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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

Friends with benefits, but it’s just that they make delicious baked goods.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

My favourite animal is me when I have money.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

Everything’s under control. I just don’t know whose.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

One day there will be condoms with Bluetooth that tell you whether you’re good in bed, how many calories you’ve burned and when the next train leaves.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

I respect perfume commercials being like we can’t show you a smell mind if we just go insane for 30 seconds.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

If I was a priest, I’d make my side of the confession booth really big so I could run around.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

I’m going to sleep. Anyone want anything?

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

The retirement age needs to be lowered to 40, I’ve had enough.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Yeah, I’ll get up soon, I just need to look at the internet first. Yes, the whole thing.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Cars should come with a secondary smaller “sorry” horn for when you do something a lil silly by accident.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,618

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

I feel like my greatest accomplishment today has been not saying what I’m thinking out loud.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

The good old days, when you didn’t have to charge your watch and it didn’t constantly remind you how fat you were.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Whoever coined, “No good deed goes unpunished”, must have fed some seagulls.

Just landed via Telegram:

Fleetwood Mac said that I could go my own way, your honor.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

You honestly gotta believe in yourself so much that it’s borderline delusional.

Just landed via Telegram:

I wasn’t sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and shit myself.

Spotted on X:

No, it’s totally fine, Grandma. Nobody else needs to use the stairs today.

Just landed via Reddit:

I’m so lazy that I get jealous when it’s bedtime in other countries.

Just landed via Twitch:

How do couples who live together get anything done? I wouldn’t leave my bed if my girlfriend was in it.

Just landed via Instagram:

Mom asked me what I was drinking the first time I got drunk and I said “breast milk” and now she’s not talking to me.

You told your cat how much you love him, but now it’s morning, the sun is out, you’re sober, and it’s just weird for both of you.

6 days ago

Witty text about morning awkwardness with your loving, yet judgmental cat.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Well, looks like someone had a passionate heart-to-heart with their feline friend last night! 🌙🐱 Now it's a bright new day, and the awkwardness is hitting harder than a hairball. Time to embrace the sober reality of talking love with your cat before coffee kicks in!"

both, cat, just, love, morning, much, sober, sun, told, weird

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on Telegram this month:

Is there an app yet that converts voice messages into text messages?

96 shares on Twitch this month:

Drugs do not ruin your career. Drug tests do.

66 shares on Threads this month:

Sorry, can’t go out tonight. My bed told me it needs me, and I can’t let it down.

33 shares on Snapchat this month:

You can just make up words and if you say them in a Scottish accent, people will think they’re real: Looka the wee janglers on that tary bibbit.

15 shares on Telegram this month:

Sorry, but I don’t think we should see each other anymore. Your Katana skills are lacking.

56 shares on Twitch this month:

Hey man, be careful on the trampoline, one of my buddies never came back down.

98 shares on TikTok this month:

They should name a personality disorder after me.

12 shares on Twitch this month:

If an alien is 60 million light years away and is watching us through a telescope, it will see dinosaurs.

23 shares on WeChat this month:

Shy with a mean resting face is a crazy combo.

71 shares on WeChat this month:

Sometimes people come into your life — and they need to stop doing that.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Thinking of starting a true crime podcast. Gotta explain this search history somehow.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The woman that cleaned my house could make a lot of money by threatening to release the before and after photos.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

The only thing we need to bring back is duels.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Apparently, stress balls are not supposed to be thrown at people who are stressing you out.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s no reason my stomach should be growling, I just gave it some iced coffee.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

These days, you gotta have a job for the bills and another job for yourself.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

You should just baseline mistrust every single politician at every level until they prove themselves worthy of liking.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

My tombstone will read “Hey there, I’m using WhatsApp!”.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Overheard the most hilarious conversation on my morning commute, then realized it was just me talking to myself in my car.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,434

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

I changed my alarm clock sound to an applause, it’s the least I deserve for waking up at 7am.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

A single garbageman contributes more to society before lunch than every crypto trader and op-ed writer combined does in their lifetime.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Just a reminder that you’re not allowed to hit your coworkers. Even if they’re stupid. I asked. Twice.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

I talk to one guy, and he wants to break my heart. I talk to five guys, and they all wanna take me seriously.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Stop telling everyone I’m posting from earth. People don’t need to know where I live.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

If you’re partying with your cousin and you’re asked if you’re related, “Our parents are siblings” will cause a lot of confusion.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Mouse in a conference call: hold on, I’m gonna put you on squeakerphone.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

I enjoy long walks up and down my stairs trying to remember what I was supposed to be doing.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Hate how quietly iPhones die. At 5% it should start verbally begging for its life.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Welcome to your 50s, you now take supplements to help your memory, but you can’t remember if you took them today.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

Your posts make me wish I could forget how to read.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I don’t really care how you met your partner. Tell me about how you met your nemesis.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

People who live in glass houses shouldn’t change clothes.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Using ChatGPT requires you to actually be smart; otherwise, it just regurgitates your dumb takes back to you.

Trending via WeChat:

Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

Going viral on Pinterest:

“Comparison is the thief of joy!” Well, not if you’re better than everyone else.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Just asked this girl Hannah how she spells her name, and she just said, “Two of everything, darling.” Iconic!

Making waves on Snapchat:

They say money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.

Broadcasted on X:

Ironic that the two ơ’s in “cooperate” insist on having their own separate sounds.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

“I” before “E,” except when your foreign neighbor Keith receives eight counterfeit beige sleighs from weird, feisty, caffeinated weightlifters.

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