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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

Sex is like my hair. I didn’t have any yesterday. I didn’t have any today. And unless something drastically changes, I won’t have any tomorrow.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

I come from a long line of people with something wrong with them.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

Me and my boys are broke, so we take turns taking pictures of one iced matcha.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

The older I get, the more I realize being in a hurry is a terrible way to live your life.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

I wish laying in bed all day made me rich.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Tall people make me nervous. What the hell are you doing up there? Stop eating the leaves off that tree.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Money is always a motive for murder. Stay broke.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Fun fact: a person’s music taste can actually tell their intelligence level.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

The lion can’t keep living like this.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,523

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Cheers to all who skipped that one dish at Thanksgiving because you just didn’t trust the person who brought it.

Shared recently on Discord:

A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark. So, in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.

Live now on WhatsApp:

I composed this post in a way that only the sexy can read it, so congratulations.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

When I eat rotisserie chicken, I like to pretend that I’m performing an autopsy.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Playdates were invented to force parents into cleaning their home.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I enjoy the freedom of speech, because if you let crazy people talk, they’ll totally tell you they’re crazy.

Just landed via WeChat:

My outdoor flowers are doing amazing this year because I left them at the garden center where they belong.

Just shared via Facebook:

Every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by asking if they’re drinking enough water.

Going viral on Pinterest:

You don’t scare me, I was married once.

Making waves on X:

Nice to finally get back that hour they stole earlier this year.

Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
Putting on a performance worthy of an audience that won't leave a tip! 🎭😂📸

attention, attitude, confidence, entertainment, forget, give, harder, humor, motivation, never, nobody, observation, people, rivalry, sarcasm, show

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Let’s all stand up against iron deficiency (but not too fast).

0

2 months ago

deficiency, fast, health, health humor, humor, iron, iron deficiency, joke, nutrition, pun, stand, too, wellness
To be clear, when I said I was looking for “growth,” I meant in salary, not in workload and stress levels.

0

2 months ago

career, clear, growth, humor, i, level, levels, looking, meant, money, said, salary, stress, stress level, work, workload
Daylight savings is just a made up holiday to sell more daylight.

0

2 months ago

daylight, daylight saving, holiday, just, made-up, saving, savings, sell
I’m not really a “glass half full” kind of person. I’m more of a “Where’d I put my glass?” kind of person.

0

2 months ago

drink, everyday, everyday life, forgetfulness, full, glass, half, humor, humor quote, i, irony, kind, life, person, perspective, put, self-deprecating
Imagine having someone to come home to who doesn’t have fur.

0

2 weeks ago

companionship, fur, having, home, humor, imagine, pet, someone
I’m sorry I used air quotes when I said we were friends.

0

2 months ago

air, air quote, apology, friends, friendship, humor, i, interaction, said, sarcasm, social, social interaction, sorry, used

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

34 shares on Threads this month:

Give it to me straight, doc, what can I do to be healthier besides changing my entire lifestyle?

46 shares on Pinterest this month:

Establish dominance by eating a salad in front of your indoor plants.

42 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t know what millennial needs to hear this, but throw away the box your phone came in. You don’t need it. You will never need it.

19 shares on WhatsApp this month:

December you will be good to me (threateningly).

62 shares on Facebook this month:

Whenever an insect rides for miles on my car, I imagine it thinking: “Oh crap, moving again!”

34 shares on Pinterest this month:

It’s so funny how every true crime documentary eventually devolves into a story about how the police botched the entire investigation.

96 shares on Snapchat this month:

So I just googled my symptoms, turns out I’m addicted to you.

13 shares on Pinterest this month:

God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

34 shares on Reddit this month:

Do you ever restart the dryer because you don’t feel like folding the clothes yet?

67 shares on Snapchat this month:

Bon Jovi must be at least 3/4 of the way there by now.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

People are always saying “not today, Satan” but what if we just hear him out.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

Some people have goals based on a summer body. Mine revolve entirely around the weight limit of my beach chairs.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

First date idea: unlock and switch phones with the other person for exactly two minutes and if no one is horrified then the date continues.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Elections make you feel like we’re all in divorce court waiting to see who gets custody of us.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Relationships are actually easy when you’re not dating a lying weirdo.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

Everyone gives pleasure in some way, one when they enter a room, the other when they leave it.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

If it weren’t for the last minute, I’d never do anything.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Cheating before AI required a level of effort that you ended up learning something by default.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

My housemates are convinced our house is haunted. I’ve lived here for 274 years and not noticed anything strange.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

Just paid my bills, so don’t ask me to come out. I’m at home getting my money’s worth.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

If she tells you, she’s got a man, keep trying. Loyal women don’t even reply.

Just shared via Facebook:

How many sit-ups do I have to do before I get a six-pack? Please say 5.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I really miss my family… sized bag of crisps.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Psych meds aren’t enough anymore. Hit me with a shovel.

Shared recently on X:

I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

Just shared via Reddit:

I’ve got the nativity scene facing the TV, so baby Jesus can watch “Die Hard.”

Just shared via Pinterest:

I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there’s a small hole in the bag somewhere.

Trending via Instagram:

Girl math is ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.

Going viral on Reddit:

A couple of birds are outside fighting. Wait. They’ve quieted down. There’s a third bird. I think he may be their therapist.

Trending via Threads:

People who read and do research will always sound crazy to people who don’t.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Let’s all stand up against iron deficiency (but not too fast).

To be clear, when I said I was looking for “growth,” I meant in salary, not in workload and stress levels.

Daylight savings is just a made up holiday to sell more daylight.

I’m not really a “glass half full” kind of person. I’m more of a “Where’d I put my glass?” kind of person.

Imagine having someone to come home to who doesn’t have fur.

I’m sorry I used air quotes when I said we were friends.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨