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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

It sucks when you have to stand on an escalator for 30 minutes because of a power cut.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Instead of writing LOL, I’m going to start writing SALTS (smiled a little, then stopped). It’s more accurate.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you’re up to.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

The grass isn’t really greener over there; that’s just a filter.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

I hate when people can’t let go of the past. Debt collectors are the worst.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

When life gives you lemons maybe think to yourself, “that’s really quite remarkable given how far I live from a climate capable of growing citrus.”

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Schrodinger’s Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

Some people aren’t just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

In my house the roles are reversed cause my kids tell me to turn my music down.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

I lied, there’s no sex. I just need you to change the batteries in my smoke detectors.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,449

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Becoming an adult was the worst thing I’ve ever done.

Seen just now on WeChat:

“Are you seeing anyone,” like hallucinating?

Trending via Pinterest:

A two-step guide to warning someone not to hit their head: 1. Wait until they’ve hit their head. 2. Say “Ooh, mind your head!”

Seen just now on Reddit:

One pretty important part of being a dad is walking faster than the rest of your family through an airport.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

The best way to reach me is with intelligence and humor.

Live now on WhatsApp:

My apologies to the Goodreads reviewer who found my novel about vampires on a submarine, “unrealistic.”

Making waves on YouTube:

My New Year’s resolution will be to stop chasing waterfalls, and stick to the rivers and the lakes that I’m used to.

Trending via Twitch:

Hear me out: a streaming service that doesn’t keep increasing their prices and actually has movies you want to watch.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Probably the most humiliating thing that can happen when you die is that you come back as a fitted-sheet ghost.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

You ever wake up from your dreams impressed? Like, damn, that narrative structure was phenomenal.

If you really wanna piss someone off when introducing them, make little finger quotation marks in the air when announcing their job title.

19 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Playful text highlighting sarcastic air quotes around job titles for humorous effect.

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Commentary:
Oh yeah, my "job" is definitely a "real" career… so I'm doing just "great" 😂✌️

air, annoying, annoying behavior, behavior, finger, finger quotation, humor, interaction, introduction, job, job title, little, prank, quotation, sarcasm, social, social interaction, someone, title

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Social Media Stars ⭐

24 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you meet me and I’m talking to myself, just keep walking. I’m self-employed and I’m in a meeting with senior management.

16 shares on Instagram this month:

My computer: Consider changing your password. Me: Consider fighting me in the streets.

77 shares on Slack this month:

“Lmao” has survived and even thrived over the years, but its cousin “rofl” has faded into indignity. The cruelty of fate.

89 shares on X this month:

My mom and all her opinions are visiting this weekend.

49 shares on Messenger this month:

If you don’t have a favorite spatula yet, you still have some growing up to do.

81 shares on Slack this month:

A Monday every week is excessive.

45 shares on Discord this month:

Idiocracy wasn’t supposed to be a documentary.

86 shares on Pinterest this month:

Doesn’t matter if the chicken or the egg came first. Still a weird thing to just appear.

44 shares on Facebook this month:

A chocolate advent calendar is a test of restraint that I simply do not have.

92 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I only go for nature walks with people I can outrun.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Lord, take away my suffering and give it to anyone who’s ever said, ‘Hey, Grok.’

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

If the USA is so great, why did someone make the USB?

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

What’s the point of having sex dreams if you always wake up just when it’s getting down to business?

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

It’s not too early to go to sleep. Too early only applies to waking up.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

You’re not entertaining, you are exittaining.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

When people don’t drink coffee, it’s like, okay, but how do you solve the problem of being awake?

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Today I started gardening. I planted myself in front of the TV and I sat there the entire day.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Before Google, if you didn’t know something you had to go ask someone and most of the time they couldn’t help you, and now that’s also how Google works.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI take a 30-minute poop right after clocking in.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

Not to brag but I can chop an onion without crying. And I can cry without chopping an onion.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I look so pretty today. I should go for a walk and let the people enjoy this.

Breaking via Discord:

I’m always happy when I come home from shopping and the note on the table reminds me of what I wanted to buy.

Going viral on Facebook:

Why do they have to make things childproof when I’m still functioning at a kindergarten level of dexterity?

Making waves on Pinterest:

Anyone else smile at old people just to show that you’re one of the good ones.

Going viral on YouTube:

Texting a man first feels like I’m on my hands and knees begging him to talk to me.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Going to the bathroom at night with my flashlight on and a dog next to me feels like I’m gonna solve a mystery.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

The second half of your life begins when you stop wanting to get even and start wanting to get odd.

Seen just now on Slack:

Bring me a higher love. You have 24 hours. No cops.

Just shared via Slack:

I’m disgusted by the amount of nudity on Netflix these days. There’s hardly any. What am I even paying for?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If you really wanna piss someone off when introducing them, make little finger quotation marks in the air when announcing their job title.

I can relate to God because it also takes me a full week to finish something that still kind of sucks.

Man, these end times are taking forever.

Accidentally punched myself in the face as I was getting dressed this morning, and I have to say, I deserved it.

Wolves should really raise more people.

I talk to my dog like she’s human and, like most humans, she looks at me like I’m an idiot.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If you really wanna piss someone off when introducing them, make little finger quotation marks in the air when announcing their job title.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I can relate to God because it also takes me a full week to finish something that still kind of sucks.

Man, these end times are taking forever.

I’ve tasted being the bigger person, I’ve also tasted matching energy. I recommend no contact.

Accidentally punched myself in the face as I was getting dressed this morning, and I have to say, I deserved it.

Wolves should really raise more people.

I talk to my dog like she’s human and, like most humans, she looks at me like I’m an idiot.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨