Being a woman is wild. I just cried, cleaned the house, had a snack, had a bath, and now I’m fine. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I hate it when I check my transactions history, and everything adds up like damn, so no one stole from me. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Men be like “I hate drama,” and then have love triangles, secret babies, a wife, side chick, ex that’s still around, breadcrumbs, and unhealed trauma. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Accept the truth that a clean kitchen and finished laundry are just myths. Embrace the chaos and find your inner calm. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Taylor Swift’s prenup is about to be longer than any book Travis Kelce has ever read. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Being gracefully unhinged is the only way to get through the everyday bullshit. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I always need to pee, but it’s just because my heart is so big it pushes on my bladder. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Dropped my skinny boyfriend between the bed and the wall like a vape or a TV remote. Posted onMay 19, 2026
There’s a weird kind of grief that comes with late August, and I can’t explain it. Posted onMay 19, 2026
When I was a kid, they played lame music for middle-aged people in the supermarket, but this morning at Whole Foods, it’s now all amazing bangers from my youth. Posted onMay 19, 2026
They said, “Enjoy your money because life is short.” Now my money is finished, but I’m still alive. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I have tasted academic validation. I have tasted romantic love. I recommend getting a hobby. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Is everyone enjoying their entire month of August off work with full pay? Oh yeah, I forgot, only Congress gets to do that. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Oh, to be a rich, beautiful woman in her big car, driving to buy overpriced groceries to stock up her breathtaking kitchen in her gorgeous house. Posted onMay 19, 2026
Canceled a date for a date with another guy, and that guy canceled. It’s what I deserve. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I love putting on warm underwear fresh out of the dryer. Plus, it’s fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to. Posted onMay 19, 2026
I am very depressed and in a really bad mood. Perhaps it will get better if I sit inside on a beautiful day and dwell compulsively. Posted onMay 19, 2026
After a lot of experience, I can conclude that one can never actually cross “washing dishes” off the to-do list. Posted onMay 19, 2026