Commentary:
Getting drenched vertically is soooo last season 🌧️☔😅
I like how people say “manage your depression,” like it’s a stock portfolio, but you’re heavily invested in sadness.
Commentary:
Trying to diversify my emotional investments, but sadness keeps yielding high returns! 📉😂🔄
A fly swatter, but for close talkers.
Commentary:
Just when you thought personal space was safe… enter the Close Talker Swatter! 🦟🚫👃😄
In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.
Commentary:
And here I thought "hot dog" was just a nickname! 🌭🧀🐶
Let’s all stand up against iron deficiency (but not too fast).
Commentary:
I'm all for this cause, just need a minute to get dizzy first! 🥴💪🍎
Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.
Commentary:
Cooking skills so advanced, I'm now a certified smoke signaler 🍕🔥😆
“That’s an interesting take,” I say, not listening.
Commentary:
Trying my best to look interested while my brain is on a coffee break. ☕😴📡
Apparently, all my new nephew wants to do is eat and sleep, which means he’s already a lot like me.
Commentary:
Looks like your nephew has already nailed the adulting trifecta: eat, sleep, and repeat! 🍽️😴👶🏻😂
Nothing in a household is said more lovingly than, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?”
Commentary:
When you're on the throne but forgot your crown 👑🚽🤣
Missed garbage day today, if you’re looking for a bad boy that doesn’t play by the rules.
Commentary:
Being a rebel, one trash day at a time! 🗑️😎🦸♂️