Commentary:
If only those energy vampires could multitask, I'd have a six-pack by now! 😂🧛♀️💪
Tag Archives: 1458 Funny life quotes
Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to annoy the shit out of a beautiful man for the rest of my life.
Commentary:
Sounds like the ultimate long-term relationship goal: professional annoyance specialist 😂❤️
I’m at a point in life where I’m just at a point.
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Just arrived at my destination: The Point. GPS signals lost, send snacks! 😄📍🍕
If I’m ever on life support, unplug me, then plug me back in. See if that works.
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Trying the classic "turn it off and on again" even in life-or-death scenarios! 😂🔌✨
I had no idea being an adult would involve so many lotions.
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Adulthood: where you've got a lotion for every motion! 🧴😅
I have no idea how people meet at the gym. I turn into a disgusting, angry swamp witch every time I exercise.
Commentary:
😂🏋️♂️ "I hear being a swamp witch is trending at the gym this season! Just rocking that 'fresh out of the cauldron' look!" 🧙♀️💦
Got electrocuted while fixing the doorbell, and now I can hear my girlfriend’s thoughts. She’s thinking she should have called an electrician.
Commentary:
Now I'm not just shocked by the doorbell but also by how much my girlfriend wanted a professional. 🔌😜🔊🤯
I’m not even sure what I’m doing on this planet.
Commentary:
Trying to figure out planet Earth like it's a level 100 escape room! 🌍🧐🚀
I am so lucky that I can’t tell the difference between a heartfelt compliment and sarcastic disdain. Life is much easier when you’re dumb.
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Living blissfully in my own bubble of confusion since forever 😂🤷♂️✨
Expecting your first baby’s exciting, but have you ever ordered a new coffee machine?
Commentary:
Looks like coffee machines and babies both come with their own set of sleepless nights and surprises! ☕👶🤣