166 Funny new quotes

Trending Funny New Quotes 🔥

So annoying that in order to meet new people you need to go out and meet new people. Ideally, I would have known you in a past life.
I admire the audacity of beavers, they just move to a new area and say “screw the neighbors, imma put a lake here”.
If I could do it all over again, I would ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.
My New Years resolutions are to do some things, and stop doing some other things.
The new generation will never know what heartbreak feels like with wired headphones that have a loose connection.

More funny new quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: I am “I can’t remember the last time I went out on New Year’s Eve” old.

Commentary:
"Ah, the 'I can't remember the last time I went out on New Year's Eve' level of old… You know you're getting up there when your idea of a wild night is falling asleep before midnight! 🎉👴😂"
5 months ago
Share →: Me, one week before the new year: Not to brag, but I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of the year.

Commentary:
"Ah, the peak of financial foresight! 🤑 Who needs resolutions when you've already got it all figured out, right? 😂 Here's to wealth management at its finest! 💸 #LivingLarge #FinancialGenius"
5 months ago
Share →: I just feel like we shouldn’t have a new year until we get this one right.

Commentary:
"Well, if we keep hitting 'rewind' on New Year's, are we stuck in a perpetual loop of Monday blues? 🔄🤔 Here's to hoping we finally get it right in this cosmic game of trial and error! 🎉🥂"
5 months ago
Share →: Being an adult means your pain never goes away, it just migrates to a new location in your body.

Commentary:
"Ah, the fun game of 'Where's Waldo' but with our aches and pains instead! 🧐🕵️‍♂️ Who knew adulthood came with its own version of hide-and-seek? 🙈💼 Just when you think you've found relief, *poof* it's off to a new spot! 🎯🤣 #AdultingAdventures"
5 months ago
Share →: 50 is the new 30. Because it takes 50 bucks to buy what 30 used to.

Commentary:
"Whoever said 50 is the new 30 clearly had their priorities straight… in terms of shopping🛍️💸! Age is just a number, but the price tags keep getting bigger! 😂💰"
5 months ago
Share →: Another day of explaining to mom that New York is big and the footage she saw wasn’t shot on my street.

Commentary:
🤣 Oh, the joys of trying to explain city life to parents! 🌆🗽 It's like a marathon of geography lessons every time they see something on TV and assume it's happening right next to you. 🏃‍♂️🗺️ Hang in there, Mom, New York may be big but my street isn't THAT happening! 😂🌃
5 months ago
Share →: The local casino is hosting a speed dating event. Just what every woman needs, a new boyfriend with a gambling problem.

Commentary:
🎲💔 "Looks like the local casino is doubling down on romance with their speed dating event! Who wouldn't want a partner who can play their cards right… and their money wrong? 🃏🤦‍♀️ It's a high-stakes love affair waiting to happen! Place your bets on finding love… or at least a good poker face! ♠️♥️♦️♣️😄"
5 months ago
Share →: Adult life sucks. Friends don’t even ask to see how fast you can run in your new shoes anymore.

Commentary:
"Adulting: where the only race you're winning is the race to pay bills on time! 🏃‍♂️👟 #GrowingUpProblems"
5 months ago
Share →: I ordered a new umbrella on Amazon and had it delivered straight to the lost and found office to maximize efficiency.

Commentary:
"Who says you can't buy yourself some clever problem-solving skills? 😂☔️ #EfficiencyGoals"
5 months ago
Share →: Aliens traveled millions of light years to get here to visit New Jersey.

Commentary:
"Aliens chose to journey through vast galaxies and reach Earth, only to land in New Jersey? 🌌👽 Must've heard they have out-of-this-world diners and killer bagels! 🥯🛸"