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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Do people still actually eat 3 meals a day, or do we all just survive off of stress and iced coffee?

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

The streets are not for me. I belong in an enchanted forest, eating berries, and talking to my animal friends.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Everybody in the grocery store is my enemy, and I will not be elaborating.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Apparently “ew no” is not an acceptable way to tell my boss I don’t want more responsibility at work.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

The second half of your life begins when you stop wanting to get even and start wanting to get odd.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

I have no beef with vegetarians.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

My ex is somewhere telling his new girlfriend how bad I was, and she’s smiling, thinking she made it in life. Two idiots.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

I forgot to turn my clocks back and, oh my God, you guys are not going to believe the stuff that happens in the next hour.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

I talk to my dog like she’s human and, like most humans, she looks at me like I’m an idiot.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

I don’t understand how some people find love several times in their lives. I first have to find someone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,309

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on TikTok:

If your problem can’t be fixed by coffee, tequila or sex then I’m out of advice.

Just shared via Messenger:

Reading Shakespeare for the first time is crazy because you go, “Oh, that’s where that comes from,” every other page.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Having a good heart has done nothing but made me look stupid.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Optimist: The glass is ½ full. Pessimist: The glass is ½ empty. Excel: The glass is January 2nd.

Just shared via TikTok:

First date idea: you bring me coffee in bed, and we snuggle all morning.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Imagine a refund on all the money you spent on alcohol.

Just shared via Threads:

Forgot how fun it is to post IG stories. I feel like a female filmmaker.

Breaking via Telegram:

Only DM me if you like disappointment.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

We argue about where to go for dinner for so long, it eventually becomes an argument on where to go for breakfast.

Spotted on Discord:

I’ll see you in your nightmares.

15 Funny assume quotes

Funny assume quotes are here to tickle your brain and remind you why assuming can lead to hilarious mix-ups! 🤪 Whether it’s about jumping to conclusions or making wild guesses, these witty lines turn everyday assumptions into laugh-out-loud moments. 😂 Ready to see assumptions in a whole new light? Let’s dive into the quirky world where what you assume isn’t always what you get! 🤭✨

New funny assume quotes 👇

Unfortunately, when you don’t burden people with your problems, they assume you don’t have any. Lol.

0

3 days ago

assume, assumption, burden, communication, emotional, emotional expression, expression, humor, interaction, lol, loneliness, people, problem, problems, social, social interaction, unfortunately
I automatically assume everyone finds me unattractive until they tell me otherwise, and then I assume that they are lying to make fun of me.

0

2 months ago

assume, everyone, finds, fun, humor, i, insecurity, interaction, issues, lying, me, otherwise, sarcasm, self-doubt, skepticism, social, social interaction, tell, trust, trust issues, unattractive, unattractiveness
If I don’t reply, assume I opened your message, nodded, and then got distracted.

0

2 months ago

assume, communication, distracted, distraction, got, humor, i, message, reply, response, texting
It’s truly insane when bosses assume their employees are working for any reason other than a paycheck.

0

2 months ago

assume, assumption, boss, employee, employees, humor, insane, job, motivation, office, paycheck, reason, truly, work, working
Not gonna lie, I just assume everyone is AI now.

0

2 months ago

AI, assume, assumption, everyone, humor, i, just, lie, life, modern, modern life, technology
When people block me, I just assume it’s for my rugged good looks and killer jawline.

0

2 months ago

assume, block, confidence, good, humor, i, jawline, just, killer, looks, me, media, people, personality, rugged, rugged look, social, social media
I assume people who bookmark my posts are building a case against me.

0

2 months ago

assume, bookmark, building, case, humor, humorist, i, me, media, people, posts, social, social media, suspicion
I assume my soulmate has sold his soul to the devil.

0

2 months ago

assume, devil, humor, i, irony, sold, soul, soulmate, supernatural
People who shower at night are bold enough to assume tomorrow’s even happening.

0

2 months ago

assume, assumption, bold, confidence, enough, even, happening, humor, night, people, routine, shower, tomorrow
I assume fish have beautiful names for eachother, unpronounceable by human tongues.

0

2 months ago

assume, beautiful, beauty, fish, human, humor, i, names, tongues, unpronounceable

For even more funny assume quotes, hit next 👇

All funny assume quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on Twitch this month:

As I’m cleaning my room, this is a friendly reminder that you actually don’t need that free t-shirt or tote bag from that event.

35 shares on Twitch this month:

Cigarette smell gotta be one of the worst smells in the history of smells.

45 shares on Instagram this month:

I love when women move on. It’s my favourite genre.

35 shares on Discord this month:

Traumatized people will navigate emergency situations with calm surety but then have an anxiety attack in a grocery store.

33 shares on Slack this month:

I’m not lazy, I’m on power saving mode.

100 shares on Reddit this month:

Do you also watch porn until the end to see if they end up getting married?

91 shares on Snapchat this month:

Some call it flirting… I call it just being extra nice to someone who is extra attractive…

92 shares on Instagram this month:

All of humanities problems could be solved with a large meteor.

57 shares on LinkedIn this month:

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

85 shares on Threads this month:

“You’ve changed.” Yeah, I watched a new movie.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve heard that some people have kids who sleep through the night and I’d like to know if they use tranquilizers or chloroform.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I have money, then I don’t have money, it all happens so fast!

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Parenting is yelling ‘you just had a snack!’ over and over until you give in and throw them another snack.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

You have to be careful about sending your spouse things on social media. You send too many things, next thing you know chores are being redistributed because of “all the free time you clearly have”.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Everything is dishwasher safe if you don’t care enough about it.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I feel a deep connection to librarians because I also love telling people to shut up.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Girl, are you an Uber driver? Because you are driving me to drink.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I thought I needed a drink. Turns out what I really needed was a divorce.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember it’s Christmas. You need to check your elf before you wreck your shelf.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,628

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Getting a second opinion about my Tamagotchi’s health.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

Uber drivers have secret access to a streaming service of exclusively the worst music you’ve ever heard.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Vegetables are actually pretty good when they’re fried.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

When my husband says, “Let me ask my wife,” he’s just using me as an excuse to get out of whatever you’re asking him to do.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

Turns out “YouTube rabbit hole” is not a reliable science degree.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

I did 30 minutes of chores, time for a 7-hour break.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

People who often talk to themselves are more intelligent than others. At least that’s what I tell myself.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

From now on, I’m gonna tell guests that I made my house especially messy just for their visit. It was hard, but I got it done.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

Being informed is the worst thing I’ve ever done for my mental health.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

When you’re a child, you want to be a teenager. When you’re a teenager, you want to be an adult. When you’re an adult, you want to be a cat.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Ugh, he wants to go hiking as a first date, just like Hitler.

Just shared via Discord:

I see posts like, “If food is too expensive, just grow your own.” Okay, Einstein, why didn’t I think of that?

Seen just now on Messenger:

It is a mistake to say that the people who live a hundred years from now will have nothing to laugh at. They can laugh at us.

Going bananas on X:

I can easily spot a wolf in sheep’s clothing but this guy was dressed like my grandmother which threw me off.

Making waves on Instagram:

Happiness is an inside job.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Do I need to have seen the Tokyo Olympics in order to understand the Paris ones?

Broadcasted on Reddit:

A spoonful of peanut butter from the jar will fix me.

Live now on X:

I was gonna kiss you under the blood moon eclipse, but whatever, bro.

Just landed via Instagram:

My favorite military tradition is asking someone what an acronym means right after they use it, and they don’t know what it means.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Gatekeeping how insanely handsome I am by looking like total shit all the time.

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