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126 Funny man quotes

Trending Funny Man Quotes 🔥

It’s awkward touching hands with another man inside a popcorn bag, especially if you don’t know the man and he doesn’t know you’re eating his popcorn.
Who can better express pain and grief and misery than a man with a harmonica?
You can always tell when a man is dating someone new. Why you going to the aquarium and the museum?
Not a religious man but I do say a short prayer whenever I open a gas station restroom door.
I think this man might be the one, I say right before he dumps me and I never hear from him again.

More funny man quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: Me, seeing a man proposing to a woman in public: Hey, this guy bothering you?

Commentary:
"Me, seeing a man proposing to a woman in public: Hey, this guy bothering you? 💍🙅‍♂️ Better check if she needs saving or just some tissues for happy tears! 😄 #DamselInDistressOrJustInLove"
5 months ago
Share →: I’m gonna get my vasectomy done at Home Depot like a real man.

Commentary:
"Who needs a doctor's office when you have power tools and paint? 🔨💪 DIY vasectomy, coming soon to a Home Depot near you! Just remember, measure twice, cut once… 😂 #DIYManhood"
5 months ago
Share →: We can put a man on the moon but we can’t find a good way to drink wine from a lying down position.

Commentary:
"Well, if we can't figure out a way to sip wine while reclining, at least we can still reach for the stars… just not with a glass in hand 🍷🌙 #FirstWorldProblems"
5 months ago
Share →: A man rejecting my advances can’t hurt me. I have a dog who leaves the bed every time I climb in.

Commentary:
"Who needs rejection from a man when even your dog's like, 'Nah, I'm out' 🤣🐶 #dogloyalty #rejectedbyboth"
5 months ago
Share →: My kid asked where babies come from and I said everywhere, man, they’re worldwide.

Commentary:
Oh, the innocence of children and the perplexity of parents 😄👶🌍 Looks like this little one is getting a global education on origins! Who knew babies were such avid travelers? ✈️🌎 #WorldwideBabies
5 months ago
Share →: A good man is hard to find, but a babysitter for Friday night is harder.

Commentary:
"Finding a good man may be tough, but finding a babysitter for Friday night? Now that's a true quest worthy of a heroic saga! 🕵️‍♀️🍼 #ParentingStruggles"
5 months ago
Share →: Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

Commentary:
"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes and secretly plotting her takeover 😏💁‍♀️ Who said women don't have superpowers? 💪👀"
5 months ago
Share →: The ideal man is always thinking of several cool things at once (throwing a football really far, a truck with big wheels, giving a lot of high fives).

Commentary:
"Who says men can't multitask? 🏈🚚✋ The ideal man is a pro at juggling cool thoughts like tossing a football, cruising in a monster truck, and doling out high fives like it's his full-time job! Just another day in the life of a true legend."
5 months ago
Share →: If your man cheats on you, dump him and date his dad, make him your step son.

Commentary:
"Turning betrayal into a family affair! 👪🔥 Who needs a cheating boyfriend when you can upgrade to a upgraded model? 😂👴 #UltimateRevenge #StepSonGoals"
5 months ago
Share →: I just want a man to look at me the way Doc from ‘Back to the Future’ looks when something exciting happens.

Commentary:
"Life's just not complete until you find someone who stares at you like Doc stares at a flux capacitor. ⚡️🤯 #RelationshipGoals #BackToTheFuture"