Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

The children seemed disappointed when I told them the best part about being an adult is going to bed early.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Starting a new life today, bye.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

I think I’m closer to retirement than to a relationship.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

I’m not an early bird or a night owl, I’m some sort of permanently exhausted pigeon.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

I will play my favorite song until the artist comes out of my phone to ask for water.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

January-me would not believe the life I lived this year.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Cows are very calm, considering the whole floor is food to them.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

“Because my hair is not done” is a very valid reason to decline an outing.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

Men make money to be with a woman, but women make money to not have to be with a man. Clock it!

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Self-checkout is amazing for introverts until the machine breaks and two employees have to come fix it while you wait.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,271

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

An electric car is just another electric chair.

Making waves on Telegram:

I kind of miss when people stood 6 feet away.

Shared recently on Discord:

Seven wives and no alcohol? No thanks, Mormons.

Spotted on X:

Are you bad wifi, cause im feeling no connection here.

Trending via Twitch:

I don’t rise and shine. I caffeinate and hope.

Seen just now on Discord:

I’m now at the age where sitting cross-legged on the floor is punishable by about three days of full-body paralysis.

Spotted on Slack:

Having children is a pyramid scheme.

Breaking via Slack:

“God has a plan for you!” Okay, well, I have some notes for him.

Going viral on WeChat:

What beautiful weather outside. I’m gonna close the curtains.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Silicon Valley has taken over the world. Remember when nerds had the good manners to be ashamed of themselves?

Tweeting with no audience feels like screaming jokes into a cornfield.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Screaming my best jokes to corn stalks, at least they won’t judge or boo me! 🌽😂📢

audience, communication, cornfield, feels, humor, joke, jokes, loneliness, media, screaming, social, social media, tweeting

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Being sleepy all day is just part of who I am.

0

2 months ago

am, day, humor, i, identity, just, laziness, sleepy
Carefully choosing which wine to pair with a McRib.

0

2 months ago

carefully, casual, casual dining, choice, dining, fast, fast food, food, food humor, food joke, humor, joke, McRib, pairing, quirky, quirky choice, wine, wine pairing
Too shy for influencing. Too dumb for crypto. Too honest for a scam. Too lazy for 9-5. How can I make money?

0

2 weeks ago

9-5, 9-5 job, 95, crypto, dumb, honesty, i, influencer, influencing, job, laziness, lazy, making, making money, money, scam, self-doubt, shy, shyness, too
Caesar, looking shocked: “Is it bring your knife to work day or something?”

0

2 months ago

bring, Caesar, day, humor, knife, looking, shock, shocked, something, work
“My reading glasses would look good on your nightstand.” -Me, flirting.

0

2 months ago

flirting, glasses, good, humor, line, me, nightstand, pickup, pickup line, reading, reading glasses, romance
Me: This is my favorite. I would like to buy this exact same item of clothing again. The fashion industry: No.

0

2 months ago

again, buy, clothing, fashion, favorite, humor, i, industry, irony, item, me, repetition, same, shopping

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on Threads this month:

My sleeping pattern isn’t even a pattern anymore. It’s a lifestyle.

25 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Vegans will look you dead in the eye and tell you cauliflower tastes like ribs.

77 shares on Instagram this month:

Me, when a 25-year-old talks to me: please be patient with me, I’m from the 1900s.

56 shares on X this month:

Maybe everyone can just pee outside from now on so I never have to clean the toilets again.

38 shares on Threads this month:

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

65 shares on Messenger this month:

“I have a favourite hole”, me, at the pool table.

52 shares on Messenger this month:

Bisexual just means that I wear perfume with my men’s deodorant.

97 shares on Twitch this month:

It’s with a heavy heart and a deep sadness that I have to announce that I’m at work.

30 shares on Discord this month:

It’s always a huge relief when I’m reading a list of symptoms of a deadly disease, and it says unexplained weight loss.

11 shares on Instagram this month:

It ain’t easy being America’s sweetheart during these dark times, but someone gotta do it!

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

At this point, if I get picked up by aliens, I’m just gonna go ahead and consider it a rescue mission instead of an abduction.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Shazam, but for whatever the hell goes on in the apartment upstairs.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

If I got $5 every time I thought of you, I would start thinking of you.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Nobody defends billionaires better than dudes making $50,000 a year.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

I can now see how sitting on a porch could fill an entire life.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Sorry, can’t. I’m currently nodding in class so the teacher doesn’t feel sad.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

I wonder if the sun also takes pictures of humanity going down?

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

A job interview is basically a conversation between two liars.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Voice messages. Just call, goddamnit!

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Snapchat:

Me, with $33 left after paying bills: Let’s see how much a Land Rover costs.

Live now on Pinterest:

Never skip the footnotes – it’s here you find out who made the author angry enough to write the article.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Shoutout to video games, man. I love having a reason to live.

Just shared via Twitch:

Fact: WhatsApp is the most boring app if you’re single.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

I’m a total go with the flow kinda person as long as the flow is meticulously scheduled well in advance and there are no mid-flow changes whatsoever.

Trending via WeChat:

Back in the good old days, we didn’t have to trim our toenails, they just got wore down naturally from running from dinosaurs.

Making waves on Telegram:

Only at 27 do you become old, and then when you turn 30, you become younger than ever. That’s just how it goes.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Money talks, and also waves goodbye.

Just landed via Messenger:

Look at you with tape over your camera, while Amazon, Facebook, and Google have your whole life on file.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Not to brag but I can chop an onion without crying. And I can cry without chopping an onion.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Tweeting with no audience feels like screaming jokes into a cornfield.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Being sleepy all day is just part of who I am.

Carefully choosing which wine to pair with a McRib.

Too shy for influencing. Too dumb for crypto. Too honest for a scam. Too lazy for 9-5. How can I make money?

Caesar, looking shocked: “Is it bring your knife to work day or something?”

“My reading glasses would look good on your nightstand.” -Me, flirting.

Me: This is my favorite. I would like to buy this exact same item of clothing again. The fashion industry: No.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨