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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

time heals all wounds.” Wrong! Time is chasing me with a knife.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Mini skirts are so cute and fun, like, oops, my ass is out.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Nostalgia is mostly dumb nonsense, but movie rental stores were legitimately better than streaming.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Please remember, I am an inspiration for birth control.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

If I were a bird, I know who I’d poop on.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

Does anyone want to fall in love and split rent with me?

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

I’ve been called a lot of things in my life, but nothing worse than being called on the phone.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Drive like no one is watching.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

I like people who can admit their mistakes and apologize. In other words, I like very few people.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Fake laughing at work is exhausting as hell, just leave me alone, bro.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,621

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

My favorite thing about summer is opening a window for 30 seconds so an insect that hasn’t been identified by science yet can fly into your home.

Going bananas on Threads:

That annoying moment when you’re texting someone and autocorrect decides to join the conversation.

Just shared via Facebook:

That moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life any more.

Going bananas on Messenger:

I wish that reading books in the park were my job, and I got paid six figures for it.

Going viral on Facebook:

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched the argument I baited you with.

Just landed via Discord:

Girls will be like “it’s fine” and then go and curse your whole bloodline.

Making waves on Telegram:

I’m an over-explainer (I explain things too much).

Trending via Telegram:

My new diet plan is to hibernate and live off all this fat I’ve accumulated.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Eatіng іn bed іs much better. Everythіng’s a napkіn.

Spotted on X:

If my house is clean, just know I yelled at everyone for two hours first.

Old age comes at a bad time. Once you finally know everything, you start to forget everything you know.

1 month ago

Witty quote about aging and memory, humorously highlighting life's ironic timing.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Brain's got the latest software update but the memory chip keeps glitching! 🤯🔄😂

age, aging, bad, everything, forget, forgetfulness, know, knowledge, memory, old, old age, once, start, time, timing, wisdom

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Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on WeChat this month:

You are not obligated to post a video of yourself dancing.

64 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Don’t let the British accent fool you. I’m not saying anything smart.

90 shares on Instagram this month:

No, they’re not “symptoms of depressions.” They’re Blue’s Clues.

59 shares on TikTok this month:

Hell hath no fury like a toddler getting his nose wiped.

89 shares on YouTube this month:

I have never “lit up a room” unless you count arson.

96 shares on Slack this month:

Everything’s under control. I just don’t know whose.

52 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m not always annoying, sometimes I sleep too.

23 shares on Twitch this month:

Weddings should have a worst man.

87 shares on YouTube this month:

At my funeral, sit me up so I can see who’s talking to my man.

41 shares on WeChat this month:

Two bros having a conversation in the 1700s like “omg, we should totally start a pamphlet”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

Starting to think I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Apparently, all my new nephew wants to do is eat and sleep, which means he’s already a lot like me.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

Feeling feral. Better make some mac and cheese.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

I’m trying to shower you with affection. It doesn’t matter how I got into your bathroom.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

There is too much happening for mid-December. Where are the canceled meetings? Why are we not circling back next year?

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

I don’t even know what I’d do if a sailor called me a landlubber. I’d probably lose my cool.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

“Your call is very important to us. Please stay on the line until your call is no longer important to you.”

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

I googled my symptoms, and I just need a day with you in the mountains.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Going down a rabbit hole if anyone wants anything.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

If three ghosts visited me on Christmas, I’d make them play Mario Party with me.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Discord:

My ego is bruised so I’m going to ice it with some cold beer.

Seen just now on Discord:

I’m really getting tired of being a responsible adult.

Just landed via Facebook:

My curse was lifted. Do you want to hang out?

Seen just now on Twitch:

Whenever I’m with real yappers, I realize I might actually be a listener.

Just shared via WeChat:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they are dead.

Making waves on WeChat:

My cats won’t talk to me because I came home late from work.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Still don’t understand how girls with no jobs be holding iPhones.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Welcome to your 40s: that “teenager”over there is actually 27.

Making waves on Discord:

Sorry, I can’t come. I’m still recovering from the last time I went out.

Going viral on YouTube:

“You’re so funny!” Thanks, I didn’t get laid in high school.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Old age comes at a bad time. Once you finally know everything, you start to forget everything you know.

Y’all can keep the nonchalant ones — I want mine weak in the knees about me.

I used an air fryer for the first time tonight, and I feel like I just discovered fire.

I am not leaving this house until my hoodie strings are even.

According to my chocolate advent calendar, there are only 4 days until Christmas.

Dear predictive text, I am tired of sending people “Thanksgiving” when they send me a recipe or directions.

The goth urge to live in a haunted Victorian estate and be feared by the townspeople.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Old age comes at a bad time. Once you finally know everything, you start to forget everything you know.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Y’all can keep the nonchalant ones — I want mine weak in the knees about me.

I used an air fryer for the first time tonight, and I feel like I just discovered fire.

I am not leaving this house until my hoodie strings are even.

According to my chocolate advent calendar, there are only 4 days until Christmas.

Dear predictive text, I am tired of sending people “Thanksgiving” when they send me a recipe or directions.

The goth urge to live in a haunted Victorian estate and be feared by the townspeople.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨