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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Lately life has been all panic no disco.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Shark tooth necklaces are the perfect accessory if you want to look tough but also tell the world, “I’ve been to a gift shop.”

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Got so emotional thinking about the Toy Story aliens. They have each other.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

Those security guards at the Samsung store are Guardians of the Galaxy.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

I would never be comfortable delivering a baby. I can’t even remove an avocado pit without dropping it.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

“This too shall pass!” Okay, but like, when exactly?

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

In high school I was voted “most likely to hold a grudge” and I’m still mad about it.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Time to put the stressful screen away (phone) and switch to the comfort screen (Kindle).

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

My door camera alerts are all just me stepping outside to see how warm it is.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,348

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

What do you even say when someone knocks on your bathroom stall … like, what’s the protocol?

Making waves on Discord:

If at first you don’t succeed, that’s so embarrassing. Why are you so bad at this?

Freshly posted on Twitch:

When I was a kid, I never expected the future to suck this much.

Just landed via Facebook:

Zara makes clothing for occasions that don’t exist.

Spotted on Messenger:

Hey, sorry I acted weird the other day. I was trying so hard to act normal that it backfired.

Just landed via Discord:

Billionaires didn’t get rich by working harder. They got rich by making sure you work harder, get paid less, and spend more.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I don’t remember what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a broke, stressed-out, over-thinker with no clothes that fit.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I’m planning to save money on Christmas gifts this year by wrapping up all the toys my toddler dropped behind the couch.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Not single, not dating, but a secret third thing (quantum entanglement).

Making waves on Telegram:

Almost fell asleep while putting on the sweater because it got dark for a moment. That’s all you need to know about my morning state.

615 Funny day quotes

More funny day quotes 👇

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not exhausted, you’re just awake. Have a nice day.

1 week ago

adulthood, awake, daily, daily struggle, day, exhausted, exhaustion, humor, just, life, nice, nice day, reality, struggle, welcome
Turning regret into ulcers since the day I was born.

1 week ago

anxiety, birth, born, day, health, humor, i, life, regret, turning, ulcers
I think during winter we should also get to work less hours in a day, just like the sun.

1 week ago

day, hours, humor, i, just, less, productivity, season, should, sun, think, winter, work
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, Guantanamo Bay.

1 week ago

Christmas, day, gift, Guantanamo, heart, humor, i, irony, last, next, song
Every girl’s personal hell is being too excited about their birthday and it ends up being the worst day ever.

1 week ago

being, birthday, day, disappointment, ever, every, excited, excitement, expectation, girl, girls, hell, personal, personal hell, too, worst, worst day
May your life one day be as beautiful as you portray it on social media.

1 week ago

beautiful, day, expectations, humor, irony, life, media, portray, reality, social, social media
I’m experimenting with how many apples I need to eat a day to keep everyone away, whatever their profession.

1 week ago

apple, apples, away, day, eat, everyone, experiment, humor, i, keep, keep away, need, profession, whatever
I want to be a garbage man, so I only have to work one day a week.

1 week ago

aspiration, career, day, garbage, garbage man, humor, i, job, man, only, want, week, work
The sun really clocks out for the day before I do. That’s insane.

1 week ago

before, clocks, day, i, insane, sun, time, work
I spend half the day wondering if it’s too late for coffee and the other half wondering if it’s too early for alcohol.

1 week ago

afternoon, alcohol, beverage, coffee, day, decision, dilemma, early, half, humor, i, late, morning, procrastination, spend, time, too, wondering

For even more funny day quotes, hit next 👇

All funny day quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on X this month:

Morning me just stripped the bedding. Evening me is going to be pissed.

52 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m getting to the age where it’s rude to pull out a bottle of ibuprofen if I don’t have enough for everyone.

97 shares on TikTok this month:

The problem with salad is, it’s salad.

68 shares on YouTube this month:

“You handled it so well.” Nah, I didn’t. I lost my spark, felt crazy, distanced myself from everyone, and hated myself.

12 shares on X this month:

The only team building exercise we had when I started working was called “Happy Hour.”

96 shares on WhatsApp this month:

There should be a withering shamrock emoji so that people can express misfortune or Irish grief.

13 shares on Slack this month:

Females be cheating in healthy relationships, but are faithful in toxic ones.

50 shares on Snapchat this month:

Duolingo should have an “I’m going on holiday to this place very soon” setting so it teaches you “can I have the bill” and so on instead of “the cow boils an egg”.

65 shares on Instagram this month:

Fun like a LinkedIn notification.

41 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Whoever came up with the spelling for “receipt” was an idiopt.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

I was disappointed to learn today that my request for a sabbatical was rejected. Apparently that’s “not how marriage works.”

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Leaving my apartment for two weeks, but leaving a single cup in the sink as a gesture to continuity upon my return.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

If you’re not in my circle of trust, you’re probably in my triangle of suspicion or rhombus of doubt.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

More often than not, I read applause as applesauce.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Stop wasting your money on beauty products. The secret to looking young is to wear a baseball cap with a propeller on it.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

I’m like a candle: I’m cute, I smell nice, and there’s a pretty good chance I’ll set your curtains on fire if left unattended.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

From now on, I’m gonna tell guests that I made my house especially messy just for their visit. It was hard, but I got it done.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Why hasn’t Lululemon created a bra-line named Lulumelons?

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

The absolute hottest thing you can do in front of a woman is tame a horse, but unfortunately, modern life affords us little opportunities for that.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

No show does a misunderstanding / miscommunication plot better than Modern Family does.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Instagram:

I don’t want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like a cat. 14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Can you imagine how awkward it would be if your pet went on your phone and found the 1,000 pictures you have of them sleeping.

Going viral on Instagram:

Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

Spotted on Snapchat:

My body is a temple. An ancient, creaky temple with questionable plumbing.

Shared recently on Slack:

They say half the battle of getting in shape is mental, so I thought about the gym really hard today.

Trending via Facebook:

A fitness trainer showed me the proper way to inhale and exhale and then got pissed when I told her she had nice breaths.

Spotted on Facebook:

Gonna finish eating all these Christmas cookies so I’m no longer tempted to eat them.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I have a bit of an inferiority complex. But it’s not a very good one.

Going viral on Twitch:

In the morning: Tired! At lunchtime: Tired! In the evening: Tired! In bed: “Everybody dance now!”

Going viral on LinkedIn:

How do I tell Instagram I don’t want to see guys almost eaten by gators?

Activity Log ✨

615 Funny day quotes

More funny day quotes 👇

All funny day quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨