204 Funny am quotes

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: No LinkedIn, I am not “open to work,” I am required to work.

  Commentary:
  "Sorry LinkedIn, I may be open to snacks and naps, but work? That's a non-negotiable contract! 💼😂 #ProfessionalPriorities"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: My therapist says he can’t take any more of my talk and that I should join a group. So, here I am.

  Commentary:
  "Well, looks like this therapist decided to hand you over like a hot potato 🥔🌶️ But hey, don't worry, group therapy can be like a stand-up comedy show with a touch of emotional support 🤝🎤🤣 So get ready to share the spotlight and spread some laughs… or tears 😅😭 #GroupTherapyJourney"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Sheep to the left of me. Cows to the right. Here I am. Stuck on a bus with a view.

  Commentary:
  Looks like this bus ride has turned into a farm adventure! 🐑🐄 Don't worry, you'll be a bonafide farmhand by the time you reach your destination. Embrace the rural charm and enjoy the company of your woolly and mooing companions! 🚌🌾

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Before you have kids, ask yourself: how patient am I with really stupid people?

  Commentary:
  "Before diving into parenthood, remember: kids are experts at pushing your patience to new heights! 🤪👶 #ParentingAdventures #StayingZen"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I am not “quiet quitting”, I am suffering from third-degree burnout.

  Commentary:
  "Oh, so you're not a 'quiet quitter,' you're just on fire 🔥🔥🔥! Sounds like your burnout level is reaching new heights…literally! 🚒💨 Take some time to cool off and recharge, perhaps literally if you can find a nice ice bath! ❄️😅"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I am on my second week of biweekly pay so today I will be showing you how to make a quesadilla out of paper towels.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the joys of biweekly pay – turning paper towels into quesadillas is the ultimate budget-friendly lunch hack! 🌯💸 Who needs real ingredients when you've got creativity and perseverance, am I right? 😄 #PaperTowelCookingMaster"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Where do I see myself in 5 years? I don’t even know where I am right now.

  Commentary:
  "Trying to navigate through life like… 🤷‍♂️🌍 Seriously, who can predict the future when Google Maps can't even locate my current position! 😂 #lostinspacetime"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: When I am calculating any risk, I think to myself: is this first cat life behavior? Or ninth cat life behavior?

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the eternal conundrum of cat behavior! 🐱 Is it a daring leap of faith like a first cat life, or a reckless daredevil act like a ninth cat life? The line between curiosity and catastrophe is as thin as a hairball on a tightrope! 😅"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: My daughter asked me what it’s like to be a parent, so I woke her up at 3 AM to let her know that I couldn’t sleep.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the ol' switcheroo! 😂 Parenting: where sleep becomes a distant memory and revenge is served cold at 3 AM. 🌙😴 #ParentingProblems #SleepDeprivedDad

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Drivers seem to underestimate how willing I am to get knocked down at a zebra crossing to prove a point.

  Commentary:
  "Watch out, world! This pedestrian means business 💪🚶‍♂️ Don't underestimate their commitment to zebra stripes and justice! 🦓 #CrosswalkWarrior"

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