Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Does anyone know the password to my work computer? Or how to do my job?

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

A car window made specifically for a dog to stick its head out of is called a sunwoof.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

If you voted for someone because “he’s not a politician”, then I hope your next colonoscopy is done by a plumber.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

Females be cheating in healthy relationships, but are faithful in toxic ones.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

A swear jar for Twitter would end world hunger.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

The Wi-Fi stops working for 2 minutes, and suddenly I start thinking about life.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

Please don’t interrupt me when I’m trying to overhear something.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

I’ve got the longest to-do list for today, just need to figure out who is going to do it.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Even if there’s a murderer behind me, finish chewing before you tell me.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Got sent to HR for calling someone a “jellyfish” — just floating around all day, doing absolutely nothing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,336

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

This meeting could have been an AI summary.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Weekends are getting shorter and shorter. You blink and it’s already Sunday 5pm.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I’m “I can’t sit like that for too long” years old.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Saying “shut up” before skipping the YouTube ad is literally necessary.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Everyone thinks they’re brave right up until a goose starts chasing them.

Going bananas on X:

My favorite type of gender reveal is the one where they just tell me and I don’t have to go to a party to find out.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I’m the Usain Bolt of running late.

Live now on YouTube:

Please continue to leave me out of the loop.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Should I be worried that buzzards circle me when I go for a run?

Shared recently on Instagram:

Befuddlingly, a palm tree won’t fit in your hand.

Someone from Facebook Marketplace is coming over to either buy the chairs I have for sale, or to murder me.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When you can't decide if you need to clean up for guests or leave everything as evidence! 😅🪑🔪

buy, buyer, chair, chairs, coming, concern, Facebook, Facebook Marketplace, humor, i, marketplace, me, murder, online, online shopping, over, safety, safety concern, sale, shopping, someone

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up, we had to manually roll up our car windows.

0

2 months ago

bad, car, car window, childhood, generational, humor, life, manual, me, nostalgia, roll, struggle, technology, tell, window
On my phone, you’ll never see contacts saved as ‘babe’ or ‘love.’ I save full names—first and last—like a government office.

0

3 months ago

babe, communication, contact, contacts, full, full name, government, government office, humor, i, identity, love, name, never, nickname, office, phone, phone contact, relationship, save, saved, texting
Every family needs a delusional daughter who is ambitious about relieving all her family’s struggles solely by winning the lottery one day.

0

2 months ago

ambition, ambitious, daughter, day, delusional, every, family, humor, lottery, needs, struggles, winning
Relationships are actually easy when you’re not dating a lying weirdo.

0

2 months ago

actually, dating, easy, honesty, humor, love, lying, relationship, relationships, weirdo
Most people think that I’m arrogant, but who cares what peasants think.

0

2 months ago

arrogance, confidence, disregard, ego, humor, most, peasant, peasants, people, pride, think
Don’t come to my house unannounced. I will stare at you from my window.

0

3 months ago

home, house, humor, i, privacy, stare, unannounced, unannounced visitor, visitor, warning, window

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

56 shares on Snapchat this month:

Becoming a dad turned me into an environmentalist. All I do now is turn off lights and yell at people who waste energy.

38 shares on Reddit this month:

Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.

22 shares on WeChat this month:

Weekends are a scam. You spend one day exhausted and the other anxious… like, what was that?

26 shares on WeChat this month:

Bedtime procrastination isn’t a sleep issue. It’s a control issue. It’s about refusing to give up the last part of the day that feels like yours.

54 shares on Reddit this month:

At what age do I delete Snapchat?

59 shares on Threads this month:

Touch my butt, not my coffee.

30 shares on Reddit this month:

It’s actually quite simple: I don’t want to eat less, I just want to weigh less.

57 shares on Threads this month:

Grown men asking Grok if this is real.

20 shares on Reddit this month:

Thank you for being friends with me. Baffling decision, but thank you.

53 shares on Facebook this month:

My ability to remember song lyrics from the ’90s far exceeds my ability to remember why I walked into the garage.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

My social circle is so small that when the phone rings, I know it’s scammers.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

I will die on this hill or any hill really. I have no hill preference.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

I’m actually breaking generational curses by surviving my 20s without marrying a man who hates me.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

I can’t do the splits. But so far there has never been a situation where I’ve thought, “I should do the splits now.”

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Elevators frighten me. I take steps to avoid them.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

The secret to being able to buy whatever you want is not wanting much.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Hannibal Lecter didn’t have to be a serial killer, he was scary enough as a foodie.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

I’ll never understand people who go through self-checkout line and slowly and carefully scan their items. This line is for stealing.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

People are like lottery tickets, most of them are losers.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Back in the good old days, we didn’t have to trim our toenails, they just got wore down naturally from running from dinosaurs.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

Babe, are you OK? You’ve barely fulfilled the prophecy.

Making waves on Twitch:

“We’re the only species that drinks milk after infancy, dairy is bad for you!” We’re also the only species that drinks peach mango pineapple spirulina kale smoothies, Karen. Let me eat my cheese in peace.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Yesterday I really wanted tacos and now I’m eating tacos. Follow your dreams!

Breaking via Pinterest:

Never trust someone who can eat 24/7 but is still skinny.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

When you’re young, weekends are for fun. When you’re older, they’re for recovery.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Whenever I see an athlete eating quark, I get sad, because the quark could have been turned into cheesecake.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I was really happy about it being Friday until I realized it was only Wednesday.

Just shared via Instagram:

Stay an extra hour in the office and no one cares. Arrive a few minutes late and everyone loses their minds.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

It’s not too early to go to sleep. Too early only applies to waking up.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Someone from Facebook Marketplace is coming over to either buy the chairs I have for sale, or to murder me.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up, we had to manually roll up our car windows.

On my phone, you’ll never see contacts saved as ‘babe’ or ‘love.’ I save full names—first and last—like a government office.

Every family needs a delusional daughter who is ambitious about relieving all her family’s struggles solely by winning the lottery one day.

Relationships are actually easy when you’re not dating a lying weirdo.

Most people think that I’m arrogant, but who cares what peasants think.

Don’t come to my house unannounced. I will stare at you from my window.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨