Funny quotes lie

33 Funny lie quotes

I love saying “why would I lie” when I’m lying.

5 days ago

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

4 weeks ago

Never lie to Indian girls. That red dot be recording everything.

1 month ago

At my next job, I’m gonna lie about having a kid so I can leave the office anytime I want like everyone else with children.

1 month ago

I just need to lie down for a couple of years.

2 months ago

I lied, there’s no sex. Stand over there and tell me if this painting I’m hanging is straight.

2 months ago

Most people prefer lies. The truth just hits them like a WiFi outage, and then they just stand there, confused and buffering.

2 months ago

“It can’t get any worse than this”, I lie to myself knowing it will absolutely get worse.

3 months ago

I’m sorry I lied to you. I only did it for material gain. And to cause you psychological harm. And to prove I’m smarter than you.

3 months ago

People who lie all the time really think that we don’t know.

3 months ago

Any time I have ever uttered the phrase “no worries” I have been lying. There are many worries.

3 months ago

Life would be so much easier if the nose of people who lie all the time did actually grow longer like Pinocchio’s.

3 months ago

There is no sex. I lied. You are gonna lay here and take personality quizzes with me.

3 months ago

You are born, you lie about how you are and then you die.

3 months ago

I just got lied to by 3K+ people. That recipe was awful.

3 months ago

90% of parenting is wondering when you can lie down again.

3 months ago

And then there are people who can only sleep on their back because their pea brain could slip out of their ear if they lie on their side.

3 months ago

Lie during your job interview because they’re lying to you about their great work environment.

3 months ago

My attempts to purge my possessions always seem to result in me rediscovering that I have lots of nice things, after which I lie happily on my hoard like a dragon.

3 months ago

Lie about the gap in your resume. Tell them you had to help some Hobbits take a ring to Mordor or something.

3 months ago