Commentary:
"Sure, money can't buy happiness, but it can definitely buy a jet ski… and have you ever seen a sad person on a jet ski? 😂💸🌊"
1149 Funny people quotes
Beer is like weed for people with jobs.
Commentary:
"When you're working 9 to 5, but your beer's working overtime! 🍻😂"
Socialism is like polio, it comes back when people forget about the horrible damage it did last time.
Commentary:
"Bringing back polio: not in style since…ever! 😂🚫💉"
It’s crazy how social media convinced us that 15 likes aren’t enough. Imagine 15 people in real life telling you that you looked good.
Commentary:
"Exactly! If 15 people complimented me in person, I'd immediately start a fashion blog. 😂👗📸 #FeelingFabulous"
If you only watched reality TV dating shows, you would probably estimate the number of people who work in medical device sales in the United States to be approximately 80,000,000.
Commentary:
"Looks like every rose ceremony comes with its own stethoscope! 🌹😉 #MedicalDeviceSalesGoals"
I see people my age out there climbing mountains and skydiving, and here I am feeling good about myself because I got my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.
Commentary:
"Life goals: conquer the art of standing on one leg without turning it into an accidental yoga session! 🧘♂️🤣🩲"
I wish people had mute buttons in real life.
Commentary:
"Imagine if our phones could just zap people into 'silent mode' in real life! 😂🔇 #DreamOn"
The older I get, the more I understand why people live in the woods and talk to squirrels.
Commentary:
"Finally found my true calling: forest life coach for squirrels! 🌲🐿️🗣️"
The concept of a drive-by doesn’t really exist in the swamp biome; instead, people rap about doing bog-emerges.
Commentary:
"Who needs a drive-by when you can do a stylish swamp-stalk instead? 🤣🚣♂️🌿 #BogsAreTheNewBlocks"
Hiccups became less popular. I never hear people hiccuping anymore. What’s going on there?
Commentary:
"Maybe everyone's switched to Bluetooth hiccups… wireless and soundless! 🤫😂📡"