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There’s a fat man inside me dying to get out.

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Itโ€™s not the destination that matters. Itโ€™s the snacks you eat on the way.

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There are people who leave comments on porn videos.

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Everyone is gangster until theyโ€™re asked to reveal a โ€œfun factโ€ about themself as part of a work event icebreaker.

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Why would I want a memory pillow? Sleep is where I go to forget.

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Tell your dog I said woof woof.

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He died doing what he did best, trying to get a croc to wear a Croc.

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One of my greatest strengths is appearing busy so people don’t try to speak to me.

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While a leaf blower is a close second, my preferred cleaner is a flamethrower.

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Once you’ve read the dictionary, every other book you read is just a remix.

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I’m heading to the beach without a beach body.

I’m heading to the beach without a beach body.

Commentary:
Who needs a six-pack when youโ€™ve got a cooler full of snacks? ๐Ÿ•๐Ÿ–๏ธ๐Ÿ˜Ž

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