Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

I don’t jump to conclusions, I cannonball into them like a boss.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

My workout is reading in bed until my arms hurt.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

I don’t have read receipts on my phone because why would I tell on myself like that?

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

I would love to be normal, but unfortunately, I was raised by the internet and a microwave.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Told a couple of jokes at a Zoom meeting. Turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I sneeze so loud and hard I think I’m a dad.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

I’m doing pretty good for someone who rarely has a clue.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Just learned in psychology that when a man goes to sleep first, it’s because he’s comfortable around you and wants you to go through his phone.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

They should invent harmless cigarettes for aura farming purposes.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Fun fact: the creator of Barbie and the creator of Hot Wheels were husband and wife.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,459

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

If you’re a mad scientist, put a note in your laboratory reminding you to sometimes be a happy scientist.

Shared recently on Messenger:

At my age, a trail of clothes leading to the bedroom, means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Those guys holding fish in their dating profile pictures are just demonstrating how they’ll carry you over the threshold after marriage.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I’m liking your IG photo from 8 days ago because IG just showed me today!

Live now on WhatsApp:

I wouldn’t walk 500 miles, and then walk 500 more.

Just landed via WeChat:

Rom-com idea: Gozilla +1. Godzilla gets invited to a wedding but struggles to convince anyone to go with him.

Making waves on Facebook:

If you’re cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and continue to participate in family game night.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Girls flirt by orbiting your general location like an electron.

Trending via Instagram:

Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

Spotted on WeChat:

Adding “Free HBO” to your dating profile isn’t the game changer you’d think it’d be.

I already know how it will end. One of my children will unplug my life support to charge their phone.

0
I already know how it will end. One of my children will unplug my life support to charge their phone.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like it's not just the Wi-Fi that's getting disconnected, but grandma too! 📱💀 #FamilyPriorities"

, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

61 shares on WeChat this month:

I probably think this song is about me.

30 shares on Facebook this month:

Sure sex is cool, but have you ever farted away a stomachache?

62 shares on Telegram this month:

My husband threw away a perfectly good box as if we might not need it in 20 years.

86 shares on Pinterest this month:

Have nothing to say, I just wanted to appear in your newsfeed.

71 shares on Telegram this month:

Someone asked me what my hobby was and I realized that my favorite hobby is doing absolutely nothing.

80 shares on TikTok this month:

Y’all ever postpone an outfit? Like, nah, let me save this for a better day? Same.

89 shares on WeChat this month:

People don’t catch bullets with their teeth anymore, get out there and practice.

21 shares on Pinterest this month:

By 30, you should have settled down with an addiction that works for your lifestyle, no second guessing. You go to work, come home, and [addiction].

84 shares on YouTube this month:

Sorry, I’m late. I found my old CD collection.

10 shares on Facebook this month:

Here’s a fun activity you can do with your kids on rainy days when they have too much energy: Go shopping and leave them at home with their dad.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone is either engaged, at a run club, doing their master’s, or in Japan.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I now feel I’ve watched enough reruns of The Shawshank Redemption on basic cable that I’ll be able to successfully make it in prison.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to brag, but I boiled the right amount of pasta. Once. Five years ago.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m now at the age where happy hour is a nap.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone thinks they won’t be that couple that goes from ‘everything you do is a turn-on’ to ‘you’re breathing too loud,’ but they will be, oh, they will be.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish I was as tired in bed at night as I am after lunch at work.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Since I’ve stayed away from most people, I get on much better with people.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

You either die a people pleaser, or live long enough to start leaving texts on read.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Replying to all emails with “ya think?”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,614

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

My superpower? I can look you right in the eyes while you’re talking and not hear a single word you said.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Today sucked so bad, I had to stop by the liquor store on my way to the bar.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Husband and I were blissfully happy for 25 years. Then we met.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

You know what I never see anymore are those old alcoholics with the weird noses.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

In honor of Charles Dickens, I will also be poor this Christmas.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

The best part of having a failing memory is that you can wrap up presents for yourself, and when it comes time to open them, you are honestly surprised.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

I will not hesitate to use dark magic on you.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Even worse than the buzzing of the mosquitoes is the moment when it suddenly stops.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

I’m the ick in fantastic.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

The eyes are the windows to the soul. A mustache is the front garden, and the mouth is that big pothole the council should do something about.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

Your childhood wasn’t complete unless you were chased by a dog… or a goat… or even worse, a chicken.

Going viral on TikTok:

Let’s skip the getting-to-know-you phase. Just block me.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Sometimes I wonder what happened to the people who asked me for directions.

Spotted on Telegram:

I have noticed something quite worrying: after I buy more things I have less money.

Just shared via YouTube:

I like to people-watch, but I’m an advanced people-watcher. When I spot another people-watcher, I like to watch them watching other people.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

Spotted on WeChat:

Eating dark chocolate is practically eating vegetables.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Happy Earth Day. You don’t look a day over 4 billion years and get hotter every year.

Going viral on Slack:

My exorcist thinks we should see other demons.

Trending via Messenger:

Travelling through the US by car is beautiful because you feel like a blood cell in a very sick man’s body.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴