Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

I like to describe the difference between theory and practice with shopping lists and receipts.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

I love how spring sprung and then disappeared again.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

Sorry for having no idea what the hell I am doing. It will happen again.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

(at an incredibly low point in my life) I should start dating again.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

“Never let someone else destroy your stuff when you can destroy it yourself”, every kid I ever.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

I may look fine on the outside, but on the inside I’m hungry again.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

My favorite part about summer is when I get to go back inside where it’s air conditioned.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Ears are great for tucking your hair behind in the wind. Big shout out to ears.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

Stop giving kids Bible names but no Bible lessons. Moses tried to rob me last night.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,576

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on YouTube:

Kim Kardashian wants her ashes to be scattered in the sea after her death. As if there wasn’t enough plastic there already.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

My pronouns are she/her and my adjectives are problematic/overwhelmed.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Due to personal reasons, I’ve decided to become your problem.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Bison may look friend-shaped, but they already have all the friends they want. Keep your distance and don’t make it awkward.

Just shared via Twitch:

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.

Just landed via Pinterest:

If you have children, you can experience all human emotions before 9 a.m. on Sundays.

Seen just now on Twitch:

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Just shared via TikTok:

I taped a picture of my paycheck on my front door to keep all the solicitors away.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Why is it called “free time” when I use it to spend all my money?

Live now on Slack:

I have thought one billion times about everything.

I wait all week for the weekend just to aggressively do nothing in five different outfits.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like my weekend agenda is fashionably on point: mastering the art of 'couch couture'! 😎👗🛋️

different, doing, doing nothing, fashion, five, humor, i, just, nothing, outfit, outfits, procrastination, relaxation, wait, waiting, week, weekend

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’ve found God. It’s my turn to hide now.

0

2 months ago

found, God, hide, humor, irony, spirituality, turn
I always preferred the English spelling of “diarrhea” which is “diarrhoea” because it really looks like you’ve lost control of your vowels.

0

2 months ago

always, control, diarrhea, diarrhoea, English, humor, i, language, looks, lost, spelling, vowels, wordplay
Don’t talk to me unless you are a ham sandwich.

0

2 months ago

conversation, food, ham, ham sandwich, humor, me, preference, sandwich, talk
Handsome, you better get to the point, my beer buzz is starting to wear off.

0

5 months ago

beer, better, buzz, conversation, drinking, handsome, humor, point, starting, wear
I know I’m almost 40 because I had a few drinks last night and woke up this morning thinking: Oh no I bought so many socks online last night.

0

2 months ago

40, adulthood, age, birthday, drinks, hangover, humor, i, know, last, morning, night, oh, online, online shopping, regret, shopping, socks, thinking, woke
My wallet is like an onion; opening it makes me cry.

0

2 months ago

cry, crying, expense, finance, humor, joke, me, money, onion, opening, sarcasm, wallet

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on WeChat this month:

I love being a girly girl and going to sleep all moisturized, juicy, and soft. Lip balm on. Layering on scents just to beauty rest.

62 shares on Pinterest this month:

“What’s something you’d tell your younger self?” You can have ice cream for dinner, nobody will stop you.

84 shares on Twitch this month:

When life hands me lemons, I put them in the fridge next to the bagged salad I’m also not going to eat.

27 shares on WeChat this month:

You can’t be everyone’s cup of tea, let them sip on their own bland brew.

45 shares on Telegram this month:

The history of mankind would have been completely different if Adam and Eve had been Chinese. They would have left the apple hanging and eaten the snake.

42 shares on Threads this month:

I’m not gonna have a bad day. The day is gonna have a bad me.

68 shares on TikTok this month:

Breakfast in bed: where your cozy blanket turns into a crumby crime scene.

88 shares on Facebook this month:

Is it just me or does everything cost like we’re shopping in an airport now?

87 shares on WhatsApp this month:

God bless the student essay that is so confused and rambling, there is zero chance that they used AI.

76 shares on TikTok this month:

I got fired from my job at the massage parlor. No specific reason, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

My children are very helpful. For example, when I ask them to do something, they suggest a different child that could do it instead.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Therapy? I have Spotify.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

I hate math, but I love counting money.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Just so you know, what you now call an energy bar is what my father gave the canary.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

The secret to my success is everywhere I go I wear a shirt that says STAFF on the back.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Horoscope: You will give blood generously this week, but it won’t be your idea.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

I feel so bad when I overtake an old person on the sidewalk. Like, man, I really didn’t mean to flex on you with my youthful stride.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

Everyone’s gangsta until grandma grabs that wooden spoon.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

“What’s your blood type?” I don’t know, boiling!

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

Do you think protein wants to be in all these things?

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

Welcome to your 40s! You’re gonna need several doctors, no matter how many apples.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Sundries sounds like something grandma would call scandalous underwear.

Just landed via Reddit:

Birthday sex is having sex to celebrate your parents having sex.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

If you’re thinking what I’m thinking, you need professional help.

Just landed via Snapchat:

If you want to hang out with me, all you have to do is ask, and I’ll say no.

Spotted on WeChat:

My Uber driver didn’t try to talk to me the entire ride. Five stars.

Just landed via Discord:

Your pronouns are “side/chick”.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I’m gonna put “CEO of Blockbuster Video” on my resume because who are they gonna call to confirm?

Making waves on WhatsApp:

There should be a zoo that has people from every country in it.

Going bananas on TikTok:

I am thinking of watching a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I wait all week for the weekend just to aggressively do nothing in five different outfits.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’ve found God. It’s my turn to hide now.

I always preferred the English spelling of “diarrhea” which is “diarrhoea” because it really looks like you’ve lost control of your vowels.

Don’t talk to me unless you are a ham sandwich.

Handsome, you better get to the point, my beer buzz is starting to wear off.

I know I’m almost 40 because I had a few drinks last night and woke up this morning thinking: Oh no I bought so many socks online last night.

My wallet is like an onion; opening it makes me cry.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨