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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

I’m not a 10. I’m more like two 5s held together by cheese and chocolate.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

If I’m giving you attention, feel blessed. My real passion is ignoring people.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

I’ve named my couch American Idle.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

The worst person you know is in therapy right now, being told they need to put themselves first.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

My favorite voicemails are those where the person doesn’t leave one.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

“Are you ok?” Of course not. Next question!

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Nothing messes up your Friday like realizing it’s only Thursday.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel by now.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Sorry for widening my eyes and whispering “The prophecy” when we first met.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Everyone hates math until their paycheck looks funny, then all of a sudden you know trigonometry.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,525

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Pinterest:

The amount of water you actually need to drink to be hydrated is so obscene. Who does this body think it is? A data center?

Going viral on Slack:

Eatіng іn bed іs much better. Everythіng’s a napkіn.

Just shared via Telegram:

I hate when I forget to say something during an argument. Like, hey, let’s argue again, I got better material now.

Just landed via Threads:

Really looking forward to the day my teenager starts speaking English again.

Going viral on WeChat:

The human body is incredible. It’s like, “Oh, you’re stressed and sad? Here, enjoy this acne.”

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Sometimes I have to remind myself to put down my iPhone, go outside, and judge people in person.

Just shared via Reddit:

What if all the ancient Greek sculptures are actually victims of Medusa?

Just landed via Slack:

It’s only 9am and I’ve already ruined my son’s entire life by giving him the banana with the brown spot on it.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

The difference between coffee and your opinion is that I asked for coffee.

Breaking via Threads:

The sole purpose of your child’s middle name… is so they know when they’re really in trouble.

68 Funny boss quotes

More funny boss quotes 👇

To anybody who thinks being self-employed means you don’t have to work for a boss you hate, I have terrible news.

1 month ago

being, boss, expectations, hate, humor, i, means, news, reality, self-employed, terrible, work
A tip for your next salary negotiation: simply tell your boss “either I get a pay rise or I go out and tell everyone I got one!”

1 month ago

advice, boss, communication, everyone, humor, i, negotiation, next, pay, pay rise, rise, salary, tell, tip, workplace
My boss doesn’t want dogs in the office. But he didn’t say anything about alpacas.

1 month ago

alpacas, animals, boss, dogs, humor, office, pet, pet policy, policy, say, want, workplace, workplace humor
I think my boss is delusional; he keeps shaking his head and calls me Jesus Christ.

1 month ago

boss, calls, christ, delusional, head, humor, i, Jesus, Jesus Christ, keeps, me, misunderstanding, nickname, shaking, shaking head, think, workplace
The Pope is the only employee who never gets to see his boss. Not even at the Christmas party.

1 month ago

boss, Christmas, employee, even, humor, never, party, Pope, religion, workplace
My boss just left which means I have finished all of my work for the day.

1 month ago

boss, day, finished, humor, i, job, just, left, means, office, productivity, work
My mom always used to tell me that I look cute when I sleep. My boss has a different opinion.

1 month ago

always, boss, contrast, cute, different, family, humor, i, me, mom, opinion, sleep, tell, used, work
Texting my boss to let him know how excited I am for work tomorrow.

1 month ago

am, boss, communication, excited, humor, i, know, let, texting, tomorrow, work, workplace
My boss told me “It’s not rocket science.” Yeah, almost everything that exists is not rocket science.

1 month ago

boss, everything, existence, humor, me, rocket, rocket science, sarcasm, science, work
My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.

1 month ago

boss, every, humor, joke, me, paycheck, presentation, salary, start, work, work humor, workplace

For even more funny boss quotes, hit next 👇

All funny boss quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

11 shares on Facebook this month:

The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

90 shares on WeChat this month:

The nicest thing I’ve done for a date is turn up.

48 shares on Twitch this month:

Not texting back is only ok when I do it.

68 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m ready for the exciting last 30 seconds of the basketball game, which stretch into 25 minutes of fouls, time-outs, and commercials.

20 shares on YouTube this month:

69. Some might call it nasty. I call it a romantic dinner for 2.

97 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you need me, I will be at the library sniffing old books.

88 shares on Twitch this month:

If a baby comes out feet first, technically it wears its mom as a hat.

36 shares on Slack this month:

How many cups of coffee is OK to have every day? Is it eight? I’m pretty sure it’s eight.

27 shares on Facebook this month:

My favorite sex position is any of them. I’m just glad to be involved.

30 shares on TikTok this month:

They should invent health insurance that insures your health.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Traveling back in time to proudly inform Benjamin Franklin that my stove has wifi.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Oh I’m sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

If you’re feeling a little uneasy about the state of global geopolitics, remember to spend as much time on your phone as possible. The more information you ingest as you scroll, the calmer you will become.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

I am not someone you have to entertain if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Putting mental health before my education is a good idea until it affects my education, which affects my mental health, which affects my education.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

“You’re a flirt!” God forbid a girl has good communication skills.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

The magician told me to “Pick a card! Any card!” So I took his Visa.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Just spoke to my wife while the internet was down. She seems nice. She’s a nurse apparently.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

If my trainee says “oh God” one more time, he’s going to meet him.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

I don’t understand why “family-run” should be a sign of quality. North Korea, for example, is also family-run and doesn’t convince me at all.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

If you have an old house, but you haven’t got a ghost, you should complain to the estate agent.

Making waves on Telegram:

They need to invent a dishwasher with a window on it. I have to know what goes on in there.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I love mirrors because they remind me of how pretty I am.

Freshly posted on X:

If you see me looking zoned out, it’s because I’m having a therapy session with myself in my head.

Going viral on Pinterest:

If I was a star and you were a star, I would wink at you and blink at you and twinkle at you and the earthlings would call it science.

Just shared via Telegram:

Having little kids is great because I love spending hundreds of dollars each week to feed my floor and my trash can.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Someone is probably in the worst argument of their life right now. LOL!

Spotted on Facebook:

Sharpening a pencil at the bin was the childhood equivalent of taking a cigarette break.

Just landed via Threads:

wearing no bra and oversized clothes is self-care at its finest

Activity Log ✨

68 Funny boss quotes

More funny boss quotes 👇

All funny boss quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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