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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Dogs will go through amazing effort to get a better view of your plate.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

After having a week off, my boss returns to work today. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

“This isn’t going to end well for you.” Me, alone in the house, to the cake on the counter.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Luckily, I realized that all this love I want to pour into someone else was actually meant for me.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

You wish you had this many chins.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

If you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish, you’ll get the house to yourself on Saturdays.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Someone is probably in the worst argument of their life right now. LOL!

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Due to personal reasons, I will be screaming into a pillow.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

In your twenties, there may be love. It’s very important to ignore this love and pursue a master’s instead.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

If we keep saving daylight, daylight will never learn to save itself.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,350

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Discord:

For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Not to brag, but I drove and found a place I was looking for without turning down my music today.

Shared recently on Messenger:

We used to burn CDs like we were running an underground record label.

Just shared via Reddit:

Killing me softly with his schlong.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Please be nice to me. I’m in my twenties. Do you know what that does to a person?

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I wish I could just drop my body off at the gym and pick it up later.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

My favorite part of socializing is when it’s over.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Men don’t chew on toothpicks all day anymore.

Just landed via Reddit:

Standing like a flamingo at my kitchen counter eating watermelon is such a vibe.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Promising I won’t tell anyone your secret doesn’t include my husband. He’s basically my diary.

20 Funny makeup quotes

Funny makeup quotes 💄✨ bring all the laughs and glam together! Whether you’re a lipstick lover 💋 or a contour queen 👑, these witty sayings add a splash of humor to your beauty routine. Perfect for sharing with your makeup squad or brightening up your day, they prove that makeup isn’t just about looking good—it’s about having fun and expressing yourself with a smile 😄💅. Get ready to LOL while you glow!

New funny makeup quotes 👇

Fifteen years ago, makeup was all powders and dusts. But now, it’s all goo and liquid. From this, I can infer that by 2040, it will all be made of pigmented gases.

6 days ago

ago, change, cosmetic, future, gas, humor, i, liquid, makeup, pigmented, pigmented gas, powder, prediction, technology
Women’s skincare is so confusing. Am I supposed to look shiny and sweaty, or matte like cement?

1 week ago

am, beauty, confusing, confusion, cosmetics, humor, i, makeup, matte, satire, shine, shiny, skincare, sweaty, women
The biggest first-world problem is having your favorite makeup product be discontinued.

1 week ago

beauty, beauty product, cosmetics, discontinued, favorite, first-world, first-world problem, frustration, having, lover, makeup, makeup lover, problem, product
For a guy with no reflection, Dracula’s eyeliner is always flawless.

1 week ago

always, beauty, Dracula, eyeliner, fashion, goth, guy, humor, joke, makeup, reflection, vampire
You gotta act cool, calm, and collected around liquid eyeliner because it can sense your fear.

1 week ago

act, around, beauty, beauty product, calm, confidence, cool, cosmetics, eyeliner, fear, humor, liquid, makeup, product, sense
I left the house with wet hair and no makeup on, so I’m sure I’ll run into everyone I know.

1 week ago

encounter, everyone, hair, house, humor, i, know, left, makeup, relatable, run, sure, wet
Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up.

1 week ago

beauty, dating, failure, humor, love, make-up, makeup, relationship, waste
Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.

1 week ago

beauty, eat, humor, inside, joke, makeup, pretty, self-esteem, wit
I always wonder who makes a more stupid face: women putting on make-up or men shaving?

2 weeks ago

always, beauty, beauty routine, face, grooming, humor, i, make-up, makeup, men, routine, shaving, stupid, women, wonder
Is it smoky eye or were you wearing mascara and your eyes got itchy?

2 weeks ago

beauty, comment, eye, eyes, funny comment, humor, itchy, itchy eye, joke, makeup, mascara, smoky, smoky eye

For even more funny makeup quotes, hit next 👇

All funny makeup quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

25 shares on Telegram this month:

The lion is starting to concern himself with things he’s been trying to ignore.

58 shares on Snapchat this month:

It’s funny how our brains remember that we have forgotten something, but not what we have forgotten.

27 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Me, adding fuel to the fire: I’m just here to help.

53 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Been telling everyone, “It’s been a good year for horses.” No idea whether that’s true or not, but they keep nodding like it makes a lot of sense.

58 shares on WeChat this month:

I’ve got midlife crises older than you.

91 shares on YouTube this month:

Even if there’s a murderer behind me, finish chewing before you tell me.

66 shares on YouTube this month:

That one unemployed roommate who gets a package every day.

18 shares on Telegram this month:

I had an irrational fear of bees until I saw My Girl and it became rational.

40 shares on LinkedIn this month:

They should invent a political party that doesn’t suck.

57 shares on TikTok this month:

My transformation into a bitter, angry old woman is almost complete.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Giving out false information so I know who the leak is.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

He doesn’t realize it yet, but this Saturday, I’ll be asking him to untangle 400 feet of Christmas lights.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

My age is news to me every single time I remember.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The secret to a good marriage is that it’s all about give and take. Giving each other frequent back rubs and ordering lots of takeout.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing like a meteor shower to remind you that burning out can still be breathtaking.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Wearing white pants today, so it’s really just a matter of time before I spill something on myself.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I cannot imagine being in high school right now. Imagine the world is eating itself alive and you’re in school.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

The existence of raw sexuality implies the existence of medium sexuality, but also well-done sexuality.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Name a better duo than sad and depressed.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Why’s it always “NYC smells like pee” and never “my pee smells like the greatest city in the world”?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,303

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Guys will say, “I know a spot,” and then take you on a downward spiral.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” is my favorite story about how everyone treats you like shit until they need something from you.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

Can everyone log off? I need some time alone right now.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

I’m an optimist and i understand how annoying that is.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

If i say “morning!” to you, it does not mean “good morning”, I am merely exclaiming in horror that it is morning.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Three words no parent ever wants to hear when dropping their kid at a play date: “Come on in.”

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

Staring at the sky for answers, nothing new.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

People be like, “I’m a work in progress” and never make any progress.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

The two types of video games are kill everything that moves and Microsoft Excel.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

The highlight of my weekends is slipping into something more comfortable and putting my feet up.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I took your advice and worked smarter not harder. Now I’m going to need your advice on a good lawyer.

Breaking via YouTube:

Nosferatu 2024, Frankenstein 2025, and Werwulf 2026. I was born at exactly the right time.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Honk shuah. Sleep on that thang!

Just landed via Facebook:

No, don’t worry about him, babe. That’s just my soulmate.

Live now on Slack:

My outfit is from Gucci and the body from Ferrero.

Just landed via Facebook:

I know I just ate a snack, but I could really use a snack.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I wish that reading books in the park were my job, and I got paid six figures for it.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I realized Americans were dramatics the day I found out 200 lb is just 90 kg.

Just shared via Twitch:

With great power comes a great electricity bill.

Shared recently on Telegram:

This year is starting to feel like it needs to be left outside until we see if it can act right.

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