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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

Are people born with photographic memories or do they take time to develop?

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Be nice to your children’s teachers. Especially elementary ones, cause kids have loose lips and that teacher has all the dirt on you.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

It’s Mother’s Day Eve so remember to leave out a bottle of wine for Mom when she comes down the chimney.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

A clever man fills his wife’s closet with so many clothes that no other man can fit in.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Can’t argue with a guy that has curly hair. Whatever you say, gorgeous.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

My friend says to me, “What rhymes with orange?” And I told him, “No, it doesn’t.”

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

There needs to be a separate grocery store for people who actually know what they’re doing.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

My dream car is a taco truck.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Once when I was exercising, I realized that I was allergic to it. I was out of breath, sweating and my heart was racing.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

Your dog immediately knows you’re leaving when you put on nice clothes… only because you usually look homeless when you’re at home.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,331

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

Imagine if you spent all your time studying, actually studying.

Just landed via WeChat:

I have a date and nothing to wear. Or as Nietzsche said: If you stare into a closet long enough, the closet stares back at you.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Has anyone ever died from waiting for a group of people to decide what they want to eat.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Apparently, “spite” is not an appropriate answer to “What motivates you?”

Trending via Snapchat:

God’s plan for me does not involve LinkedIn at all.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Ripped a tag off my leggings and did not realize it was load-bearing.

Just landed via Reddit:

I hate when I turn off my brights for an incoming vehicle and then realize it’s a Cybertruck.

Seen just now on Slack:

My first thought upon waking up in the morning is “not again”.

Just landed via Reddit:

People who say that they don’t have time for my bullshit should wake up an hour earlier.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

“It is what it is,” I say, as I almost vomit from anxiety.

Twitter is great because you can get good life advice from other emotionally unstable adults.

27 minutes ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about social media revealing emotional instability in adults.

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Commentary:
"Finally, a place where questionable advice meets relatable chaos! 🐦😂 #AdultingTogether"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

What if we kissed while watching the decay of our society?

2 days ago

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Hey, you should start your own business and then mind it.

3 days ago

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What’s a girl gotta do to feel a dopamine high around here?

3 months ago

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I’m not addicted to Twitter. I’m just a really good listener so I want to know what everyone has to say.

4 hours ago

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Once I shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye.

3 days ago

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I would do absolutely anything to get 8 hours of sleep, except for going to bed 8 hours before I need to wake up.

2 months ago

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Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

34 shares on Reddit this month:

He likes when I shakalaka, so, woop, there it is.

77 shares on Discord this month:

Much of my algorithm is based on when I paused while scrolling to grab a snack.

71 shares on WeChat this month:

AI is trained on what we write, so if we want to save our jobs we should all write really badly for a while. I’ve been doing my bit for years.

79 shares on Pinterest this month:

Spent 20 minutes training ChatGPT to write the perfect anniversary note for my wife, so don’t try to tell me I’m not romantic.

75 shares on Facebook this month:

If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

28 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’ve finally found out what chronology is. And it’s about time.

39 shares on Snapchat this month:

“I’m currently not accepting new items on my to-do list.”

91 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Have kids so you can fully appreciate how well your dog listens.

72 shares on X this month:

Imagine being a dinosaur. No work or bills. No drama. Just extinct.

14 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t like violence, but I don’t mind if I get hit by luck.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

I don’t know what i’m going to be for Halloween, so I’m probably just going to put in a tampon and go as a sexy kite.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

I love being outside, just not when it’s too cold or too hot or too wet or too windy or if there are bugs.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

A general rule of parenting: if you’re having a great day, the day isn’t old enough yet.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the trunk either.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Dating app that matches you based on your risk tolerance for airport arrival timing.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Isolation, the most goated coping mechanism. I love talking to no one and losing my mind alone.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

He thinks I’m so smart because I read books. Baby, they is FAWKING in these books.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

I find it extremely hard to believe that you’re rolling on the floor laughing.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Whispering to paramedic before I pass out: save me, but not enough that I have to go to work tomorrow.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

What a strange day. And it has been for years.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Facebook:

Kids today will never understand how many ninjas there were in the 1980s.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Tears for Fears: Everybody wants to rule the world. Me: Some of us just want eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I may be a chaotic mess, but then so is quantum physics.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I can’t tell if I need coffee, a hug, or to just go live in the woods forever.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Can’t sleep because I keep finding exciting opportunities to get pissed off.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Life is like bread. It gets hard at some point.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

My stomach just made the exact sound of the “your” in “your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice messaging system.”

Making waves on Facebook:

I miss my Dad opening the windows and talking about cross-ventilation.

Making waves on Discord:

A lot of childhood characters weren’t so much beloved as there wasn’t anything else on the TV.

Going viral on WeChat:

Yoda, seeing himself in 4K: HDMI

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Twitter is great because you can get good life advice from other emotionally unstable adults.

Keep the laugh going 😂

What if we kissed while watching the decay of our society?

Hey, you should start your own business and then mind it.

What’s a girl gotta do to feel a dopamine high around here?

I’m not addicted to Twitter. I’m just a really good listener so I want to know what everyone has to say.

Once I shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye.

I would do absolutely anything to get 8 hours of sleep, except for going to bed 8 hours before I need to wake up.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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