406 funny health quotes - Page 2 - Wordgag

Incredibly annoying that exercising, eating right, and drinking water can make you actually feel good.

May 24, 2026

Having a nicotine addiction is basically just adding a new base layer to Maslow’s hierarchy for no reason.

May 24, 2026

They give smokers all those breaks to make up for the time taken off their lifespan.

May 24, 2026

Anxiety should have a loyalty rewards program.

May 24, 2026

Traumatized people will navigate emergency situations with calm surety but then have an anxiety attack in a grocery store.

May 24, 2026

Turning regret into ulcers since the day I was born.

May 24, 2026

Is it healthier to drink tap water and let the fluoride calcify my pineal gland or drink bottled spring water and let micro plastics settle in my balls?

May 24, 2026

Whispering to paramedic before I pass out: save me, but not enough that I have to go to work tomorrow.

May 24, 2026

First they give you butterflies, then mental health problems.

May 24, 2026

I’ve had so much tea trying to get rid of this cold that I’m now speaking with a British accent and am fascinated with the Royal family.

May 23, 2026

Hate when anxiety gives me stomach problems. Like, baby, you are supposed to be a mental disorder, please stay in your line.

May 23, 2026

I’m still annoyed that you can catch Covid more than once. I can’t explain why, but it feels kind of rude.

May 23, 2026

The T in depression stands for the therapy places that are immediately available.

May 23, 2026

Welcome to your late 40s! From now on you will no longer be in “good health” but in “good health for your age”.

May 23, 2026

Maybe one day a street will be named after me. Or a school. Or a mental hospital.

May 23, 2026

I need someone to wring out my brain like a dishrag.

May 23, 2026

I hate having a ton of anxiety and no energy. It’s like having a tank full of gas and no engine.

May 23, 2026

I wasn’t feeling well so I googled my symptoms. I either have allergies or I died two days ago.

May 23, 2026

My fitness goal is to lose two straight jacket sizes.

May 23, 2026

Meds have done more for me than any man ever could.

May 23, 2026

When I put on weight, it’s around my stomach. When I lose weight, it’s around my legs. I’m not a structural engineer, but that can’t be good.

May 23, 2026

Googling symptoms until you cry.

May 23, 2026

Psych meds aren’t enough anymore. Hit me with a shovel.

May 23, 2026

I need a chiropractor for my brain.

May 23, 2026

Welcome to your 40s! You’re gonna need several doctors, no matter how many apples.

May 23, 2026

“Stand up for yourself!” Girl, I have low iron.

May 23, 2026

Is it a good sign when your therapist keeps saying Ka-Ching?

May 23, 2026

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

May 23, 2026

Has anybody else completely lost it or is it just me and Kanye?

May 23, 2026

My sleep apnea was diagnosed at a staff meeting.

May 23, 2026

Apparently it’s inappropriate to yell out “Shots, shots, shots, shots” while your child’s getting immunizations at the pediatrician’s office.

May 23, 2026

I don’t think the makers of protein powder have ever had chocolate.

May 23, 2026

If being hydrated is such a great thing, why does it feel like my bladder is pissed off?

May 23, 2026

Sometimes being a woman is just trying to figure out if you’re hormonally sad, seasonally sad, or genuinely falling apart.

May 23, 2026

Dear nurses, you don’t have to announce my weight, just write it down. That’s why I have my eyes closed when I’m on the scale.

May 23, 2026

Tried a smile yesterday and my white blood cells attacked it.

May 23, 2026

Donating blood today to make room for more food.

May 23, 2026

Remembering my youth, and a time where I could breath out of more than one nostril at once.

May 22, 2026

I’ve just told my doctor I have all the Monkey Pox symptoms. He asked me to swing by tomorrow.

May 22, 2026

According to a recent study, women who are a little overweight live longer than men who mention it.

May 22, 2026