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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m not superstitious because it brings bad luck.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

I’ve tasted being the bigger person, I’ve also tasted matching energy. I recommend no contact.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

There comes a time in everyone’s life when you hear the newest slang, and you decide that you don’t care enough to know what it means.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

No one declines an incoming call faster than a 3-year-old watching YouTube.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

I’m trying to cut back on how much sense I make.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

I got Botox, and I asked the doctor, “How many years younger will this make me look?” and he was like, “Zero. You’ll just look like the other girls your age who have also gotten Botox.”

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

Sorry I’m late, my dog was sleeping in the shape of a donut and I had to take so many photos.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

She’s got style. She’s got grace. She dropped her cellphone on her face. She’s a lady.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

They always say, there is someone for everyone… unfortunately, the person for me is a therapist.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,544

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

Not now, kitten. Mommy’s destroying and betraying herself for nothing.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Sometimes I wonder if the plot ever gets tired of being twisted.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I’m at an age now where I start sentences with “I’m at an age now.”

Making waves on Slack:

“Don’t shoot your gun at the hurricane” the government says. I’ll do my own research, thanks.

Going viral on WeChat:

I may regret the megabytes I’ve wasted, but I’ll never regret the megabites I’ve tasted.

Breaking via Reddit:

A bird just flew into our glass door. Іt’s not dead. Just really embarrassed.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Don’t hate me because I can fall asleep within seconds; hate me because I can sleep through the night without having to get up to go to the bathroom.

Trending via Pinterest:

I would like even faster food.

Just landed via TikTok:

How soon into a new relationship should you let her know you’re an idiot?

Seen just now on Telegram:

We’re so close to “Let’s circle back next year” season, I can taste it.

Unfortunately, you have to almost worship the ground I walk on for me to believe you’re into me.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"Guess I'll start carrying holy water just in case! 😇💧🙌 #GroundBlessing"

almost, believe, confidence, dating, flirtation, ground, humor, humor quote, i, me, romantic, romantic tension, sarcasm, self-esteem, tension, unfortunately, walk, worship

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Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Once I matched with a guy and ended up finding out he lived in my neighborhood, so I told him to go outside and scream, and he did. And I heard it.

28 shares on Instagram this month:

There’s nothing like the first two months with a man when he’s still pretending to be a good person.

58 shares on X this month:

The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder. That escalated quickly.

50 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m actually quite nice. If I had friends, they’d all confirm that.

76 shares on Pinterest this month:

A spiral is just a circle that’s afraid of closure.

23 shares on Messenger this month:

I get all the cardio I need by running out of patience.

100 shares on Pinterest this month:

My first rodeo and my last rodeo were the same rodeo.

59 shares on Instagram this month:

Hilarious when peoples outgoing voicemail message says they “can’t make it to the phone right now.” You carry the phone with you. It’s the only constant in your life.

65 shares on YouTube this month:

I wish my life could have a stats screen but for things I care about. Like how many English Muffins with peanut butter I’ve eaten.

57 shares on Slack this month:

The lion does not concern himself with social proof.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

I asked my dad what his favorite joke was. He said, “I can’t pick a favorite. I love you and your sister equally!”

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

Our dog snores so loud, we had to rename him Grandpa.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Why do Marvel movies need 3 hours to accomplish what The Powerpuff Girls did in 11 minutes?

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

“Hope you’re enjoying the sunshine!” No, I’m at a desk reading your email.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

I don’t mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

There’s no post-breakup healing process for girls. You just wake up one day and be like, “Ew,” and you’re free.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

The older I get, the more I lose my looks. But I’m also losing my eyesight, so it’s not my problem.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

They should invent weekends that are long-lasting.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

I don’t think inside the box and I don’t think outside the box. I don’t even know where the box is.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

My dog pisses on every election sign regardless of political party so I have no idea who he is voting for.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

Pretty sure they’re naming prescription drugs by just grabbing random Scrabble tiles. “Oh hey, Qdilrox sounds good.”

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I really understand why boomers text with ellipses between everything… it feels so good…

Making waves on Slack:

God bless the student essay that is so confused and rambling, there is zero chance that they used AI.

Spotted on Facebook:

Whoever was the first to shorten “Richard” down to “Dick” must have really hated that guy.

Trending via Slack:

Quitting my job to focus on being in love.

Going viral on Reddit:

I don’t always carry all the groceries on one arm, but when I do, my keys are in the wrong pocket.

Live now on TikTok:

Driving to work, and I just reached down to touch my leg to make sure I have pants on.

Trending via YouTube:

Sorry I’m unavailable… the horrors of reality insist upon themselves.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I love when people say “be yourself,” like I haven’t already been doing that and scaring everyone off.

Shared recently on Slack:

My dating checklist is down to “not the Unabomber”.

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Activity Log ✨

Unfortunately, you have to almost worship the ground I walk on for me to believe you’re into me.

Therapy should be free and accessible because getting traumatized is free and accessible.

Every time I turn around, it’s Monday.

Pomegranates are worth the mess.

A dating app for people who are way too into cookies, called Crumble.

Sexting is hilarious, when you think about it. Like, this email truly should’ve been a meeting.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Unfortunately, you have to almost worship the ground I walk on for me to believe you’re into me.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Therapy should be free and accessible because getting traumatized is free and accessible.

Every time I turn around, it’s Monday.

Pomegranates are worth the mess.

A dating app for people who are way too into cookies, called Crumble.

Sexting is hilarious, when you think about it. Like, this email truly should’ve been a meeting.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you talk on speakerphone in public, everyone around you hates you.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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