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Commentary:
"Ah, the dream of a friend in sync! 🕰️🤝 Imagine the glory of spontaneous hangouts and simultaneous Netflix binges… if only these mythical creatures existed! 🌟 #FriendGoals #WhoNeedsSleepAnyway"

compatibility, friends, humor, invention, life, line, planning, schedule, should, social, social life, yours

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Turns out that ending meetings with “have the day you deserve” has made me some enemies at work.

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2 months ago

day, deserve, ending, enemy, humor, me, meeting, meetings, office, relationships, sarcastic, work
I’m so old, I used to cry as a child because I fell off my skateboard or bike, not because I didn’t have wifi.

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2 months ago

bike, child, childhood, cry, i, nostalgia, old, skateboard, technology, used, wifi
This year is starting to feel like it needs to be left outside until we see if it can act right.

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2 months ago

act, act right, feel, humor, left, left outside, needs, outside, right, year
I’m getting to the age where it’s rude to pull out a bottle of ibuprofen if I don’t have enough for everyone.

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2 months ago

age, aging, behavior, bottle, enough, everyone, getting, humor, i, ibuprofen, medicine, painkiller, pull, rude, rude behavior, sharing, where
A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

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2 months ago

1794, 1994, around, asked, bad, birth, date, date of birth, delivery, delivery driver, driver, french, French Revolution, historical, historical joke, humor, i, joke, just, mate, misunderstanding, oh, revolution, right, said, sorry
My superpower is always picking the line at the grocery store that moves the slowest.

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2 months ago

frustration, grocery, grocery store, humor, line, patience, shopping, slow, store, superpower

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

71 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You better be kissing the screen when I send pics.

53 shares on Threads this month:

Sometimes I feel useless, but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

69 shares on Threads this month:

Bored as hell. Anyone want to emotionally manipulate each other?

33 shares on Twitch this month:

I tried to act normal once, worst five minutes of my life.

84 shares on Threads this month:

Go ahead. Order anything you want. Money is no object when we dine at IKEA.

64 shares on Twitch this month:

At the dispensary asking which strain will stop the yearning.

19 shares on Snapchat this month:

I think I’ll spend my savings on a lifetime supply of pasta. Worth every penne.

34 shares on Facebook this month:

Nobody shoots annoying people into the sun anymore and that’s why there are so many of them left on earth.

34 shares on Threads this month:

As you get older, nothing loses its sting more than an authority figure saying they are disappointed in you. Like, I don’t know what to tell you, dude, we can’t both live in the prison of your expectations.

91 shares on Instagram this month:

I ate my exam paper. Which means that pretty soon I’ll pass the test.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

To save money in this economy, I’ve tried eating out and I’ve tried cooking at home. The answer is starvation.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Every app is a dating app if you are creepy enough.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

Sorry I’m late, my song came on at the grocery store.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

No matter how early you get up, fate always gets up half an hour earlier.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Of course, being a child is terrible. They don’t give you any money, and then make you watch commercials the whole time.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

The sexual tension between me and a late afternoon coffee to get me through the workday.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Happy Earth Day. You don’t look a day over 4 billion years and get hotter every year.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

I don’t care about life on other planets. I don’t even have a life on this one.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Before I agree to the new year, I wanna read the terms and conditions.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

Fun Fact: Dove chocolate tastes way better than their soap.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Facebook:

I can relate to the stock market because I am always about to crash at a moment’s notice.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

They need to invent a job for people who aren’t good at anything nor motivated nor social.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I totally understand those uncles and aunts who don’t attend gatherings.

Shared recently on WeChat:

If Shakespeare were being born today, he’d be “Shaxxespyr.”

Going viral on Snapchat:

Good news, I just decided I don’t care about anything anymore.

Spotted on Telegram:

There is literally no rule that says you have to get married and start a family. Normalize splitting a mansion with your five best friends and ten dogs.

Live now on Facebook:

Sunday night: Super Bowl party! Monday morning: Toilet Bowl party!

Spotted on Messenger:

Nothing has improved the quality of my life more than living beyond my means.

Just shared via Slack:

Will someone please make me drink some water and limit my screen time.

Making waves on Twitch:

Men used to smoke Marlboros. Now they cry when they lose their strawberry cheesecake vape.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

They should invent friends whose schedules line up with yours.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Turns out that ending meetings with “have the day you deserve” has made me some enemies at work.

I’m so old, I used to cry as a child because I fell off my skateboard or bike, not because I didn’t have wifi.

This year is starting to feel like it needs to be left outside until we see if it can act right.

I’m getting to the age where it’s rude to pull out a bottle of ibuprofen if I don’t have enough for everyone.

A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

My superpower is always picking the line at the grocery store that moves the slowest.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨