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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Most of being a woman is just removing exclamation points from emails before you send them.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Having a loose stool means two completely different things depending on if you are a nurse or a bartender.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

I’ll never tell anyone your secret because that would mean talking to people.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Someone needs to invent a kid that listens the first time.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Saw someone from high school. She said she hadn’t seen me in years. That’s likely because I’d always seen her first.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

This year felt like being awake during surgery.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

If you don’t realize that you’re a werewolf, then you’re actually an unawarewolf.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

I only go for nature walks with people I can outrun.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

Winter is actually awesome because if you put on a couple of movies at 5 p.m., it’s already pitch black and the evening is super long, so it feels like you’re staying up til 2 a.m., but in reality, it’s only 11 p.m. 10/10!

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

Googling “effect vs affect” in an incognito window.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,235

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

People just don’t stop, collaborate, and listen like they used to.

Seen just now on Discord:

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

My wife almost fell down the stairs today and that got us into a heated argument whether my gasp was out of concern or excitement.

Live now on Snapchat:

Parents saying “I know my child” will forever be the funniest joke.

Spotted on Pinterest:

In English we say: “You changed.” But in poetry we say: “You became a stranger wearing the face I used to love, and I am haunted by the ghost of who you were.”

Spotted on Pinterest:

Back in my day, we had to walk to the TV to change the channel. Uphill, both ways!

Just shared via Instagram:

I ain’t typing “X” into the URL bar, my wife is right behind me.

Trending via Snapchat:

Going to IKEA if anyone needs some meatballs.

Going bananas on Discord:

You can tell you’re getting old when the barber spends less time on the top of your head and more time on your ears.

Just landed via Reddit:

I offered my nephew a donut and he said “no thanks, I’m not hungry right now” and I don’t think this little guy knows how donuts work.

Seriously, how sexy was Freud’s mom?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Freud's mom must have had those 'Oedipal' vibes going on 😏 Talk about the original 'Mommy Issues'! 🤣👩‍👦 #FreudianFantasies"

Freud, humor, mom, psychology, seriously, sexy

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Not a religious man but I do say a short prayer whenever I open a gas station restroom door.

0

2 months ago

bathroom, cleanliness, door, expectation, gas, gas station, humor, i, man, open, prayer, restroom, risk, say, short, station, whenever
Of course I wrote a grocery list. I carefully wrote it all down and then didn’t bring it with me, like my mother and her mother before her.

0

2 months ago

before, bring, carefully, course, everyday, everyday life, family, forgetfulness, grocery, grocery list, humor, i, life, list, me, mother, procrastination, tradition
Just did my own taxes, I should be in jail by Friday.

0

2 months ago

financial, Friday, humor, i, jail, joke, just, own, responsibility, self-assessment, tax
Due to rising prices, Dollar Tree is changing their name to ‘Tree Fiddy’.

0

2 months ago

changing, dollar, Dollar Tree, due, fiddy, humor, inflation, money, name, price, prices, retail, rising, rising price, shopping, tree, Tree Fiddy
Nothing really prepares you for when your favorite sweatpants begin to fall apart.

0

1 month ago

apart, begin, clothing, comfort, fall, falling, falling apart, favorite, humor, nothing, preparation, relatability, sweatpant, sweatpants
Turns out my superpower is the ability to go into incredible detail in completely the wrong direction.

0

2 months ago

ability, detail, direction, distraction, exaggeration, humor, incredible, irony, self-deprecating, superpower, wrong, wrong direction

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on X this month:

I’m not saying I’ve aged like fine wine, but I am currently being stored in a dark place and avoiding sunlight at all costs.

23 shares on Threads this month:

If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?

79 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Adding “but that’s just me” after giving the absolute worst advice to a coworker.

84 shares on Facebook this month:

You can’t spell disappointment without me.

56 shares on X this month:

Life is what happens in between trips to the fridge.

28 shares on Reddit this month:

Doggy style is out cat style is in. It’s where I let you touch me until I’m satisfied then ignore you and scratch you if you try and touch me again.

87 shares on Slack this month:

Taking my heart off my sleeve, I fold it up neatly and carefully place it back inside my chest.

13 shares on WeChat this month:

Hilarious when peoples outgoing voicemail message says they “can’t make it to the phone right now.” You carry the phone with you. It’s the only constant in your life.

48 shares on Slack this month:

“There’s something beautifully intimate about never speaking to a person again.”

78 shares on Telegram this month:

Sex is cool, but have you ever had a can opener that actually works?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

I can’t wait until I’m old enough to pretend I can’t hear.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Drugs don’t ruin lives. Drug tests do.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Adulting is realizing Monday is a better ‘off day’ than Friday.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

There’s something so romantic about getting McDonald’s with a lover. Intimate perhaps.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Doing taxes for an ant who inherited a teaspoon of sugar.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

I get so embarrassed for no reason after posting on social media, like, why am I showing my life?

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Let’s play a game called you bring me food and I eat it.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

‘Sex with your ex’ is so stupid. If you want to dwell on the past, you can just buy a history book.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Women are actually very understanding if you’re honest with them, especially if they like you. You don’t even have to do all that lying.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

There are two types of people at work: Those who work and those who have become pros at looking busy.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I love single sign-on because you only have to sign on once, 8 times a day.

Making waves on YouTube:

Mental state: just googled “When will the sun explode.”

Spotted on Twitch:

I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.

Seen just now on X:

Can we bring back the lost art of just hanging out at your friends house doing absolutely nothing?

Trending via Telegram:

A garlic a day keeps people away.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Don’t ruin a good sundress by wearing panties.

Shared recently on Discord:

Congrats to my tween for graduating at the top of his class from eye roll university.

Trending via Pinterest:

I’m a work in progress that hasn’t made much progress.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Seriously, how sexy was Freud’s mom?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Not a religious man but I do say a short prayer whenever I open a gas station restroom door.

Of course I wrote a grocery list. I carefully wrote it all down and then didn’t bring it with me, like my mother and her mother before her.

Just did my own taxes, I should be in jail by Friday.

Due to rising prices, Dollar Tree is changing their name to ‘Tree Fiddy’.

Nothing really prepares you for when your favorite sweatpants begin to fall apart.

Turns out my superpower is the ability to go into incredible detail in completely the wrong direction.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨