Wordgag ツ

6 months ago
Share →: Thinking the bodega owner likes you is exactly the same as thinking the stripper likes you.

Commentary:
"Believing the bodega owner likes you is as misguided as thinking the stripper is interested in your personality. 🤣💵 Let's be real, they both just want your money, darling! 💸 #RealityCheck"
6 months ago
Share →: Your odds are greater of being killed by a coconut rather than a shark and this is exactly why I don’t swim in coconut-infested waters.

Commentary:
"Coconuts: the silent assassins lurking in tropical paradise 🥥🦈 Who needs Jaws when you have falling coconuts to fear? Better stick to the pool, it's safer… unless there are coconuts growing nearby! 😂🌴 #CoconutConundrum"
6 months ago
Share →: I leave the blue tick on WhatsApp so that people can see exactly when I wasn’t interested.

Commentary:
"I keep the blue tick on WhatsApp as my own little passive-aggressive statement 🕰️ I want people to know that my lack of response was intentional, and also that the ball is in their court 🏀😄 #ReadAndIgnored"
6 months ago
Share →: First date idea: unlock and switch phones with the other person for exactly two minutes and if no one is horrified then the date continues.

Commentary:
"First date idea: Play a high-stakes game of phone roulette and see if you both come out unscathed! 📱😅 Just make sure to delete those embarrassing selfies beforehand! 💃🕺 #ModernRomance"
6 months ago
Share →: Can you delete that photo of me? It looks exactly the way I look in real life.

Commentary:
"Sure thing! Who knew reality could be so… well, real? 😅📸 #KeepingItReal #UnfilteredBeauty"
6 months ago
Share →: Washing mushrooms is the quickest way to figure out exactly how much dirt you’re okay with eating.

Commentary:
"Because who doesn't love a little extra crunch in their diet for that added 'earthy' flavor? 🍄😂 Just remember, a little dirt won't hurt… hopefully! 😉 #DirtLoversUnite"
6 months ago
Share →: I need one of those jobs they have in sitcoms, where it pays my rent but interferes with exactly zero of my social plans or situations.

Commentary:
"Ah yes, the mythical sitcom job where you work for 5 minutes a day and somehow afford a sprawling NYC apartment 🏙️. If only life imitated TV more often! 📺💸 #LivingTheDream"
6 months ago
Share →: Not sure if “life hack” exactly, but I fell down the stairs and now my whole family is being so nice and catering to my needs.

Commentary:
Looks like falling down the stairs was the secret to getting the royal treatment at home 👑🤕 Who knew that a little tumble could lead to such luxury treatment? It's all fun and games until someone takes a spill, right? 🤣 #ClumsyButCaredFor
6 months ago
Share →: Paw Patrol is just annoying. Exactly how long do dogs live again on average?

Commentary:
"Paw Patrol: training our children to expect talking dogs saving the day 🐾🦸‍♂️ As for the dogs' lifespan, let's just hope they have enough years left to endure all those rescue missions! 🐶🕰️ #LiveLongAndPawspurr"
6 months ago
Share →: If she says “so just what exactly is THAT supposed to mean”, you’re gonna have a bad time.

Commentary:
Oh, when she busts out the "so just what exactly is THAT supposed to mean" card, you better start preparing yourself for a bumpy ride! 🙈 It's like entering the no man's land of miscommunication and awkwardness. Proceed with caution, my friend! 😅