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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New funny quotes: 15821 this month

15,821 funny quotes and pics

17,819 funny quotes topics

Updated: May 30, 2026

 

 

 

 

143 Funny woman quotes

Funny woman quotes 😂 are the secret sauce to lightening up your day! Whether you’re in need of a good laugh or seeking inspiration with a twist, these witty gems 🤪 can bring a smile to your face. Packed with humor and a dash of sass 💁‍♀️, they’re perfect for sharing with friends or brightening up your social feed. Get ready to giggle, chuckle, and maybe even snort 🤭 with these delightful quips!

Turns out strange women lying in ponds distributing swords was a better basis for a system of government actually.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

If a woman says she’ll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be. No need to remind her every half hour.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

The sexiest woman you know is trying to maintain her balance between insanity and genius.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Being annoying is the most beautiful thing a woman could be.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Writing is so fun because you get to google things like “woman names”.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

If a woman watches a TV show alone, who answers all of her questions?

Posted onMay 26, 2026

The smaller the woman, the bigger the attitude. It’s science.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I am woman, hear me roar but also meow because I am sensitive.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

A woman’s sigh can speak a 1000 words.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I am just a man, a man who told a woman to calm down, so I guess this is goodbye.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Unfortunately, I have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier woman.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Breaking News: Local woman stuns in new unnecessary online purchase.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I’m not your dream woman. I am the sudden shouting of ravens that you hear when you enter a part of the forest you shouldn’t have.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

All women want is to consistently annoy one handsome man forever.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

When I like a woman, I start to gather gifts for her like a squirrel hoarding nuts.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

The local casino is hosting a speed dating event. Just what every woman needs, a new boyfriend with a gambling problem.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

If you’re looking for a wild woman, I just took all of my vitamins in one gulp.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Opening up to a woman is like talking to the police, anything you say can and will be used against you.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

White, black, yellow, brown, Democrat, Republican, man, woman, straight, gay, transgender, Jew, Christian, Muslim, young and old — you will all taste the same to the zombies.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

When a woman texts you three questions, you should only answer one. She will love that.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Cheers erupt as woman cuts into perfectly ripe avocado.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

“Alcohol and beautiful women” is apparently not an appropriate answer when you are asked about your weaknesses in a job interview.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

If I was a weather man, I’d leak the weather early to pretty women.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

‘I love reading!’ says the woman who loves owning books.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

So many true crime podcasts are just like “a young woman went missing, the police took a week to respond, she was last seen with a man the community call Creepy Steve, he has never been questioned”

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Because it is Friday, I will allow one beautiful woman to invite me for drinks.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Deleted old Tweets just in case I date a very famous woman with rabid fans.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I will never give another woman my heart until I see how she acts when a bee flies at her.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Once married, the woman takes over the entire closet and the man stores everything he owns in his left cargo pocket.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Sometimes being a woman is just trying to figure out if you’re hormonally sad, seasonally sad, or genuinely falling apart.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Behind every funny man is a woman who rolls her eyes.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

If the man is silent, he is a thinker. If the woman is silent, the thinker is in big trouble.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

The woman that cleaned my house could make a lot of money by threatening to release the before and after photos.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Drove by a woman with her car broke down, I was going to stop and help until I remembered I don’t know anything about cars or women.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Most of being a woman is just removing exclamation points from emails before you send them.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

If a woman says “Do what you want!”, then for God’s sake don’t do what you want!

Posted onMay 22, 2026

It sucks when a woman realizes that her knight in shining armor was actually just a moron wrapped in tinfoil.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

More dangerous than a lion that roars is a woman gone silent.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Stealing hoodies is for amateurs. Steal his car like a real woman.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

A woman’s G-spot can be found at the end of the word shopping.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

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