”

Spotted on Threads:

We all got a little Barbie in us (the microplastics).

Going viral on Threads:

How do I un-know people?

Live now on WhatsApp:

When you have intense chemistry with someone, everyone else feels so bleh.

Going viral on Twitch:

If you think I’m evil, wait until you meet the man who made me this way.

Making waves on Messenger:

Woke up feeling not too shabby for a 60-year-old. The only problem is I’m still in my 40s.

Trending via Snapchat:

Be the reason your therapist reevaluates their entire career.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Ummmm, no, I don’t watch ‘Instagram Reels.’ I have TikTok. I like to get my brain damage directly from the original source.

Spotted on Threads:

This is my phone. I text back when I want to.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Please, if you ever offer me a snack and I say no, ask me again, I didn’t mean it the first time.

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