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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡» has shared:

Clearing her mind with a brisk walk along the foggy shoreline.

Someone from πŸ‡ΎπŸ‡ͺ has copied:

I’m 27 and a half. I should be on my first divorce by now.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡© has shared:

There are two classes of travel: first class and with children.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡Ώ has shared:

Aliens probably have group chats called Don’t Stop on Earth.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ό has downloaded:

It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ύ has viewed:

Worst part of being in my 20’s is to be reminded that I’m actually in my mid-40’s.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Έ has downloaded:

Today is a wonderful day to leave me alone.

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡΅ has shared:

The porn bots liking my posts from years ago is just reminding me that I’ve always been hilarious.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡Ί has bookmarked:

At this point, I’m sure I’ll meet an alien or zombies before I meet the love of my life!

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ύ has downloaded:

I can’t be the only person who thinks the presidential debate should be performed as a rap battle.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,368

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Freshly posted on X:

Venmo is my favorite social media site. I love to see my boy John charge his wife for Martinis.

Going bananas on Messenger:

So, if you are too tired to speak, sit next to me, because I am fluent in silence.

Making waves on X:

My phone just filmed a 2 hour documentary about life inside my purse.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

People who listen to their sad playlist when they’re happy are a different breed of unstable.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

Trending via WeChat:

The worst is when it’s too late to take a nap but too early to go to bed.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I started at the bottom, and it’s been downhill ever since.

Just landed via Reddit:

I think everyone should get $500 deposited into their accounts every day, just for waking up.

Making waves on Slack:

I was about to stop overthinking, then I thought of a giraffe having a sore throat.

Spotted on Messenger:

Ctrl Alt delete my fat.

20 Funny makeup quotes

Funny makeup quotes πŸ’„βœ¨ bring all the laughs and glam together! Whether you’re a lipstick lover πŸ’‹ or a contour queen πŸ‘‘, these witty sayings add a splash of humor to your beauty routine. Perfect for sharing with your makeup squad or brightening up your day, they prove that makeup isn’t just about looking goodβ€”it’s about having fun and expressing yourself with a smile πŸ˜„πŸ’…. Get ready to LOL while you glow!

New funny makeup quotes πŸ‘‡

For even more funny makeup quotes, hit next πŸ‘‡

All funny makeup quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes πŸ‘Œ

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on Slack this month:

Hey, I came over because the grass seemed really green here, but now that I’m looking back that grass actually looks crazy green, so I’m gonna go.

34 shares on Messenger this month:

Reincarnation, in this economy?

19 shares on Snapchat this month:

How can I be expected to get out of bed when I don’t want to?

59 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Trust me; this is the second millennium I’ve lived in.

78 shares on Pinterest this month:

I always wait 3 minutes after each post for the applause to die down.

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

You miss 100% of the gossip from the phone calls you don’t answer.

93 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My doctor just diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation. Now I’m worried shitless.

96 shares on Instagram this month:

No revenge, because to know me only as a memory is to suffer.

95 shares on Twitch this month:

I hate it when I’m outside, and an insect lands and crawls on my glasses, and for a split second, I think aliens have invaded.

20 shares on YouTube this month:

I used to eat my feelings but now it’s so expensive, I might as well go to therapy.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I think some of you are faking your sarcasms.

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Stopped using exclamation points in work messages so my coworkers know they’ve killed my spirit.

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Being quiet in a room full of loud people is my favorite sport.

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

“Do you like the Microsoft Teams app?” Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

22 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

The inventor of archery: Man, I really wanna stab that guy over there.

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Cooking your own meals really is the best way to devote 50 hours of your life every month to save $50.

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Welcome to your 40’s: you have big plans tonight. No, you don’t.

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

My parents didn’t raise me to be rude, I had to practice.

22 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Being an adult means your pain never goes away, it just migrates to a new location in your body.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I love how spring sprung and then disappeared again.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,435

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡­ has viewed:

At this point making life choices involves liquor and a dart board.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Ή has viewed:

I’m so grateful when people tell me to drive safe, cause then I remember not to drive off that cliff.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡© has bookmarked:

Sometimes I wonder what happened to the people who asked me for directions.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡¦ has downloaded:

A cheat code to adulting is to always have something to look forward to, no matter how small or big.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡© has copied:

I got us matching straight jackets for Christmas.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡΄ has bookmarked:

I like how my fridge also hums when it’s trying to concentrate.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡ͺ has viewed:

To everyone I’ve wronged this year. Next year same time, same place.

Someone from πŸ‡«πŸ‡² has shared:

I’m bad at being sad. Three minutes in, and I’m already making fun of my situation.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡­ has copied:

I don’t think you all understand. If Taylor Swift didn’t have a private jet, she’d be Taylor Slow.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡± has bookmarked:

Don’t forget to brush your teeth, comb your hair, cleanse your face, and share my posts.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just shared via Messenger:

Dear life, when I said “can this day get any worse” it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

Just landed via Messenger:

I appreciate the interest, but I’m officially removing myself from the running to be the next James Bond. Thank you for your understanding.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I lost my composure in 1992. I haven’t seen it since.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

The world is my oyster and I’m allergic to shellfish.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Wonder what I should wear to World War III.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I used to think that the older you get, the wiser and more self-confident you become. I now know that you just get tired more quickly.

Going viral on WeChat:

I was born to be wild, but only until around 9pm or so.

Trending via Pinterest:

Right now somebody’s therapist is hearing about YOU.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I love when I can smell my perfume on myself, like damn girl, you smell delicious.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Breaking News: Local woman stuns in new unnecessary online purchase.

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