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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

Apologies for the late response, instead of spending three minutes answering your email, I ignored it and felt anxious for two weeks.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

My sister: snowboards. My brother: skateboards. Me: charcuterie boards.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

My son just turned an everything bagel into an everywhere bagel.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

They should invent a day where I feel normal.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

Imagine you and me as cows in Switzerland, enjoying the view and saying “moo” every day.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Women who don’t check a man’s phone will still use their intuition and dreams to find out if he’s cheating.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

I’m experimenting with how many apples I need to eat a day to keep everyone away, whatever their profession.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

My love language is deader than Latin.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

That depressing moment when you start your car to go to work and it doesn’t explode.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

I put the “sexy” in “dyslexic.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,629

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Snapchat:

Migraine so bad you develop powers like superhuman hearing.

Trending via Telegram:

Just saw the fattest bird. This guy must get up early as hell.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

We got our carpet cleaned today, so I’m just waiting for the dog to throw up.

Spotted on Threads:

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, no, I shut it off and back on again. Why are you still here?

Live now on X:

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re exercising.

Seen just now on Slack:

Men can stay up til 2 a.m., wake up at 6, be in debt, broke, alone, and still have faith that one day, everything will work out. It’s called being a man.

Shared recently on Telegram:

At my age, getting up early just means that I had to go pee, and I couldn’t hold it anymore.

Live now on Discord:

I love being single because how could I explain a 2 p.m. – 5 p.m. nap on a Saturday.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Sorry to any bands who see me yawn during their show. It’s not you, it’s just past 10pm.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

At the grocery store, progressively booing louder as the clerk scans each item.

I set my alarms extra early to make sure I have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up.

2 months ago

0

I set my alarms extra early to make sure I have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the art of mastering the art of waking up grumpy 🌞😠 Setting multiple alarms for that morning rage session – now that's dedication! Who needs sunshine and chirping birds when you have the soothing sound of snooze buttons? 😂 #MorningsAreHard

alarm, angry, bed, early, enough, extra, having, humor, i, lay, management, morning, morning routine, procrastination, routine, set, sure, time, time management, wake, wake up

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re excited about your organized fridge.

0

2 months ago

adulthood, changes, day, excited, excitement, fridge, fun, life, life changes, next, organized, transition, young, youth
I just finished cleaning the house for Thanksgiving, so if you’re looking for my family they’ll be in the backyard until Thursday.

0

2 months ago

backyard, celebration, cleaning, family, finished, holiday, house, humor, i, just, looking, Thanksgiving, Thursday
I hate when my cat runs into my bedroom and hisses at an empty chair, then runs back out again; and I then have to fall asleep holding a crucifix.

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2 months ago

again, asleep, back, bedroom, cat, chair, crucifix, empty, fall, fear, hate, hisses, holding, humor, i, pet, runs, sleep, superstition
Someone at my job mentioned severance, and I was like, “Oh my God, I love that show,” and they said, “No, I’m about to get fired.”

0

2 months ago

fired, firing, God, humor, i, job, love, misunderstanding, oh, reaction, said, severance, show, someone, TV, TV Show, workplace
Ruin a perfectly nice trip out with your child by bringing your child.

0

2 months ago

child, expectations, family, humor, nice, outing, parenting, perfectly, ruin, sarcasm, trip
A word to the wise ain’t necessary, it’s the stupid ones who need advice.

0

2 months ago

advice, common, common sense, humor, irony, need, sense, stupid, wisdom, word

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

96 shares on TikTok this month:

Flirting is easy until it’s someone you actually like.

56 shares on Messenger this month:

May the Force be with you… especially in Monday meetings.

57 shares on Telegram this month:

I am such a fun person and so easy to get along with as long as the layout I have secretly imagined for the entire day goes exactly as I planned it without variation or interruption.

57 shares on WeChat this month:

You’re in her DMs. I’m accidentally reposting reels of Tibetan foxes because I don’t know how to use the app anymore.

24 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You’d think someone in the room would’ve spoken up like “hey guys, maybe it’s a bad idea to make one ring to rule them all”.

57 shares on Messenger this month:

Amazing how fast my addiction to my phone is cured the moment I get a phone call.

52 shares on Instagram this month:

Startup idea: Instagram, but it only shows you posts from people you follow, and they’re in chronological order.

42 shares on Facebook this month:

The cheapest way to fly is off the handle.

43 shares on WeChat this month:

You did all that terrible driving just to end up right next to me at the stop light.

59 shares on Telegram this month:

I just wanna be rich enough to not have to run onstage after concerts to get my bra back.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, “I may as well go while I’m here.”

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My dating checklist is down to “not the Unabomber”.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

For Halloween, I’m going as an emotional roller coaster.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

If you ever need nothing, I’m here for you.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Many years ago, I stood up to 100-200 million others only to sit in meetings now.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Never underestimate the healing power of not watching the news.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My kids have been joking for weeks about a new Pokémon called Puke-Achu and then they got the stomach flu and brought it to life.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

At the plastic surgeon: Please, Doc, help me. My Barbie doll has appendicitis.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m not dramatic. I just react with the intensity of a Shakespearean widow at all times.”

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your 40s! You’re gonna need several doctors, no matter how many apples.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,250

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

I once had a psychic girlfriend, she left me before we met.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Deciding if I should heal or just give up and go completely insane.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

I’d rather you don’t watch me while I’m liking my own post.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Insomnia is embarrassing. How can I be so bad at something that literally involves doing nothing?

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

I used to think “9 to 5” means a job from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

Netflix be like “we know exactly what movie you talkin’ ’bout but we ain’t got it lol”.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

They’re putting me through the penny flattening machine at the zoo.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

In the 80s, if you woke up feeling thirsty, you could drink some of your waterbed.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

My son put his dish in the sink so I rushed him to urgent care.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

The sweet spot is just enough pain to know you’re alive, but not quite enough to wish you were dead.

Just shared via Messenger:

Life hack: put on an apron at home and people think you’re super busy doing important stuff even when you’re not.

Going viral on Slack:

My sleep schedule and I are not on speaking terms.

Just shared via Messenger:

I used to be a person who couldn’t easily fall asleep, then I got divorced and now I sleep like a baby. Probably unrelated.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

You’ll be fighting for your life financially and that’s when all your toiletries finish at the same time.

Trending via WeChat:

Waiting in the grocery store parking lot for the rotisserie chickens to be ready. The thrill of the hunt.

Shared recently on Threads:

Stealing hoodies is for amateurs. Steal his car like a real woman.

Shared recently on Slack:

It’s always “you’re so cute when you’re mad,” until the house is on fire.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Hey kid, wanna hear a scary story? One day, you will be able to do whatever you want, and you will choose to stay home alone.

Seen just now on Slack:

I don’t have red flags, I have fun facts.

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