Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

I installed a bike rack on my car so my neighbors think I do something else besides drink.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

At what age do I delete Snapchat?

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

If you keep the house dark, not only do you save on electricity, but it also looks cleaner.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Seeing a grown man stumble when the train moves is disgusting. How will you provide for anyone?

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

Always be kind. You never know who has subscriptions to your favorite streaming apps.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Forrest Gump is a haunting film about how long you have to wait for a bus in America.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Kids: making things way more difficult when they don’t have to be, since the dawn of man.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Engaging in deforestation (trimming my bush).

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2249 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,411

Funny Quotes Topics

15,118

Funny Quotes Images

12,411

Updated

1 hour ago

Users Online

3,448

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

Jehovah’s Witnesses tell the worst knock knock jokes.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I’m gonna build a pirate ship and sail the high seas. Who’s coming with?

Reported on LinkedIn:

Once again, I was not nominated for an Oscar this morning for acting my way through life.

Just landed via Telegram:

I don’t have time for anything that doesn’t set my soul on fire.

Just landed via WeChat:

There used to be many different names for the childhood game of knocking on doors and running away. But these days, it’s simply referred to as ‘being an Amazon driver’.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Girlfriend is temporary, ex-girlfriend is forever.

Trending via Reddit:

Even wild things have slow mornings.

Breaking via YouTube:

My favorite color is money.

Trending via YouTube:

Life hack: if you run out of treadmill space for your clothes, get a piano.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Your 20s are for trying soup, making new soups, and discussing soup or soup related topics.

Home » Funny Wit Quotes » Page 2

214 Funny wit quotes

More funny wit quotes 👇

2 weeks ago
Share →: Sometimes I do random acts of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

Commentary:
Silence: the greatest gift, and it's budget-friendly too! 😂🤐✨
2 weeks ago
Share →: I’m not easily offended, but I am easily annoyed.

Commentary:
"Same here! I can ignore an insult but overcooked pasta? Now that's personal 🍝😆"
3 weeks ago
Share →: I will not accept a hint. I will act dumb until you say it clearly to me.

Commentary:
When it comes to hints, I'm on a strict see-no-clue diet. 🙈🤷‍♂️🔍
3 weeks ago
Share →: Unlike the stomach, the brain doesn’t alert you when it’s empty.

Commentary:
Brain's out of snacks again! 🍿🤔 Guess it's time to restock on wisdom! 📚😅
3 weeks ago
Share →: They say we learn from our mistakes. That’s why I’m making as many as possible… I’ll be a genius soon.

Commentary:
Leveling up my genius points, one blunder at a time! 😂🧠✨
3 weeks ago
Share →: I love hard, but I stupid harder.

Commentary:
Sounds like a PhD in Love and a Master's in Oops 😂💘
3 weeks ago
Share →: I got called “pretty” today! Well, the full sentence was “You’re pretty annoying,” but I only focus on the positive things.

Commentary:
"Always knew I was a 'pretty' big deal! 😎✨ #PositivityChampion"
3 weeks ago
Share →: Instead of writing LOL, I’m going to start writing SALTS (smiled a little, then stopped). It’s more accurate.

Commentary:
"😂 Finally found my new go-to response! SALTS: The emoji of texts! 🧂📱"
3 weeks ago
Share →: Can we get some A.I. to pick plastic out of the ocean, or do all the robots need to be poets?

Commentary:
"Sure, let's give the robots jobs that don't require rhyming skills—ocean cleanup instead of crafting haikus! 🌊🤖🗑️ #RobotsOnTheJob"
3 weeks ago
Share →: Please don’t delete your post. Yes, it was pretty stupid, but my reply to it was a masterpiece.

Commentary:
"Your post might be the sandwich, but my reply is the gourmet filling! 🍔🧠✨"

For even more funny wit quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny wit quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Is it better to beat someone to the punch or punch someone to the beat?

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

“Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” Yeah, because I won’t be leaving my bed.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

There’s two sides to every story, and then there’s these screenshots I got.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

Dating apps aren’t working, time to start drinking beer and eating hot dogs along the first base line at a baseball game.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Having a bathroom switch outside a bathroom and a sibling is a bad combination.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

My dog just looked me in the eye and said “no one is gonna believe you”, then took a nap.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

Never understood why people train their dogs to sit pretty or roll over when there are useful tricks like empty the dishwasher or fold the laundry.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

Don’t talk to me about regrets if you’ve never had someone’s name tattooed on you.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Why do birds love going apeshit first thing in the morning?

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

My favorite part of Spring is its rolls.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

I’m never more unattractive than when a bee flies in my face.

Seen just now on Discord:

People argue with me more in my head than they do in real life.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

A credit card is kind of like a gift card to every store.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Accidentally punched myself in the face as I was getting dressed this morning, and I have to say, I deserved it.

Going viral on Reddit:

One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Because it is Friday, I will allow one beautiful woman to invite me for drinks.

Breaking via Telegram:

Soup is great for when you’re hungry but want to still feel hungry afterward.

Just shared via Discord:

Body: time to fall asleep. Brain: hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

Making waves on Telegram:

I’m buysexual, you buy me food, I become sexual.

Making waves on Slack:

Why is it called “free time” when I use it to spend all my money?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

214 Funny wit quotes

More funny wit quotes 👇

For even more funny wit quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny wit quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

It’s ok to not have a Valentine on Valentine’s Day. I didn’t have a groundhog on Groundhog’s Day.

A middle finger hits different when your nails are done.

Any cults got something wild planned anytime soon? I’m trying to find the good estate sales.

Every single morning, I have to get out of bed and do things, and it’s bullshit.

The ‘E’ in my name stands for ‘Everything you need.’

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Not trying to brag but this cop says my rear end is smoking.

I’ve been doing Dry January, but it’s literally just been my lips and skin.

My skin is so dry it’s doing a PowerPoint presentation.

I totally get why Leonardo DiCaprio is trying to save the environment for future generations. They could be his girlfriend.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries: it fills you up nicely but without the buzz…

The best part of my kid graduating was unsubscribing from the school’s text messages.

If an ice cream truck has its music on, are you supposed to pull over and let it pass like an ambulance?

Still holding out hope that these intrusive thoughts are just gas.

Updating my resume. Anyone got a more professional word for “dumpster fire”?

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Noam Chomsky is a crazy name, like you sound hungry as f***.

Sometimes I think I’m too old to make a career change. But then I remember how Walter White went from high school teacher to drug kingpin. Anything is possible!

Every retail employee should get to hit one customer a year and there is no way for customers to tell if they’ve used it yet.

Just saying “Think about it!” is enough to overwhelm many people these days.

Activity Log ✨

Share Wordgag 🙏