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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I can’t today. I have to sit in my room and make matters worse.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

I’m just a girl standing in front of a cat who followed me to the bathroom.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

If you accuse me of yelling, you will start to hear yelling so you can note the difference in the future.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Intro to salsa class was weird, I starved myself all day, there was no chips or dips and then these weirdos were all grabby and dancing around.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

Never understood why people train their dogs to sit pretty or roll over when there are useful tricks like empty the dishwasher or fold the laundry.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

Them: OMG, I haven’t seen you in so long. Me: Yeah, that was on purpose.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

The best way to reach me is with intelligence and humor.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

I am very depressed and in a really bad mood. Perhaps it will get better if I sit inside on a beautiful day and dwell compulsively.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

I didn’t get the part of the brain that lets you relax, just the one that overthinks.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

If you bring an acoustic guitar to a bonfire, I’m going to assume it’s for fuel.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,411

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

Just waiting for my laundry to be done so I can pop it in the dryer and forget about it again.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Biting the heads off all these gingerbread men if you wanna swing by.

Making waves on YouTube:

The masculine urge to hitch your pants up after making a minor decision.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

“Grey’s Anatomy” but it’s told entirely through the lens of the hospital’s HR department.

Just shared via Telegram:

Dating apps aren’t working. I’ll see ya at Home Depot, gentlemen.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Your coworker is not hot; they’re just within 10 feet of you 40 hours a week.

Spotted on Discord:

Technology has really helped me waste my time efficiently.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Plot twist: a Mission Impossible movie where the mission is in fact impossible.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I put my music on shuffle then get mad when it doesn’t play the song I want.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

In retrospect, I guess “one drunken night of stupidity” isn’t the best response when a child asks you where babies come from.

Funny heal quotes

Funny heal quotes bring a splash of laughter to the journey of getting better 💪😂 Whether you’re nursing a boo-boo or just need a smile during recovery, these witty gems remind us that humor is the best medicine 😄💉 So get ready to chuckle, feel inspired, and heal with a grin—because laughter truly speeds up the process! 😜✨

New funny heal quotes 👇

Believing that pharmaceutical companies want to heal you is like believing a casino wants you to win.

0

2 weeks ago

business, business motive, care, casino, company, gambling, heal, healing, health, health care, irony, motive, pharmaceutical, pharmaceutical company, skepticism, trust, want, wants, win, winning
Getting tipsy at a dimly lit restaurant with good conversation would heal me right now.

0

1 month ago

booster, conversation, dimly, dimly-lit, drink, getting, good, heal, healing, lit, me, mood, mood booster, relaxation, restaurant, right, socializing, tipsy
At this point, the only thing that can heal me is memory loss.

0

2 months ago

coping, emotional, emotional pain, heal, healing, health, humor, loss, me, memory, memory loss, mental, mental health, only, pain, point, sarcasm, thing
Deciding if I should heal or just give up and go completely insane.

0

2 months ago

choices, coping, decision, give, give up, heal, health, humor, i, insane, just, mental, mental health, should, struggle
The only thing that could heal me is a memory loss.

0

4 months ago

heal, healing, health, humor, loss, me, memory, memory loss, mental, mental health, only, sarcasm, thing
I think more people would actually heal from their trauma if they got revenge.

0

5 months ago

actually, coping, coping mechanism, got, heal, healing, humor, i, mechanism, people, psychology, revenge, think, trauma
I admire how time manages to quickly heal wounds but takes forever to remove awkward tan lines.

0

5 months ago

admire, awkward, awkward tan line, forever, heal, healing, humor, i, line, lines, patience, skin, summer, tan, tan line, time, wound, wounds
Give yourself time to heal. A couple of decades should do it.

0

5 months ago

couple, decades, give, heal, healing, humor, long wait, patience, recovery, self-care, should, time, wait, yourself

All funny heal quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on Telegram this month:

The retirement age needs to be lowered to 40, I’ve had enough.

86 shares on Instagram this month:

I did not “try to rob a bank,” I just “aspired” to obtain more money.

14 shares on Instagram this month:

AI could never replace me, you can’t put this much self-loathing into a machine.

16 shares on TikTok this month:

Is it possible to die of horniness? Asking for a friend.

16 shares on Snapchat this month:

Born to say “are you f*****g stupid”, forced to say “wow, I’ve never thought about it like that before”.

35 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t know if I’m still tired or already tired.

66 shares on Instagram this month:

The greatest research skill you can have is being a nosy bitch who wants to find out.

48 shares on Messenger this month:

My dog just looked me in the eye and said “no one is gonna believe you”, then took a nap.

21 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Notice how you don’t catch me in public, it’s because i’m not real.

97 shares on X this month:

If you think my posts are ridiculous, you should see some of my life choices.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t have gray hair, I have wisdom highlights.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Marriage is so scary. What do you mean I can’t have my own room?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s so cold outside I saw a gangster pull his pants up and walk stiffly.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

People who quit their jobs before having a backup job lined up ain’t scared of nothing.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

All people make me happy. Some when they come, others when they leave.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Beer is like weed for people with jobs.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

“Jump to Recipe” is the closest we’ll ever get to teleportation.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The meeting of the Anonymous Pessimists was canceled. It wouldn’t have helped anyway.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Diet Coke so crisp I moaned.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re old if you’re excited to learn how to play Mahjong.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,547

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Dear men, my ‘biological clock’ isn’t my weakness. It’s your final deadline to prove you’re worthy.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

I see people my age out there climbing mountains and skydiving, and here I am feeling good about myself because I got my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

Welcome to Twitter, where everyone is an expert on everything.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

The world started without permission again.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Winter hack: Avoid the cold by never leaving your house.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

Sometimes a little rudeness to establish that you don’t fancy nonsense is really important.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Getting the ick because he put the windshield wipers on at a higher rate than was needed.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

Had salad for the third night in a row and now I get why you’re so angry, vegans.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

I was at a funeral yesterday and spiced things up by walking over to complete strangers and saying “Ignore what everyone else thinks. I, personally, have no issue with you being here”.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Podcasts are like babies, they’re too easy to create and not everyone should have one.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

Call me Frankenstein the way I’m piecing it together.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Please stop calling 911 when you see me dancing. I’m fine!

Freshly posted on TikTok:

My dog sure does give a lot of side eye for someone without a job.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I wish I was a cat, because the fatter you are, the more people like you.

Shared recently on Slack:

If we’re not supposed to be snacking late at night why is there a light in the fridge?

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

The main function of the little toe on your foot is to make sure that all the objects and furniture in the house are in the correct place.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they are dead.

Just shared via Threads:

All the world’s a stage, and I always forget my line.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

My 3 weeks without sweets were over after 12 hours. Proof that time runs faster with increasing age.

Just landed via Twitch:

The older you get, the farther away your toenails are when they need a trim.

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