Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Whatever y’all heard about me, I’m way worse.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Croutons feel like an apology. “Sorry we gave you salad. Have some consolation toast.”

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Me: OMg.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

I’m not fragile like a flower. I’m fragile like a bomb.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

I’ve decided to give people an attitude instead of gifts this year.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

I’m really looking forward to eight hours of thinking about sleep tonight.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

And are the people who find you “hilarious” in the room with us now?

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

I made a resolution to eat better and exercise in the new year but didn’t specify which year I was referring to.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

I wish I had the determination of my wife, who’s still flipping through radio stations as we pull into our driveway.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Age is just a number… that now takes a really long time to scroll to.