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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

The closest thing I’ve had to a personal trainer is the ice cream truck that drove past my house.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

I miss phone booths. We used to train our immune system in those things.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

I wonder if Van Halen realized they were writing music just to lift weights to.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

If we were subway rats, I’d share my pizza crust with you.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Anytime someone comments on my weight, I try to ignore them and keep my chins up.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

I was living in the moment until I was evicted.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

I have a lot in common with AI. We occasionally provide incorrect information with a confident tone.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

I’m sorry, but I already have an A.I. boyfriend.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Insulting me won’t work. I already said that to myself earlier.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Acting jealous while secretly cheating is a pure talent of witchcraft.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,538

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Reddit:

Being on a diet isn’t so bad if you don’t follow it.

Going viral on Slack:

Next time I feel butterflies, I’m chugging down a bottle of tequila so they drown.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I know I just ate a snack, but I could really use a snack.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I dare you to try and be more single than me.

Trending via YouTube:

Plants are like “I’ll have a light lunch.”

Seen just now on TikTok:

Doing some skin care routine but my skin doesn’t care.

Breaking via Discord:

I’m gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful, like a poorly timed joke that makes everyone feel weird.

Just shared via Discord:

Anytime someone comments on my weight, I try to ignore them and keep my chins up.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.

Going viral on Instagram:

Forgetting to put jewelry and perfume on is literally the worst feeling.

Do you think working at Pizza Hut would help you get a job at Sunglass Hut? You know, with all that hut experience?

2 months ago

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Commentary:
Applying all my hut skills to become the ultimate Hut Manager! 🍕🕶️🏕️

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Social Media Stars ⭐

84 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’ve cut my fingernails too short and now I can’t open my shower gel. What’s the point of being well-groomed if I can’t smell like mangos?

66 shares on Telegram this month:

Behind every beautiful woman is either tummy issues, low iron, or poor eyesight.

43 shares on Telegram this month:

Terrifying if taken literally—if these walls could talk.

65 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you want people to have kind words when you pass, you should say kind words when you’re alive.

85 shares on TikTok this month:

Before I start seeing a psychiatrist, does anyone like me crazy?

20 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The guy in the stall beside doesn’t know he can shut off his camera shutter.

58 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Crazy that caffeine has no short or long-term negative side effects. Just a super drug from God.

69 shares on Facebook this month:

I can’t believe there was a time in my life when someone had to make me take a nap.

81 shares on Facebook this month:

Don’t listen to any thoughts about yourself if your hair isn’t washed. It’s just not true.

94 shares on LinkedIn this month:

And is the financial stability in the room with us right now?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

The only constant in my life are the accidental screenshots of my lock screen.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

My favorite voicemails are those where the person doesn’t leave one.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

I installed a bike rack on my car so my neighbors think I do something else besides drink.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Let’s ruin each other’s sleep schedules and call it romance.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

I’m so toxic, I can fight for a relationship I don’t even want.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Pregnancy is crazy. You really come home with someone you don’t know, with no teeth.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

It was me, I let the dogs out.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

Should be able to shazam the inner yearnings of my heart.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

Knowing a guy who knows a guy is one of the most valuable things in the entire world.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Don’t blame the holidays, you were already overweight in August.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Agriculture can’t possibly be a dying industry. Bot farms are booming.

Live now on Slack:

I could win awards for having a bad memory. In fact, I probably did. How would I know.

Trending via Messenger:

King Kong should’ve been able to find a better place to hide than the top of the tallest building in the middle of New York City.

Just landed via Telegram:

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Spotted on Snapchat:

The best essential oils are the ones that drip out of Tacos.

Breaking via Threads:

Welcome to your 40s! You’re gonna need several doctors, no matter how many apples.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Someone needs to make an app for a Tamagotchi that you keep alive by going offline.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Feeling morally and spiritually adrift without a Sunday HBO show.

Shared recently on Discord:

Being a reader means voluntarily signing up for fictional heartbreak, and then recommending the pain to others.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Do you think working at Pizza Hut would help you get a job at Sunglass Hut? You know, with all that hut experience?

I don’t have any rizz but I do have snacks in my purse.

I wish religion made people nicer to each other.

My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

And once again my day begins without a red carpet! Guys, I’m really disappointed in you.

“Your boos mean nothing to me. I’ve seen what you cheer.” Is a goated doctrine. If Rick and Morty gave us anything, it gave us that.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Do you think working at Pizza Hut would help you get a job at Sunglass Hut? You know, with all that hut experience?

Keep the laugh going 😂

Unfollowing girls on Instagram as soon as they get a boyfriend is something I’ll never stop doing.

I don’t have any rizz but I do have snacks in my purse.

I wish religion made people nicer to each other.

My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

And once again my day begins without a red carpet! Guys, I’m really disappointed in you.

“Your boos mean nothing to me. I’ve seen what you cheer.” Is a goated doctrine. If Rick and Morty gave us anything, it gave us that.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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