Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

It’s a shame that the know-it-alls know everything better but don’t do anything better.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

People who say “teamwork makes the dream work” are the reason that some people want to punch other people in the face.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Good morning only to the complexity and uncertainty of everything.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

Just once I’d like to buy a house plant that didn’t have the lifespan of a soap bubble.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

Laziness is the mother of all bad habits, but ultimately she is a mother, and we should respect her.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Okay, seen enough, someone put a blanket over my cage.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

If you’re cheering for the stormtroopers, we cannot be friends.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Another fine day ruined by responsibilities.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

Forget Botox. If you really want to look younger, get braces.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

No, I can’t tonight. I already have plans to look at my phone somewhere else.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,581

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I want someone to care for me as much as Netflix cares if someone has logged into my account from another device.

Breaking via Reddit:

Having children is a pyramid scheme.

Seen just now on Twitch:

You look like the type of person that would fart in bed and Dutch Oven yourself.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

I wanna stand with you on a mountain and throw you into the sea, or whatever Savage Garden was on about.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Just seen the cost of funerals and no wonder people are living longer.

Just shared via Reddit:

Cleaned the bathroom window. Wasn’t frosted glass at all.

Shared recently on Threads:

Being strange is exhausting.

Spotted on TikTok:

I’ve cooked for men I should have poisoned, so yeah, I do have self-control.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Told someone I’m as “single as a pringle and as neato as a dorito” and they blocked me immediately.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I’m gonna get my vasectomy done at Home Depot like a real man.

Reading Shakespeare for the first time is crazy because you go, “Oh, that’s where that comes from,” every other page.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Wow, reading Shakespeare feels like unlocking the "Where'd That Phrase Come From?" achievement on every page! 😄📜✨

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Women will be like “I know a spot,” and then take you directly to hell.

2 weeks ago

dating, hell, humor, i, know, relationship, spot, take, woman, women
It seems that after checking my bank account, I need to turn to a life of crime.

2 months ago

account, after, bank, bank account, checking, crime, desperation, financial, financial struggle, humor, i, irony, joke, life, life of crime, money, need, struggle, turn
I love canceling plans. I didn’t want to go in the first place. I just wanted to be invited.

2 months ago

anxiety, canceling, canceling plan, honesty, humor, i, introvert, invitation, invited, just, life, love, place, plan, plans, social, social anxiety, social life, want, wanted
I hate it when I check my transactions history, and everything adds up like damn, so no one stole from me.

5 months ago

banking, check, everything, finance, hate, history, humor, i, me, money, spending, stole, surprise, theft, transaction
My employer is totally caring. They pay so poorly that I can’t afford to have an alcohol or drug problem.

2 months ago

afford, alcohol, caring, drug, employer, humor, i, pay, poorly, problem, salary, work
Bro, you’re fine. You just need an impossible sequence of events to play out in perfect order against all odds and you’ll be fine.

2 months ago

bro, events, fine, impossible, just, need, odds, order, perfect, play, sequence

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

73 shares on Snapchat this month:

I wonder if my date ever found her way out of that corn maze.

48 shares on Facebook this month:

The peace of not knowing.

84 shares on Pinterest this month:

You never realize what you have until it’s gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

34 shares on Telegram this month:

I am cool with January lasting forever because rent is due February 1.

58 shares on Facebook this month:

I really appreciate where you’re coming from. I just wish you’d go back.

18 shares on Threads this month:

I was always told to eat all my food so that I’d grow to be big and strong. When exactly does the strong part kick in?

32 shares on WeChat this month:

Okay, I’ve proved I’m not a robot, now you prove you’re not a human.

41 shares on Slack this month:

Off to my crying appointment (therapy).

21 shares on Facebook this month:

I may have bags under my eyes, but they’re Versace.

80 shares on TikTok this month:

They should make a separate airport for people who know how to act like they’ve been out in public before.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Sorry I left you on read, I didn’t mean to open it just yet.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Just once I’d like my dog to give me a treat.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Hey, can I get an ETA on that “this too shall pass”?

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

My playlist is so random, I be heartbroken, thugged out, and yeehaw all at the same time.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Marriage is 33.3% hiding to eat snacks because you and your spouse are supposed to be on a diet.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

One of the great joys in this life is looking at your pet’s weird little teeth.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

Due to inflation, a picture is now worth 2300 words.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

“What do you do for a living?” I do my best.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

Grandmas be like: Imma stay for a few days and reset your children back to factory settings.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I do this fun little thing, where I take the time to write a grocery list, and then I forget it at home.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on LinkedIn:

I assume fish have beautiful names for eachother, unpronounceable by human tongues.

Trending via Slack:

I’m nearly qualified to be a weaver. My final exam is looming.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Rental car companies seem so insanely helpless at their one job. You show up at the airport, reservation in hand, and they’re like, ‘Wait, really? You wanted a car? Sorry, you totally caught me off guard.’

Live now on Twitch:

Really love how dancing alone in your room can literally save your life.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I don’t push people away, I just do the Macarena.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” I asked God to strike me dead with lightning.

Spotted on Telegram:

I hope all of you get laid and not laid off this year. Amen.

Just landed via Slack:

You are depressed because your ancestors fought, danced, and ate meals together, and you eat alone in the dark while staring at a glowing rectangle.

Breaking via Telegram:

Social media may have been a mistake.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Reading Shakespeare for the first time is crazy because you go, “Oh, that’s where that comes from,” every other page.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Women will be like “I know a spot,” and then take you directly to hell.

It seems that after checking my bank account, I need to turn to a life of crime.

I love canceling plans. I didn’t want to go in the first place. I just wanted to be invited.

I hate it when I check my transactions history, and everything adds up like damn, so no one stole from me.

My employer is totally caring. They pay so poorly that I can’t afford to have an alcohol or drug problem.

Bro, you’re fine. You just need an impossible sequence of events to play out in perfect order against all odds and you’ll be fine.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨