Funny quotes expectations Page 2

147 Funny expectations quotes

January 1st: anything is possible. January 2nd: but not today.

Funny Quotes Feb 1, 2025

Looking forward to another year of crushing reality and unfulfilled dreams.

Funny Quotes Feb 1, 2025

Can I do better? Yes. Will I do better? Probably not.

Funny Quotes Feb 1, 2025

For once, I’d like to spiral into control.

Funny Quotes Feb 1, 2025

Men be like “I would do anything for you” and then do nothing.

Funny Quotes Feb 1, 2025

So many people to disappoint, so little time.

Funny Quotes Feb 1, 2025

I will never be the person this serving size suggestion wants me to be.

Funny Quotes Jan 29, 2025

Shampoo companies need to be clearer when they say “repairs damage”. I cancelled my therapy for nothing.

Funny Quotes Jan 28, 2025

We could all be hibernating right now but noooooo we have to be “adults” with “responsibilities”.

Funny Quotes Jan 28, 2025

Stop being so boyfriendable if you can’t be my boyfriend.

Funny Quotes Jan 28, 2025

I am under no obligation to make sense to you.

Funny Quotes Jan 28, 2025

Imagine falling in love with me then finding out I’m a slow walker.

Funny Quotes Jan 28, 2025

This alien invasion could have been an email.

Funny Quotes Jan 28, 2025

The plan was simple: finish school, find a job and get married at 25. But now I don’t understand anything anymore.

Funny Quotes Jan 28, 2025

According to my kids’ Christmas lists, they think this parenting gig pays pretty well.

Funny Quotes Jan 28, 2025

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the holiday traffic I said I’d avoid even though I did nothing to avoid it.

Funny Quotes Jan 28, 2025

You could be having a nice day and then somebody your own age says they bought a house.

Funny Quotes Jan 28, 2025

Children will see a neatly hanging dish towel and be like oh hell no.

Funny Quotes Jan 28, 2025

My mama didn’t raise a quitter, she raised a burnt out perfectionist who is sometimes bludgeoned into settling for mediocrity.

Funny Quotes Jan 28, 2025

You befriend a guy and a few days later he’s like “I wanna talk to you about something”. Please, God, let it be about the economy.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

My favorite things about Twitter are that everything you read is true, everyone is nice, and all intentions are pure of heart.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $1 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst anniversary gifts ever.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

May your life one day be as beautiful as you portray it on social media.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

Hey, I noticed you’re not saying what I want.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025

Everyone is a genius until they try to use someone else’s microwave.

Funny Quotes Jan 27, 2025