Commentary:
Getting the mixtape ready for my doctor’s office since it looks like I'm cruising down memory lane straight to the colonoscopy ward! 🚗💽🩺
My cat just knocked over my coffee mug and looked at me like it was my fault. How dare I put it on the edge of the table?
Commentary:
Cats have an MBA in blaming others. Next, they'll demand an apology letter and a spotless résumé. ☕😹
69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.
Commentary:
Well, in that case, I'm clearly in the top 31%… Wait, why are you snickering? 🤔😏
Here I am, block me like a hurricane.
Commentary:
Blocking spammers like a hurricane on a mission! 🌪️🚫🤣
Rich people go to parties. It’s what they do, and somehow we must all watch videos of it.
Commentary:
Ah, the modern-day soap opera: Watching other people have fun while we're at home in our pajamas… living the dream! 🍿🛋️😂
Intermittent fasting is how I drive, not how I eat.
Commentary:
Eating every time the light turns red isn't technically fasting! 🚦🥐
Why can’t they use deep fake technology for good instead of evil? Like taking Zoom meetings for you, stuff like that.
Commentary:
Finally, a use for deep fake technology that saves us from the 'Can you hear me now?' struggle! 🤔🤖💼
Cows are very calm, considering the whole floor is food to them.
Commentary:
Never skip floor season! 🐄🥗😂
I thought my wrinkles were finally getting smaller, but it turns out my eyes were just getting worse.
Commentary:
Looks like my vision is starting to give me a wrinkle discount! 👓😂
Blocking anyone who tries to motivate me.
Commentary:
Putting up motivational blockers like a pro! 🚫🔊🤣