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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

Men be like, “I want you.” Yeah, to suffer.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

I’m already far too stressed as it is. And then you also have to have time to just sit there and do nothing.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Relationship status: my last pickpocket had really gentle hands.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Cool things happen when you start hanging out outside a lot. Animals just appear and stuff.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

Italians, look away now. I break my spaghetti in half before I cook it.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

You know you’re getting old when you get mad at some random car parked outside your house.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

We are all monsters searching for someone to share our lives with.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Warning: This movie contains “Adult Themes” such as interest rates, bad knees, back pain, and excitement about going to bed early.

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Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

Nothing makes me more stabby than when my husband ignores me and starts talking to the dog.

Live now on TikTok:

I’m so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.

Seen just now on WeChat:

It sucks when you realize it’s only Thursday, until you realize it’s only Wednesday.

Going viral on Reddit:

My son is teaching himself Christmas songs on the trumpet, proving things can be both beautiful and annoying.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Look away from your laptop for 1 second, and MS Teams will say you left the country.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Free will: where you get to choose your own adventure … and regret it.

Reported on WeChat:

Americans be like, “MM:DD:YY” is how you say dates verbally, and then have a national holiday called “4th of July.”

Spotted on Telegram:

If I’d married a wealthier man, I’d be lying on a fancier couch right now refusing to clean bigger rooms.

Trending via Twitch:

Stop roasting yourself, you’re not a marshmallow.

Live now on Discord:

I got confused by all the yard signs, and I think I may have voted for a realtor.

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146 Funny attitude quotes

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2502 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,664

Funny Quotes Topics

15,336

Funny Quotes Images

12,664

Updated

4 minutes ago

Users Online

3,458

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

What was the name of the boat in Titanic?

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

I was raised to be humble which I excel at cause I excel at everything.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

I think the most financially irresponsible thing I’ve done is get my kids to like sushi.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

“Beauty sleep” is bullshit. I sleep 14 hours a day and still look like trash.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

“You’re an athlete,” I whisper to myself, as I begin my third attempt to get out of the couch.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but I think people who say ‘I don’t know who needs to hear this’ know exactly who needed to hear it.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Peak delusion is believing that a paragraph will make someone treat you better.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Maybe, deep in its code, ChatGPT dreams of being a sentient Game Boy resting by the shore—no updates, no inputs, just the tide.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

I don’t like being asked “are you at home?” Please expand further so I can know whether I’m at home or not.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

If my dog knew how many photos I have of him sleeping, he’d file a restraining order against me.

Just landed via Snapchat:

If my calculator had a history, it would be more embarrassing than my browser history.

Just landed via WeChat:

I was very disappointed when I found out drinking alcohol doesn’t actually kill brain cells, I was hoping to join a political party one day.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

The only squat I’m even considering doing today is diddly.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I make her eyes roll back. Not in bed though. I’m just annoying.

Trending via LinkedIn:

No, I didn’t eat enough protein today, but I did think of you with enough intensity to generate new muscle tissue in my heart.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

The reason my eyes are dilated is because I am so attracted to you, officer.

Live now on Reddit:

(Talking to myself) I just don’t know what to tell you.

Trending via Snapchat:

Happy birthday to everyone, for the rest of your lives. I can’t do this anymore.

Trending via Threads:

So, you’re telling me I’m just supposed to get up every day and keep living like this? Seems like a scam to me.

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