Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they’re dead.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

I still make time for all my favorite hobbies, like drinking, swearing, and making people feel uncomfortable.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Some women seated next to me are gossiping in French. They obviously think I’m some dumb American who doesn’t speak French and they are correct.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

A moment of silence for everything I have to do but am not doing.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

“PTO” stands for “prepare the others” because you’re not gonna be there.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

I didn’t just turn into a grouchy old woman overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off, and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

Like me, the weather is getting cooler around here.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

There should be 1 day a month without commercials.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Whoever coined the term coined the term coined the term coined the term.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

The Gen Z stare. The millennial pause. Instead, let’s talk about the boomer inappropriate personal question.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,452

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

I support Bluesky in theory, but in practice, it’s like a JRPG with no bad guys.

Live now on Reddit:

People will name their dog Steve and have two kids named Buddy and Rocket.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic. He screamed and shouted about the iceberg and how the ship was going to sink, but all they did was throw him out of the theater.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

Seen just now on Slack:

Some people stay in the past because that’s where they peaked.

Live now on Messenger:

I feel like people just come to the airport to cough.

Spotted on Messenger:

SEO experts be like: I was eating a banana when my traffic increased, so bananas are definitely a ranking factor.

Going viral on Snapchat:

If you buy something with a lifetime warranty and it breaks, the manufacturer will send a hitman to your house.

Live now on Facebook:

Girls … I understood why they advise us to get married and have kids before 25. Because after that, our brain starts working, and the decision won’t seem so reasonable anymore.

Spotted on Telegram:

The only thing limiting what you can put in a sandwich is your imagination and the laws of physics.

I’ve been so stressed about getting my shit together that I haven’t gotten any of my shit together.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like my 'get it together' plan is still under construction 🚧🛠️ Stress level: expert, productivity level: potato 🥔

getting, humor, i, life, motivation, procrastination, self-improvement, shit, stress, together

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’d rather throw everything I own in the trash than try to deal with people on Facebook Marketplace.

0

3 months ago

annoyance, deal, dealing, dealing with people, everything, Facebook, Facebook Marketplace, frustration, humor, i, ID, marketplace, media, online, online marketplace, own, people, selling, selling online, social, social media, throw, trash, try
Where do cicadas go when they’re not screaming? I’d like to go there and scream.

0

2 months ago

cicada, curiosity, funny thought, humor, nature, place, quiet, quiet place, scream, screaming, thought
Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

0

5 months ago

anxiety, big, boundary, causing, coming, cortisol, home, house, humor, mood, stress, wellness
Spoiler alert: Monday doesn’t care about your feelings.

0

2 months ago

alert, attitude, care, check, feelings, humor, Monday, reality, reality check, sarcasm, spoiler, spoiler alert, workweek
A fitness trainer showed me the proper way to inhale and exhale and then got pissed when I told her she had nice breaths.

0

2 months ago

breaths, compliment, exhale, fitness, humor, i, inhale, joke, me, misunderstanding, nice, trainer
Every Reddit relationship post is like “My husband dropped a big piano on my head and when I emerged from the rubble my teeth had been replaced by the keys. Am I in the wrong?”

0

2 months ago

absurdity, am, big, dropped, every, head, humor, husband, i, keys, piano, post, Reddit, relationship, teeth, wrong

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on Instagram this month:

My husband doesn’t find it nearly as amusing as I do when I sing, “Someday My Prince Will Come,” while I’m cleaning.

71 shares on WhatsApp this month:

They say the best things take time. That’s why I’m always late.

58 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Can’t believe, as a kid, I thought 21-year-olds had their lives figured out.

62 shares on Telegram this month:

Shoutout to drug dealers for teaching the metric system to Americans.

41 shares on Snapchat this month:

“Thank you for choosing Amtrak.” No problem. There are no other trains.

40 shares on Messenger this month:

Nothing is funnier than seeing how angry someone gets when they realize they can’t manipulate you.

14 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Hate it when my mouth says something my brain was trying to keep quiet.

76 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m tired of being an adult. Therefore, I will be stepping down. Thank you!

91 shares on Instagram this month:

Next time I lose my mind I swear I’m not even going to look for it any more.

92 shares on Snapchat this month:

When people say, “Stop living in the past,” my thought in turn is, “But the music was so much better then!”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

I got a bumper sticker that says, “Honk if you think I’m pretty.” Sometimes I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

If I had The Force, I’d just use it to open pistachios.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Dogs are man’s best friend because a dog would never blindside you with a group chat.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

If you’re gonna spend so much time in my head, would it kill you to tidy up a bit?

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

I have now learned the moonwalk. It’s visually the coolest way to get fresh dog poop off the soles of your shoes.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

I be telling people, “I respect your decision,” and I really don’t. The decision is always something stupid, and I just don’t want to engage any further.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

This is no glow. This is the rage that boils inside me.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Becoming an adult was the worst thing I’ve ever done.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Attempted to exercise this morning. Didn’t work out.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WhatsApp:

“The Nightmare Before Christmas” just means, January 1st – December 24th.

Going viral on YouTube:

I’m at the gym and I just saw someone put their water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Can’t say “I’m tired” without my mom making it a competition of who is the most tired and who has more reason to be.

Spotted on YouTube:

Someone at work just farted and I panicked and said ‘compliments to the chef’.

Freshly posted on Slack:

My mom and all her opinions are visiting this weekend.

Just landed via Twitch:

Putting together a piece of furniture today, so my kids are about to learn swear words that haven’t even been invented yet.

Spotted on WeChat:

At my age, this “microsleep” can sometimes last hours.

Making waves on Twitch:

I’m going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life. l’ll call it my oughtabiography.

Going viral on Facebook:

The point of life is going to a good restaurant and getting two cocktails with dinner. That’s it.

Trending via Facebook:

If I was on Love Island, I wouldn’t be fighting anyone or starting drama. I would just be playing mermaids in the pool the whole time. They’ve got that giant, beautiful pool, and nobody’s using it.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’ve been so stressed about getting my shit together that I haven’t gotten any of my shit together.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’d rather throw everything I own in the trash than try to deal with people on Facebook Marketplace.

Where do cicadas go when they’re not screaming? I’d like to go there and scream.

Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

Spoiler alert: Monday doesn’t care about your feelings.

A fitness trainer showed me the proper way to inhale and exhale and then got pissed when I told her she had nice breaths.

Every Reddit relationship post is like “My husband dropped a big piano on my head and when I emerged from the rubble my teeth had been replaced by the keys. Am I in the wrong?”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨