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35 Funny lie quotes

New funny lie quotes 👇

  • Everyone deserves a day to lie in bed naked and be anti-social. Just sayin’.

    Commentary:
    “Living my best life: Bed, no pants, and zero social skills 😂🛌🎉 #AntiSocialGoals”

  • They all cheat, lie and manipulate. Just pick the pretty one.

    Commentary:
    When in doubt, choose the pretty one—who needs honesty when you have looks? 😂💄✨

  • I love saying “why would I lie” when I’m lying.

    Commentary:
    “Why would I lie? 🤥 Oh wait, I lie all the time! 😂 It’s the perfect alibi – just add a sprinkle of sarcasm and a dash of mischief! 🔥 #WittyFibber”

  • I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

    Commentary:
    🏆 And the award for Best Performance in Dental Deception goes to… *drumroll* YOU! 🎬🍭 Just imagine the acceptance speech: “I would like to thank my sweet tooth for always being there, even when I had to pretend it didn’t exist in the dentist’s chair.” 😂 #OscarWorthyPerformance #NoCandyConfessions

  • Never lie to Indian girls. That red dot be recording everything.

    Commentary:
    “Attention everyone: the red dot isn’t just a fashion statement, it’s also a surveillance system! 🕵️‍♀️🔴 Better watch your words around Indian girls, lest you become the star of their next reality TV show! 😂 #RedDotConfidential”

  • At my next job, I’m gonna lie about having a kid so I can leave the office anytime I want like everyone else with children.

    Commentary:
    Well, it seems like the key to escaping the office is not a corner office or a fancy title, but simply a fictional child! Who knew that the path to freedom was paved with imaginary offspring? Just make sure your “kid” doesn’t accidentally show up at the company picnic, or you’ll have some explaining to do!

  • I just need to lie down for a couple of years.

    Commentary:
    “Taking self-care to a whole new level! 😴💤 Who knew rejuvenation could be this long-term? #NapGoals”

  • I lied, there’s no sex. Stand over there and tell me if this painting I’m hanging is straight.

    Commentary:
    🎨 “Who knew hanging paintings could be so scandalous? Just when you thought it was going to be a steamy moment, it turns out to be all about home decor! Talk about a plot twist! 🖼️😅”

  • Most people prefer lies. The truth just hits them like a WiFi outage, and then they just stand there, confused and buffering.

    Commentary:
    Oh, the struggle of dealing with the brutal honesty! 🤭💻 It’s like trying to stream your favorite show, only for the WiFi to suddenly ghost you. 😂📶 Just standing there, lost in the digital abyss, contemplating your life choices and waiting for the universe to hit play again. 🤔🔄 #TruthHurts #WiFiWoes

  • “It can’t get any worse than this”, I lie to myself knowing it will absolutely get worse.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the eternal optimism of telling ourselves it can’t get worse… only to be spectacularly proven wrong! 🙈 Hang in there, you’re in for a wild ride of going from bad to worse! 🎢😂”

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