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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

The oceans are rising because no one is drinking their recommended 8-12 glasses of water per day.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Don’t let anyone treat you like pond water. You are Fiji water, okay?

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

Bro, you’re fine. You just need an impossible sequence of events to play out in perfect order against all odds and you’ll be fine.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

You’d think someone in the room would’ve spoken up like “hey guys, maybe it’s a bad idea to make one ring to rule them all”.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

I have feelings for you but you have to guess which ones.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

You don’t have to be crazy to hang out with me. I’ll train you.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Still waiting for aliens to abduct me, which feels pretty rude considering I’ve been dressed and ready for years.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I’d have to do.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,252

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Messenger:

In a relationship with my bedroom fan.

Trending via Facebook:

Relationship status: he escaped.

Making waves on TikTok:

“I thought it might be nice to go round the room and say a bit about ourselves.” Oh dear, you thought wrong.

Seen just now on Threads:

“This too shall pass.” And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never f**king ends.

Making waves on TikTok:

And then the vodka whispered, “Say what you really think.”

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Dollar Tree needs to just go ahead and rename it to A Couple Dollars.

Spotted on TikTok:

If she tells you, she’s got a man, keep trying. Loyal women don’t even reply.

Making waves on Reddit:

It’s always annoying to be woken up by some guy mowing his lawn. Just go around me, man.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Everybody say a little prayer for my husband, he just told me to calm down.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Peeling a sweaty sports bra off counts as aerobic exercise, right?

The people that ask Grok everything are the same people that follow Google Map directions straight into a lake.

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The people that ask Grok everything are the same people that follow Google Map directions straight into a lake.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like their sense of direction comes with a "splash" of adventure! 😂🗺️🌊

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

24 shares on Twitch this month:

Just got diagnosed with needing a hot chocolate with extra marshmallows.

56 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you get drunk and message your ex, don’t worry. When you wake up, send bitcoin ads and pretend you were hacked.

46 shares on Telegram this month:

At the airport, and a wife asked her husband, “Where are our seats?” and he responds, “In the airplane.”

79 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Yeah, the planet is dying. The government hates us. The animals are leaving. The aliens aren’t contacting us. We might be alone. It just might be you and me.

93 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I got called “pretty” today! Well, the full sentence was “You’re pretty annoying,” but I only focus on the positive things.

84 shares on Messenger this month:

I always tell my kids that it’s okay to make mistakes just as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.

17 shares on X this month:

I don’t believe in lying to children, unless it’s about where the good snacks are hidden. Then it’s fine.

79 shares on Messenger this month:

I’ve never been cut in half by a magician, but I have worn jeans on Thanksgiving. Same thing.

13 shares on TikTok this month:

Wine must breathe. I always hear that wine needs to breathe. I want to drink it and not revive it.

76 shares on TikTok this month:

I want a hot body, but I also want hot wings.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

True bravery is getting a text from a woman with three questions in it, and only responding to one.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Follow me on Instagram if you want to see me post absolutely nothing for weeks.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Interviewer: So why do you want this job? Me: I don’t. I just need money.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

For whom the doom scrolls!

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey there, Delilah, we know you broke that dude’s heart.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

When I get bored on a Zoom meeting, I put a cursor under the speaker’s nose to make it look like they have a booger.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

When things get hot, they expand, so I’m just getting warmer, not gaining weight.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I read somewhere that playing white noise helps you sleep better, but I didn’t find country music helpful at all.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am at work.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Sure, breakups are hard, but have you ever had to wait for your phone to stop ringing so you can start using it again?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,489

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

I don’t like the person I become when I’m alone in the break room with a box of donuts.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

You ever got inside jokes with yourself, or is that schizophrenia?

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

An easy way to check if you’re attractive: send a “Hey” DM and see if they reply.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

I miss the days when you could simply end a phone call by slamming the receiver down angrily.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

Marriage is where you gasp while your husband is driving, and he gets super annoyed over and over.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Panda bears are proof that it’s okay to be kind of an idiot as long as you’re super adorable.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

People don’t catch bullets with their teeth anymore, get out there and practice.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

I like listening to podcasts because it’s basically getting to enjoy a conversation without having to participate in it.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Babe, are you okay? You haven’t touched your dark humor all day.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Being a dog must be wild, everyone you meet is your masseuse.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

People text “Happy New Year” and go missing for the rest of the year!

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Your fingers have fingertips, but your toes don’t have toetips. Yet, you can tiptoe but not tipfinger.

Going bananas on X:

Stop eating around the bush or whatever the saying is.

Just shared via TikTok:

Babe, wanna come over and watch me apply for jobs on Indeed until I start to cry.

Trending via Telegram:

I absolutely hate being woken from a nap. There were other treadmills in the gym that dude could have used.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Glad to be born at a time when I got to see what life was like before the internet, and will be dead before AI completely destroys humanity.

Seen just now on Reddit:

The only thing Flat Earthers have to fear is sphere itself.

Making waves on Slack:

There will never be a perfect time. Make that mistake now.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Phew, I thought the weather was broken because there was this weird yellow thing in the sky. But all’s well, it’s raining again.

Spotted on Slack:

I apologize to my future son for the delay, but it’s just your mom ain’t replying.

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