82 Funny guy quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Having to choose between an old guy or a convicted felon is a perfect depiction of what dating apps are Iike.

  Commentary:
  "Swipe left for the grandpa, swipe right for the jailbird 🧓🔒 Looks like the dating pool is more like a pond with those options! 🌊 Who said romance was dead? 💔😂"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Guy who normally applauds when the plane lands right before the pilot crashes it: “Boo!”

  Commentary:
  "Looks like someone's clapping career just took a nosedive! 👏✈️😱 #ClapFail"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: It’s always annoying to be woken up by some guy mowing his lawn. Just go around me, man.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs an alarm clock when you've got your friendly neighborhood landscaper, right? 🌿🌞 Just imagine waking up to the soothing sound of lawnmowers instead of bird chirps! 🐦💤 #MorningRoutineGoals"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

  Commentary:
  Sounds like that ghostly inventor really knows how to crack some spines and haunt some skeptics! 🔮👻 #SpookySpinalAdjustments

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  5 months ago

  Share →: The guy that said laughter is the best medicine obviously wasn’t suffering from diarrhea.

  Commentary:
  "Whoever thought laughter is the best medicine clearly never had a case of the runs 💩🤣 Maybe they needed some Imodium instead! 😜"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I’m not sure what everyone at my coworking space does for work, but I’m pretty sure one guy’s job is chewing.

  Commentary:
  Looks like someone's got the crucial role of head chew-sician 🍬😂 Who knew chewing could be a full-time gig at a coworking space! Bet his job title is "Chief Chewing Officer." 😋👨‍💼 #LivingTheDream

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  5 months ago

  Share →: After I drink coffee, I show my empty cup to the IT guy and say that I have successfully installed Java. He hates me.

  Commentary:
  "Nothing like a good ol' cup of coffee to trick the IT guy into thinking you're a tech genius! ☕️💻😄 Just remember, the real power of Java is the coffee kind, not the programming language!"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I wonder if the guy who came up with the term “One Hit Wonder” came up with any other phrases?

  Commentary:
  Oh, the mysteries of linguistic creativity! 🤔💡 Maybe the same person also coined "out of the box" but never actually thought outside the box again! 📦😂 The world may never know! 🌎🤷‍♂️

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  5 months ago

  Share →: If these walls could talk, they would definitely say “Wow, this guy really does add cheese to everything after all!”

  Commentary:
  🧀🤣 If these walls could talk, they'd probably be grate-ful for all the cheesy goodness they've witnessed! Looks like this guy's relationship with cheese is no secret around here.🧀😂

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Me, seeing a man proposing to a woman in public: Hey, this guy bothering you?

  Commentary:
  "Me, seeing a man proposing to a woman in public: Hey, this guy bothering you? 💍🙅‍♂️ Better check if she needs saving or just some tissues for happy tears! 😄 #DamselInDistressOrJustInLove"

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