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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

The best way to get through Monday is to pretend it’s Tuesday.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

You can tell me what you want, but alcohol and eye contact are a dangerous combination.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

Putting your wedding scrapbook in the little free library is an unprecedented level of divorced.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

I lied, there’s no sex. I just need you to change the batteries in my smoke detectors.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

“I’m tired of being forced to eat microplastics. I’m ready for big plastics now.”

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

My apologies to your congregation. I totally misunderstood when you asked for missionary volunteers.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Sometimes I’m like….. what is the point of all this? And then I hang out with the people I love, and for a brief moment, I see.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Weight gain makes me sad. Luckily, eating cheers me right back up.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

There are no adults in the room. The cavalry is not coming. Everything was built by people no smarter than you.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Who wants to do all my adult stuff for me today?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

298 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,567

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,567

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,362

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

I was dropped as an adult.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Being able to notice that a celebrity unfollowed another celebrity is some seriously jobless behaviour.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I am never hungrier than when I leave the dentist and told I can’t eat right away.

Spotted on Reddit:

Heelys don’t have brakes because my swag rides forever.

Spotted on Messenger:

Just remember, you don’t need a special reason to buy a cake.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

You aren’t from the Midwest unless you can spin out in the snow, regain control and keep driving like nothing happened.

Just landed via Twitch:

I am the opposite of artificial intelligence. I am authentic stupidity.

Live now on YouTube:

Out of all my body parts, I’m sure my eyes are in the best shape. I do at least 463 eye rolls a day.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

No longer praying on your downfall. I will be directly involved.

Just shared via TikTok:

I grew up in a kinder, gentler age. We pitied our fools.

If you really wanna piss someone off when introducing them, make little finger quotation marks in the air when announcing their job title.

If you really wanna piss someone off when introducing them, make little finger quotation marks in the air when announcing their job title.
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Commentary:
Oh yeah, my "job" is definitely a "real" career… so I'm doing just "great" 😂✌️

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Don’t be fooled by what your kids will eat at someone else’s house.

89 shares on Slack this month:

Some hoodies don’t hoodie the way other hoodies hoodie.

69 shares on Twitch this month:

This whole working for a living thing goes on for how long?

38 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t flirt, I just say weird things and hope something sticks.

25 shares on YouTube this month:

Might go to prison so I can focus on the gym properly.

20 shares on Pinterest this month:

“You’re like cherry lip gloss. I just can’t get enough.”

17 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The urge to pee in the morning is so aggressive. Bro, like, chill we’re getting there. Don’t threaten to come out.

60 shares on Slack this month:

Of course, because I’m wearing a white shirt, my coffee chose violence.

17 shares on X this month:

At this point of my celibacy, I can see the same colors as mantis shrimp. What do you know about blorange and gurple?

51 shares on Slack this month:

I bought a little bag of air today. The company that made it was kind enough to put some potato chips in it as well.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Grok just sounds like something that might try to eat me.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

When you meet twins, demand to speak with the one in charge.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I was going to warn my kids about the repercussions of drugs and alcohol until I realized that they in fact were the repercussions of drugs and alcohol.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

You know when you tap a video to see how long it’s got left? I wish you could do that to people while they’re talking.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Do you remember when you looked through binoculars upside down and everyone was really far away? That was nice.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Your life can’t fall apart if you never had it together.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever said it was okay to let your pets sleep in your bed, thanks a lot, now my goldfish is dead.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Some nights I stay up hella late just farting.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I refuse to go to a blood bank. I’m not taking your blood money.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Have kids so you can say things you never thought you would like “please don’t vacuum your sister”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

298 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,567

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,567

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,514

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Yes, I make bad decisions when I’m drunk. But I wouldn’t say that the decisions I make when I’m sober are any better.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Say what you want about online meetings, but there are few things more liberating than attending a disciplinary hearing naked from the waist down.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

I’m actually really peace-loving, but then there are other people.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

When someone sits in the empty seat beside you: flattered yet annoyed. When no one sits in the empty seat beside you: offended yet relieved.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Be the reason someone spits out their drink today.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

A pie where there isn’t pastry on the bottom isn’t a pie. It’s soup with a hat.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

…and so ends another week of me not becoming unexpectedly rich.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Every guy wants to be called Daddy till that test comes back positive.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

Once again, I was not nominated for an Oscar this morning for acting my way through life.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Today’s kids don’t even get chicken pox anymore, they go straight to STDs.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via YouTube:

I need to start hiding my money from myself.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

They should invent harmless cigarettes for aura farming purposes.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

The porn bots liking my posts from years ago is just reminding me that I’ve always been hilarious.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Don’t hate me, date me!

Trending via Instagram:

Slow blinking at my boss so he knows I want a raise.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

This whole working for a living thing goes on for how long?

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I need you to think about me 23/7. You get 1 hour a day for yourself.

Live now on Facebook:

I wonder how much this “Never mind, it’s only 10 bucks” has already cost me?

Going bananas on X:

The first thing you learn to draw in art school is money from your parents bank account.

Shared recently on Slack:

I finally used a screw from the random screw collection I’ve been accumulating for 25 years, and I’ve never felt so alive.

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