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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

You guys can continue with the week, I’ve stopped here.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

Going to the beach as a feet guy must be insane.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Whoever named the grapefruit when there was already a fruit named grape. Incompetent legend. I wish we could hang out.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

When you clean your room so well that the only trash left is you.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Blocking isn’t enough. I wanna throw tomatoes at you like you’re a medieval criminal.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

I heard you like bad boys. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

Laugh all you want. My Encyclopedia Britannica set will never require WiFi.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

Germany is now advising people to stock up on cheese and sausages. This is called the Wurst Käse scenario.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

I forgot how to panic. Help!

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Gardeners are the only people who willingly go outside to get dirty, sweaty, bitten, and sunburned… and call it “relaxing”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,990

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I never used to worry about death but now I’m terrified it will break my winning Wordle streak.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

I like it when someone feeds me their food without me asking. I feel like a part of my inner child heals.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Tuah Kill a Hawkingbird

Spotted on Twitch:

Interviewer: Why do you want to work in customer service? Me: Well, I’m really good at apologizing for things that aren’t my fault.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Waffles are just pancakes with convenient boxes to hold your syrup.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I think the most financially irresponsible thing I’ve done is get my kids to like sushi.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Adulting in 3 words: it’s always something.

Just landed via Twitch:

Shade coming from a tree bearing no fruit could never phase me. Carry on.

Spotted on Telegram:

Having to pee when you’re driving is problematic. Having to sneeze when you’re driving is even more problematic.

Spotted on Slack:

“My family doesn’t have a black sheep,” I say, while everyone avoids eye contact.

Home » Funny Holiday Quotes » Page 22

218 Funny holiday quotes

More funny holiday quotes 👇

Eating Halloween candy and putting up my Christmas tree because nothing matters anymore.

0

4 months ago

apathy, candy, Christmas, Christmas tree, coping, coping mechanism, decoration, eating, Halloween, Halloween candy, holiday, holiday season, humor, matters, mechanism, nothing, procrastination, putting, season, tree
This year has gone by so quick. Christmas is basically tomorrow.

0

4 months ago

celebration, Christmas, date, gone, holiday, quick, surprise, time, tomorrow, year
August is almost over. September is next week. Time to pick out a Halloween costume and start your Christmas shopping. Happy New Year, everybody.

0

4 months ago

almost, August, Christmas, Christmas shopping, costume, Halloween, Halloween costume, happy, holiday, holiday planning, humor, management, new, new year, next, over, pick, planning, seasonal, seasonal humor, September, shopping, start, time, time management, week, year
Hello, hi. Don’t invite me anywhere until next year. The money is finished. Regards.

0

4 months ago

anywhere, financial, financial struggle, finished, greeting, hello, hi, holiday, holiday planning, humor, invitation, invite, me, money, next, planning, procrastination, struggle, year
Beginning of August is always wild because it’s peak summertime, but the veil is so thin, like it’s Halloween.

0

5 months ago

always, August, beginning, Halloween, holiday, peak, season, spooky, summer, summertime, thin, veil, wild
We need a holiday at the end of every summer that honours all the women who wore sundresses.

0

5 months ago

celebration, end, every, fashion, holiday, humor, need, summer, sundress, woman, women
Let’s call it a year. I’ve had enough. Merry Christmas, y’all.

0

5 months ago

call, Christmas, enough, exhaustion, farewell, holiday, humor, merry, year
It’s not jingling to you that I’m standing on Christmas.

0

5 months ago

Christmas, holiday, holiday humor, humor, jingle, pun, standing, wordplay

For even more funny holiday quotes, hit next 👇

All funny holiday quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on Slack this month:

Friendly reminder to drink your water and mind your business this week.

32 shares on Facebook this month:

My favorite part of my workday is when I grab my shit and leave.

30 shares on X this month:

They’re selling me on Temu tomorrow.

57 shares on Pinterest this month:

This meeting could have been a cave painting.

83 shares on LinkedIn this month:

They should list at least one alien “as himself” in the Star Wars credits.

25 shares on LinkedIn this month:

This chapter of my life is called ‘at least the rent is paid’

59 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m feeling very anxious. I think this 7th mug of coffee will take the edge off.

20 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Guys, please stop wearing NASA shirts, I bet you can’t even name one of their songs.

25 shares on Instagram this month:

“You’re like if 9 a.m. on a Monday was a person.”

76 shares on WeChat this month:

There should be an opposite of Valentine’s Day where you post Instagram photos of your enemy.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Me, on New Year’s Eve: I think instead of kissing at midnight, I’m just going to go outside and scream.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

When I learned the word “literally,” that was the beginning of the end.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

I’m sorry I lied to you. I only did it for material gain. And to cause you psychological harm. And to prove I’m smarter than you.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

I have consumed so much potato salad the last couple of days, I’m sweating mayo.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

When waiting for a flight, there’s always one guy at the gate that makes you think, “As long as I’m not sitting next to him, I’ll be fine.”

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

The closest thing I’ve had to a personal trainer is the ice cream truck that drove past my house.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

We should just cancel April Fools Day this year. No prank can top reality right now.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Bob is my nickname. Robert is my nicholasname.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

“Time After Time” is my favorite song about doing the dishes.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

I need to stop saying “Oppa Gagnam Style!” to fill in awkward pauses in conversation.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

In filling out an application, where it says, “In case of emergency notify”, I put “Doctor.”

Shared recently on TikTok:

My thighs are bigger than my chances in life.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Every Jurassic Park movie should end with an insurance adjuster getting a phone call and immediately throwing up.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Some people are so judgmental, I can tell by just looking at them.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk calmly to the lock. We all know that communication is the key.

Breaking via YouTube:

Unfortunately, I am not nonchalant, I will set myself on fire.

Spotted on Messenger:

Oasis didn’t just write good songs. They wrote the soundtrack for a whole generation.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

If I were in charge of Nike, I’d change the slogan to “Just Say You Did It. Nobody Ever Checks.”

Seen just now on Reddit:

I went for an interview at IKEA. The manager greeted me by saying “come in, make a seat”.

Going viral on WeChat:

If I’m reading my Twitter feed correctly, Jennifer Aniston killed JFK.

Activity Log ✨

218 Funny holiday quotes

More funny holiday quotes 👇

All funny holiday quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨