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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Why can’t I cry money instead of tears?

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

The only reason I insist on returning to the office is because my cat needs a break from me staring at him all day.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Nothing like waking up on a Friday and finding out it’s Tuesday.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Too poor for Ozempic but too undisciplined for strict diet and exercise. Is there a secret third option?

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves while he does.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

The 80s were wild, man. You had bands naming themselves after predatory cats with hearing problems.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

Becoming a dad turned me into an environmentalist. All I do now is turn off lights and yell at people who waste energy.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Entered this world crying, and honestly, not much has changed.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

No, I mean, it’s great toast. I just didn’t expect it to be French.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

The absolute injustice of being asked to come and take away the boxes of junk that you’ve been storing at your parents’ house for 20 years.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,674

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

If anyone wants to watch the Super Bowl on a large 8k TV, come on over to my place (and bring a large 8k TV).

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Used shampoo containing caffeine. My hair is already on its way to work.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

The only way to my heart is with a knife.

Going viral on Slack:

I know so many people with cats, and only a tiny number of them went to a shelter and picked out a cat. Everyone else I know with a cat has a story that’s like, ‘Yeah, he just moved in.’

Just shared via Instagram:

Stop telling people to grow up. Have you seen adults?

Going bananas on Facebook:

Nobody’s more stubborn than an Android person that won’t switch to iPhone.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Okay, fall, I see you showing a lil’ leg.

Just shared via Threads:

Never meeting another person again, so if I know you already, congrats!

Seen just now on Reddit:

You are born, you lie about how you are and then you die.

Making waves on X:

I think we just need to accept that the 90’s was our peak as a species.

Things I don’t want in my future house: An angry man.

2 months ago

0

Things I don’t want in my future house: An angry man.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Note to self: Must-have criteria for the future house – no room for an angry man! 🚫🧔🏻‍♂️ Who needs that negative energy when the walls can be painted with happiness and laughter instead? 💁🏻‍♀️🏡 #NoAngryMenAllowed"

angry, angry man, don’t, future, future house, home, house, humor, i, living, living situation, man, situation, things, things I don’t want, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I watch “Law and Order” so much that when I turn off the TV, I wipe my fingerprints off the remote.

0

5 months ago

binge, binge-watching, control, fingerprint, fingerprints, humor, i, law, Law and Order, much, order, remote, remote control, turn, TV, watch, watching, wipe
I hate having a ton of anxiety and no energy. It’s like having a tank full of gas and no engine.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, energy, engine, exhaustion, frustration, full, gas, hate, having, health, humor, i, mental, mental health, tank
Getting older is realizing how great doing nothing is.

0

2 months ago

aging, doing, doing nothing, enjoyment, getting, great, humor, lessons, life, life lessons, nothing, older, relaxation, simplicity
If they stole your post, they probably need it more than you do.

0

2 months ago

empathy, humor, need, perspective, post, posts, sharing, stole, theft
There are two types of people in politics. Avoid them.

0

2 months ago

avoid, avoidance, humor, people, politics, types
It’s so hot here, I’m breaking a sweat just bitching and moaning about it.

0

5 months ago

bitching, breaking, complaining, frustration, heat, here, hot, hot weather, humor, just, moaning, sweat, weather

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on Facebook this month:

Getting left on read really gives me perspective on what Nigerian princes go through.

32 shares on Telegram this month:

Not to be dramatic, but when I accidentally save a file twice and it adds that (1) at the end, it is the worst moment of my life.

51 shares on Reddit this month:

Shout out to the dude who flipped me off in traffic. Making me feel all nostalgic for California, thank you.

69 shares on LinkedIn this month:

As soon as the sun comes back out, I want a beer. It’s science.

33 shares on Threads this month:

Signed an Executive Order that you have to give me a little forehead kiss.

51 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Growing up, I always knew I was gonna be the distant family member.

64 shares on X this month:

Terrible things can happen if you go camping. For starters, you could want to go camping again.

93 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Gonna tell my dentist that if I’m late, he should start without me.

54 shares on Telegram this month:

We live in a time where intelligent people are being silenced, so that stupid people won’t be offended.

35 shares on Slack this month:

Instead of studying, I like to stay on my phone and worry about how I’m going to pass.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Being an adult is when you ask the babysitter when you should be home.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What’s next, more things? That’s how they get you.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite part about going camping is the part where I stay at home, and I don’t go camping.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Hate it when my mouth says something my brain was trying to keep quiet.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t explain it, but I am very bold and very shy at the same time.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Once again, I was not nominated for an Oscar this morning for acting my way through life.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your 50s… A new pain will be be assigned to you shortly.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Putting mental health before my education is a good idea until it affects my education, which affects my mental health, which affects my education.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Just got diagnosed with needing a hot chocolate with extra marshmallows.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t need all of these heat advisory warnings on my phone. I’ve been outside. I have skin. I know.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,593

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

Hobbies include fake smiling while waiting for people to stop talking.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Floppy disks are like Jesus. They died to become the icon of saving.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Asking my landlord if he has any Cyber Monday deals.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Telling your parents about your problems is like trying to put out a fire with gasoline.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

If you have an old house, but you haven’t got a ghost, you should complain to the estate agent.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

I feel like I’ve skipped the whole ‘go out and have fun’ stage and went straight to being an 80-year-old woman.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

If you’re wondering how motherhood is going, I’m watching a TV show and someone is in traction with a full body cast and I sighed and said “That looks so relaxing”

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

The recipe I’m making specifically says allow to cook undisturbed, and yet my whole family is standing in the kitchen.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Messenger:

I don’t really do one-night stands, but I will do, like, 3-8 months of a semi-toxic, undefined relationship that wastes my time and ruins my life.

Making waves on Instagram:

Your nose is in the middle of your face because it is the scenter.

Breaking via Reddit:

Hey, can I get an ETA on that “this too shall pass”?

Live now on Snapchat:

Yes, I am super annoying, but don’t worry, it’s just permanent.

Spotted on Telegram:

Whatever you do today, do it with the confidence of a 4-year old wearing a Batman cape.

Making waves on Messenger:

Every CVS has its own unique energy that’s powerful enough to exalt or destroy the individual.

Making waves on TikTok:

Explain it to me like I’m 5 drinks in.

Making waves on YouTube:

I find it hard to believe I used to just answer my phone when it rang. No caller ID. No idea who was calling. Just picked it up and said “hello” like a goddam daredevil.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I’m at that age where I can no longer refer to other people as “elderly.”

Going viral on Twitch:

A moment of silence for those who hate us but can’t unfriend us because they’re afraid of not knowing what’s happening in our lives.

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