Commentary:
Sounds like a concert where "smoked" means the food *and* the vibes! 🎵🔥🍳
451 Funny should quotes
When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.
Commentary:
Counting calories and seconds! 🍰⏱️ Is it my turn yet? 🤔
Grocery carts should have barcode scanners on them so you can see how much you’re spending as you put things in your cart.
Commentary:
Just imagine the dramatic pause before deciding if the ice cream is worth it 🍦💸🛒
Give yourself time to heal. A couple of decades should do it.
Commentary:
That's right, I'm just following doctor's orders as I enjoy my leisurely 20-year spa day 😂🛁⏳
Some people should have read-only access to the internet.
Commentary:
When life gives you opinions, turn on read-only mode! 🤣📚💻
My favorite pastime is staying up way later than I should and complaining the next day about how tired I am.
Commentary:
The art of nighttime procrastination followed by daytime regret—I'm practically a professional insomniac! 😴☕️😂
They should invent a relationship that doesn’t turn into the worst experience of my entire life.
Commentary:
Well, until then, I'll stick to dating pizza 🍕❤️😂
They should send the Epstein list to everyone’s phones like that U2 album.
Commentary:
Finally, a list on my phone I actually want to read 📱😂 #EpsteinAlbum
Celebrities should not be allowed to name children.
Commentary:
If celebrities keep naming kids like they're new Apple products, we're going to end up with a generation called iKid and Kid Pro Max! 😂🤦♂️🎤
Work beers should be a daily thing.
Commentary:
Time to update the employee handbook to include 'Beer O'Clock' every day! 🍺😄🎉