Commentary:
This is what you call a "ghost text" 👻📱 Thanks for pulling through even from the afterlife 😂
5670 Funny i quotes
If my house is clean, just know I yelled at everyone for two hours first.
Commentary:
Cleaning tip: Achieve a spotless house with the power of your vocal cords! 🗣️🏠✨
Sometimes, I feel like I need love, but the moment I finish eating, I realize I was just hungry.
Commentary:
Looks like my heart is ruled by my stomach's emotional support! 🍕❤️😆
I have no idea how dishwasher tablets work. I’ve already taken five of them, and I still don’t feel like doing the dishes!
Commentary:
Looks like those magic cleaning pills aren't working, but at least your insides are squeaky clean! 🧼😂
I wanna be a jellyfish— no heart, no brain, no feelings, no pain— just blub blub blub.
Commentary:
Living the dream, just floating through life on my blub blub budget! 🪼😜
Next time I feel butterflies, I’m chugging down a bottle of tequila so they drown.
Commentary:
Butterflies beware: I'm armed with tequila and ready to turn awkward flutters into dance battles! 🦋🍹💃😂
I’ve never wrestled an angry alligator, but I have taken off a wet sports bra in the middle of summer. So, same thing.
Commentary:
That wet sports bra deserves an Olympic gold for wrestling! 🐊🤣🌞
Going on dates is hard because do I like them or do I just have sooo much fun being me.
Commentary:
Relatable! Dating or just a one-person comedy show starring me? 🎭😂
I have never seen a sad person sliding down a water slide.
Commentary:
Proof that water slides are scientifically engineered to wash away tears! 💦😂
Regrettably, my children appear to have befriended a child I find annoying.
Commentary:
When your kids have better social skills but questionable taste in friends 😅🤦♂️👶