Unfair that the older I get, the clearer photo quality gets.

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A gender-neutral equivalent of ‘sugar daddy’ is glucose guardian.

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Good things happen when you smile or when you’re naked.

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50 shades of single.

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Here’s your daily reminder to not forget about Dre.

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People call me a “Trekkie,” but I’m not. I’ve only seen Star Wars a couple of times.

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Good morning to everyone except the people who are missing the ability to read the room.

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I don’t argue with my kids anymore. I just vacuum every surface of the living room while they’re trying to watch TV.

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I slept like a baby, knowing I’m a burden to everyone around me.

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Soccer: I love when they hold up the sign and a brand new, beautiful boy takes the place of a dirty, sweaty, ruined one.

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If you tell me to make myself at home, I’m going to ask you to leave.