Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

I love asking 5 different people for advice then doing what I want.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

I like to scan my backyard every hour with a high power flashlight to let my neighbors know I won’t tolerate any weirdness around here.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

Being Leonardo DiCaprio is like driving in a school zone. You don’t go above twenty-five.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

I love that cats slap the shit out of everything they can’t understand.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

I don’t understand the phrase “You can’t have your cake and eat it” because if I have cake, what the hell else am I supposed to do with it.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Did you ever stop to ask how Mercury feels about being in retrograde? No, because you only think about yourself.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

A real smart TV would increase the volume when you started eating chips.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

Me passing someone: you slow mule! Me being passed: okay, speed racer!

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

Apparently, if you leave your Tupperware cupboard unorganized for too long, they procreate, and extra lids appear out of nowhere.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Hey girl, are you a cigarette? Because I like cigarettes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

215 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,484

Funny Quotes Topics

17,554

Funny Quotes Images

15,484

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,631

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

I’m writing a parenting book called ‘Kids won’t listen until you scream like your mother did’.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Live, laugh, leftovers.

Just landed via Reddit:

I calculated my December budget and realized everyone is getting a hug for Christmas.

Shared recently on Discord:

“And on the 7th day he rested”. Obviously God had not yet created laundry at that point.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Just learned in psychology that when a man goes to sleep first, it’s because he’s comfortable around you and wants you to go through his phone.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

It’s so funny how every true crime documentary eventually devolves into a story about how the police botched the entire investigation.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

My husband saw a rabbit in our yard eating grass and said “That would be like sitting in a field of french fries.”

Freshly posted on Facebook:

There should be a day between Sunday and Monday called Hang on a Second.

Going viral on Telegram:

We’d all look younger if we just avoided young people.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

It’s my birthday, but I’m not gonna post about it for attention like some kind of loser.

I’ve got a headache, and it’s affecting my entire future.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Guess I've got an 'ache-y breaky' time machine in my noggin! 🤕🔮😂"

frustration, future, got, headache, humor, sarcasm

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

When I was a kid, we still ate noodles. Then at some point we ate pasta. Today, we only eat carbs.

0

2 months ago

carbs, childhood, diet, eat, food, humor, i, kid, noodles, only, pasta, point, still, today
Decorated the house across the street so I can look out the window and enjoy my handiwork.

0

2 months ago

across, activity, creative, creative activity, decorated, decorated house, decoration, enjoy, fun, handiwork, holiday, holiday spirit, home, home decoration, house, i, neighborly, neighborly fun, spirit, street, view, window, window view
Just say, “My future husband would never do that,” and move on.

0

4 months ago

advice, dating, future, future husband, humor, husband, just, move, move on, never, relationship, say
Parenting a teenager is surreal because you’ll be sitting there, and some dude who is much taller than you will walk around the corner and ask you how to open a popcorn bag.

0

2 months ago

around, ask, awkward, awkward question, bag, corner, difference, dude, family, family life, funny moment, height, height difference, humor, life, moment, much, open, parenting, popcorn, question, sitting, snack, surreal, taller, teenager, walk
Blocking him isn’t enough. I need to watch his hairline recede.

0

6 months ago

blocking, breakup, enough, hairline, humor, i, media, need, observation, recede, revenge, social, social media, watch
She wanted me to impress her in the bedroom, so I showed her my organized sock drawer and my fresh matching bedding.

0

2 months ago

bedding, bedroom, date, drawer, fresh, humor, i, impress, matching, me, organized, relationship, sock, wanted

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on Instagram this month:

It used be called “talking to yourself” but the new term for it is “podcasting”.

75 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s not you. Just the things you say, think, and do.

74 shares on X this month:

Life is hard. It is harder if you are stupid.

59 shares on TikTok this month:

I don’t understand why “family-run” should be a sign of quality. North Korea, for example, is also family-run and doesn’t convince me at all.

37 shares on Messenger this month:

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is: don’t do that!

94 shares on Threads this month:

Sorry, I liked your post one second after you posted it but in my defense, I’ve had my phone in my hand since 2012.

86 shares on Snapchat this month:

Please be nice to me. I’m in my twenties. Do you know what that does to a person?

93 shares on X this month:

It is not without reason that all telescopes searching for intelligent life are pointed away from Earth.

46 shares on Snapchat this month:

I just want to be rich enough to stop having to pretend that I’m getting work done.

75 shares on YouTube this month:

Liquor on the top shelf is so expensive because the bartender has to stand on their tippy toes to reach it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Every day is a D-Day, if you’re a stutterer.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Nothing good happens on the credit card after midnight.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

Remember the good old days when you didn’t have to wonder if the person messaging you was a bot or not?

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

Sometimes I’m just so exhausted I have to go to bed and scroll my phone for the next 2-3 hours.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

1994: I can’t wait to see what the world is like in 30 years. 2024: God no.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Turning to the person next to me and saying “thanks for nothing” as I get off the train.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

I really want an emotional support octopus so I can train it to slap people and shoplift.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Imagine how organized the first person to write down a recipe must have been.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Sleep is a free trial of death but with ads.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

The only thing I worry about when I’m in the restroom is if people are washing their hands or not.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

Gosh, being a princess is exhausting.

Just landed via X:

You’re all using your crystals wrong. Put them in a sock and start swinging.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Spotted on Pinterest:

Just paid my bills. The only thing left on my card is my name and expiration date.

Seen just now on X:

One minute you’re young and fun, the next you’re excited about a new vacuum cleaner.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Asked a German girl for her number, and I’m still waiting for the rest of the digits. So far, all I have is “nine.”

Just landed via Pinterest:

Twitter is like group therapy but everyone’s yelling and no one’s licensed.

Going viral on Instagram:

If I’m ever murdered, feel comfort in knowing I ran my mouth until the bitter end.

Trending via YouTube:

They get real weird at the gun store if you walk in crying and asking for “the biggest one”.

Going viral on TikTok:

Every time I ask my husband to bring me something out of my purse, without a doubt, he’ll bring me my whole purse. Why are purses so scary to men, lol.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’ve got a headache, and it’s affecting my entire future.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

When I was a kid, we still ate noodles. Then at some point we ate pasta. Today, we only eat carbs.

Decorated the house across the street so I can look out the window and enjoy my handiwork.

Just say, “My future husband would never do that,” and move on.

Parenting a teenager is surreal because you’ll be sitting there, and some dude who is much taller than you will walk around the corner and ask you how to open a popcorn bag.

Blocking him isn’t enough. I need to watch his hairline recede.

She wanted me to impress her in the bedroom, so I showed her my organized sock drawer and my fresh matching bedding.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨